::deep breath::
…and now, I am a man.
Let’s not go that far.
After all, you’re married. What does your wife have to say about that? I remember that I was a man before I moved in with a woman. Then I learned that the woman decides how much of a man you are. Before we split up, I remember the days, longingly looking at my balls - which she kept in a jar on the mantle sitting between my pride and my dignity, across the room from the closet in which was a box containing my self-respect. (She didn’t want these things too close together, for fear of what may happen should they all fall into my possesiion at the same time.) She would take them off the mantle and let me have them for short periods of time when she deemed it appropriate.
Thank God she only kept some of my CDs when I moved out.
I nearly ignored this thread, 'till I saw Cruncy rooting for the Rams. Then I got homesick. I can remember watching the Cardinals (football that is) playing at Busch. All that hoopla about building a dome so a real team would come. So I leave town, and StL signs up a home run champ and has a superbowl trophy. Enough to make a sportsfan cry.
A few years ago my job moved to Alabama. Now I find myself doing a lot more reading and drinking for some reason. Now I got me this here new cable modem, and here I am doing the doper thing, instead of spending my $ on something useful, like entertainment over at PT’s (does Jennifer Blaze still dance ^H^H^H^H work there?)
Okay, I think that little 13(now 14) still qualifies me as a newbie, so here goes:
I’m a 20 year old on-again/off-again (mostly off-again these days) college student looking for an easy way out of my parents’ house. I have an unnatural attachment to the music of the Smashing Pumpkins (who broke up last year, sadly), which is I guess somewhat natural for a born and bred Chicago suburbanite. I’m a male, so that means (sadly) no naked pictures.
I’ve been studying quite a bit on Taoism the past year or so (old school Chuang Tzu philosophy, not the religion), though I just had to nab the Hagakure (Book of the Samurai) after seeing Ghost Dog. This, after being introduced to anime by a friend of mine, officially makes me one of those annoying young white guys who spends way to much time and energy on the far east, I suppose. Sigh.
I currently work as a bank teller, a ridiculously easy job full of wonderful people that I will (again, sadly) have to quit soon in the search for something that actually pays money. Sigh.
Otherwise, I’m a writer who never actually writes, a musician who can’t play more than two or three chords without hurting his fingers, and a philosopher who’s slowly discovering that everything he’s ever thought was an original thought had already been discovered and claimed by people long dead. Again, sigh.
Anyway, I’ve since passed “a couple quick sentences” and am fast approaching “a novel or anything”, so I shall cease and desist from writing more.
I am de-virginizing myself here (Which I’ve done before) so be gentle…
I’m a 21 year old female, from Southern Ohio. I live at home with my parents, and I will be going back to college in September for my bachelor’s degree. Until then, I am enjoying my laziness to the extreme. I like all things “homegrown” and enjoy almost all kinds of music. I hate horses, but love cats, dogs and cows. I’d like to get married some day, but am still looking for a man that I can hold down long enough to get him properly hog-tied. I am now having a brain fart so I will go…
Since being reminded that I still hadn’t made my presence known here, I decided to pop my head in, brace for the worst, and then run screaming into the night.
little wave Hi all, I’m TruePisces, dragged here kicking and screaming… I mean, introduced to this wonderful board by lurkernomore, good friend of four years. I’m a single girl down in Florida, originally from upstate New York. I do a little web design (not well) and to make money, I work through a temp agency. I’ve got a sci-fi mailing list that I run (again, not well) and I read almost anything that’s put into my hands. What else do you want to know?
braces for the impact of Crunchy’s acerbic wit
TruePisces
Since Crunchy begged so nicely, and I’m blatantly trying
to pad my post count-- here goes. First started lurking on
these boards when Lurkernomore sent me a link to
Funny things said during love making/intimate moments…
Lurked sporadically since then. Finally joined up when TruePisces did.
21 year old male nerd, Living in central Ontario with my parents. Desperately
trying to scrape together enough money to move to Toronto after being
left penniless by paying for college; this is complicated by the fact that
I’ve been laid off. So I’m stuck in this land of lift-locks, geriatrics, and
the highest number of donut shops per capita in the world.
Sitting at home for hours on end with absolutely nothing to do and
I still managed to lurk, damn I’m good at it.
Don’t watch TV except for the X-Files mostly,
Read too much sf, f, horror and fanfiction.
Favorite authors are Spider Robinson, Heinlein
Mercedes Lackey, Neil Gaiman and Anne Rice.
I am definitely a newbie due to the fact that I just registered twenty minutes ago. The only reason I did register because I am stalking(I use the term loosely) someone that uses this board often, and the rest doesn’t really matter.
…so forgive me if I seem to rush through this.
kellymccauley
First off – damn you for making me feel old. I remember the football Cardinals playing at Busch stadium also. I remember being angry that they went to Phoenix. Then the Rams won the Superbowl. All is forgiven now.
Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not rubbing it in, am I?
You poor sorry bastard. I had been to Alabama once, while driving to Ft Walton Beach, FL from San Antonio TX. We stoped there for the night on the way back and asked a gas station attendant what there was to do in Alabama. He asked if we’d driven through already. We said yes. He said then we’d done all there is to do in Alabama.
Been in Alabama a while, have you? “I got me this here new cable modem…” Might as well add “uh-Hyuck” at the end of that and change your named to Cletus.
And I wouldn’t know about Jennifer Blaze, I rarely go to the East Side anymore, and when was she there to begin with? I’m 27, so if this was back in the early to mid 80s, I was too young.
BrokenInHalf (ouch!)
Ok - one at a time:
- Getting out of your parents house: Get a job, you slacker! Moping around your parents’ basement bemoaning the fact that you have to live in your parents’ basement will not get you out of said parents’ basement.
- Any attachment to the Smashing Pumpkins is unnatural. I’ve never liked them and what the hell’s with Billy Corgan’s(sp?) whole Nosferatu look he’s got going on?
- Being male does not exclude you from sending nekkid pix. Just don’t send them to me. Male newbies must send nekkid pix to Shayna, Silly Rabbit, evilbeth, and any other female poster who decides they need to see your willy. If a picture of your willy is not sent within 15 days, I pity the man for what will befall him.
Ghost Dog? You mean Space Ghost has a pet?
A bank teller moaning about needing money. How ironic. you know, maybe if you finished college…
DAMMIT! Sorry, I was channelling my mother there for a second. Won’t happen again.
What’s with all the heavy breathing? There’s phone lines for that sort of thing, you know, I’ll not have it going on in my thread!
Aphrodite - I’m liking you already just cuz of the name 
So, you want to drop me an email telling me all about how you de-virginized yourself the first time?
I’m cool, I understand what you mean. I like mine “homegrown” too. I do you enjoy your “homegrown” with some Bob Marley playing in the background? That’s the way I do it.
Oooooh, and she’s into bondage! Don’t forget to send me your nekkid pix like all the other female newbies.
TruePisces - about damn time!
I don’t know, maybe something interesting?
And you signed your post!
I guess you didn’t bother to read the part of the thread where I mentioned that that’s a pet peeve of mine. You see the box to the left of your post? It has your name right there! Plus you introduced yourself in the post! Then you SIGNED your post. You appear to be a touch egocentric with all these mentionings of your own name. I, Crunchy Frog, do no such thing. I am willing to let people see the name Crunchy Frog to the left of my posts and have them sort out for themselves that it was I, Crunchy Frog, who wrote the post. I don’t go plastering the name Crunchy Frog all over my posts, do I?
Of course we seem to have something in common as your work ethic appears to be the same as mine – “If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing a half-assed job on.”
And what the hell’s up with that sig? Brilliant! I think I may make yesterday’s phone conversation with my mom into my next sig:
My Mom: I talked you into buying a vegetable tray, maybe I’ll call your girlfriend and tell her, although it’s really not that big of a deal.
Me: If it’s no big deal, why did you run up and down the isles of the store shouting “My son bought vegetables” for 20 minutes, hmm?
My Mom: Well it’s not a big deal now, but wait till she moves in with you.
What do you think? Great isn’t it?
Scralden - and the same goes for you too!
Interesting. I don’t recall begging.
In fact, here’s what I said:
“And TruePisces, funny, I don’t recall seeing your name in the Welcome Wagon thread. I advise any newbies going there to read the rules on the first page so you know it’s all meant in fun - just some harmeless teasing. If you read the posts you’ll see as much of my self-depricating humor as there is of my sarcastic humor aimed at the newbies. Remember it’s all tongue-in-cheek, so don’t take it too seriously.”
Just for that libelous remark about begging, you won’t be welcomed. 
Ok, spill it, who are you stalking? And if you want to be properly welcomed, I need some more info.
I’m 40, work as an editor, am the owner of a large-ish dog. I play guitar, collect things that make noise or music, prefer world music or anything with guitar in it. I follow politics and world affairs. I have 4 tatoos and my left ear is pierced in two traditional places (both in lobe).
I was a Spanish/Sociology major, don’t know how I ended up in publishing.
Well, lets see, post #4…yeah, I’m a newbie! Although i’ve lurked these boards for close to 7 months, I decided to jump on in.
BTW, Heya Crunchy, you just picked up another fellow St. Louisian (heh is that even a word?). I’m 30, work in IT/IS field, and have been called sick, twisted, demented, and halarious, so I should fit in nicely here 
Crunchy Frog:
**
**
Want 'em back? Please? Maybe then Arizona can get a real team.
My name is Steve Clairmont (yeah, that’s my real name, and what can you do to me?) and Crunchy Frog said I should sign in.
I’m an instrument technician working for a chemical company.
I’m 41 years old, have a wife, a 17 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. I also have a dog named Hawkins and a mortgage up to here.
Try to contain your excitement.
No, that’s okay. I’ve grown accostomed to seeing Faulk, Warner, Bruce, Holt, et al. Now that I’ve adapted, Arizona can keep the Cardinals.
Chrome Spot says:
Wow, it seems we would have much in common – if only I was interested in any of those things. I play Playstation and collect comic books and baseball memorabilia. So what is “world” music? I work as a computer tech, but my hobbies are baseball, drawing, writing, and masturbation (which I hope to do professionally one day).
**
I follow the St Louis Cardinals and the Rams. I do occasionally pay attention to world affairs though. Did you hear about Yassir Arafat and that diplomt from Jordan? It’s really juicy! Or were those not the kind of affairs you were referring to?
Ha ha! I win! I have 6 tattoos and at one time had my left ear pierced three times and my right ear once. I don’t wear any jewelry now, though.
Grimace - why, are you in pain or something?
No it isn’t. You make me sad. Here I am trying to prove that Missourians aren’t all simple farming Bible thumpers, that some of us do think and then you show up and don’t even know what to call yourself. Any self-respecting person from St Louis knows we are called St Louisitian-type-people. You know you just missed a DopeFest don’t you? You could’ve met me, Palandine, Miss B Haven, Kunilou and his wife, Dyno Saur, and schief2. Oh well, your loss.
I see how you’re gonna be.
[John Wayne]
I don’t think these boards are big enough for two sick, twisted, demented St Louisans, pilgrim.
[/John Wayne]
BTW - note what I called people from St Louis, just for future reference.
Welcome aboard people.
BMN
Actually, I said since you’re already rather familiar already with the boards, my welcoming you would be redundant.
So what, you fix, like, trumpets and stuff for the company’s glee club?
So both the dog and the mortgage are up to there? What kind of dog is it, St Bernard? Great Dane? Mastiff? Grizzly? Great White?
I’m trying, but I just can’t wait till she turns 18.
Oh, sorry, you meant contain my excitement about you. Ok, that’s a done deal then.
CF, thank you for giving me the opportunity to make myself a target for you. Someone who’s unbiasedly sarcastic is either very admirable or very bored. I am a 33 year old woman with gray hair and acne. Sucks to be me
I sorta wandered into the dopers page and have been glued here since. (The first 4 days were the worst, but now I’ve realized when I sleep, the page will be here when I wake up)
I have to young children and an evil tazmanian devil dog, I mean a minature pinscher who’s favorite foods include leather belts and shoes. Okay enough about me. Thanks for the chance to say a big ol’ HELLO to everyone.
Can’t I be both?
I’m a 27 year old with the body of a 77 year old. My hair’s going gray at the temples, I have a trick knee, a bad shoulder, and chronic bronchitis. I don’t dance anymore because my body’s so beat up I sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies on the dance floor.
Acne! Luxury, sheer luxury says I!
Mmmm, leather shoes. Reminds me of the days growing up in that cardboard box at the bottom of the lake. Me and my twenty siblings and mom and dad. We used to have to wake up and 12:30 am, a half an hour after going to bed, work for 20 hours at the mines, then come home clean the lake with our tongues and if we were lucky have a bowl of stewed shoe sole for dinner before Dad came home and beat us till we fell asleep. Ah, those were the good days…
And you think it sucks to be you. Bite me, newbie.
Well, it look like this thread is still going, so I’d better make my appearance here too.
I’m a 25y/o male, living in Melbourne, Australia. I have just quit my job as a public servant to take up a new career as a firefighter.
I spend way too much time reading assorted science fiction/fantasy, or surfing the web while I should be working. (But hey, I’m still a public servant at the moment, that’s part of the job description, right?)
I still live with my parents, but that’s only 'cos it’s cheaper than renting (I’m trying to save for a house, trying being the operative word).
Okay, it’s time to face the music (cue Peace Frog, by the Doors). CF, it seems you’re swamped (get it? swamped? eh-heh, eh-heh … eh-heh, uh, anyway) with responses, but could you see fit to give me a virtual spanking?
THANK YOU, SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
I’m 30.
I married in September 1999.
We have a baby, Jessica, born Nov. 2, 2000.
I do P.R. for a city near St. Louis.
I’m not a tall man.
I’m not a brilliant man.
My only talent to speak of is that I can write reasonably well.
I do have three annoying but lovable cats: Theo, Peanut and Waggs.
I desparately want to write a book, but I’m also pretty sure I have A.D.D. Anyway, where was I?
I’m also a huge St. Louis Rams fan (and I have the old, worn Rams jacket to prove I was a greeter on the bandwagon last year.)
The sig is from Caddyshack.