Cure depression through anus constricting

[Morbo]

I’ve seen some hilarious book on Amazon in my time, but this one is truly sublime:

How to Good-bye Depression : If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Be sure and read the reviews, as well as the “Customers who bought this book also bought” section.

FTR, I just tried this and I can’t say I’m feeling any better.

[NurseCarmen]

pucker up!

[Duke]

I think Tuckerfan reviewed this masterpiece some time ago…

There’s another book by the esteemed Mr. Nishigaki…from its Amazon review:

About the Author
Hiroyuki Nishigaki, a graduate of Osaka City University in 1963, resides in Japan. He was employed by the Kyodo News Agency until 1976. He is the author of four books in Japanese, including How to Attain Silent Knowledge. A female inorganic ally gave the author the ability of space travel at age of 10 and 56. His first space travel was at the age of 56.
(snip)
Mr. Carlos Castaneda accomplished the feat to introduce the ancient Inca-Shamanism … He sent another new bible to the world. Reviewing his books, I think the following points are essential for us to attain the goal of Inca-Shamanism. They are stopping your breath automatically, sleeping without losing consciousness, circulating your energy in your physical body, cleaning up your central energy pipe, making the beautiful strong energetic core of abdomen, flexible and firm abdomen, good spine, the secret of physiognomy, good complexion, rejuvenation, fasting, influence of other people and of devils, cutting the pipe of floating devil above your head, good relationship with opposite sex, dependable self-importance, good repentance, imagining powerful men such as Christ and absorbing the power of various voices and of various flights.

I don’t think there’s too much more to say, really…

[lieu]

If you’re happy and you know it
Clap your sphincter…

[AskNott]

I’m pretty sure that’s Attorney General John Ashcroft’s secret. On the other hand, how come he never looks happy?

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

It’s all endorphins. Use any muscle a lot, and you’ll raise your endorphin level, thereby feeling better due to the activation of endorphin (opiate) receptors. Be aware though, that this is not a proven long-term treatment for true endogenous depression. Reactive depression, brought on by stressful situations, may be improved by endorphin induction.

Nurse: Doctor, why do you have a thermometer behind your ear?
Me: Dammit, some asshole’s got my pen!

[gooti]

mouthbreather actually has this book. I haven’t seen it in a while, but when he first got it, it seemed to be very good bathroom reading (for him, anyway). I’ve flipped through it a bit, but reading foreign concepts in very elborate, yet broken “engrish” gives me a headache.

[Tentacle_Monster]

So, can we assume the goatse.cx man has chronic depression?

[Menocchio]

The next thread I start in GD will be subtitled “Malarkey? Or Effective Way?”

This I swear.

[VunderBob]

@Qadgop the Mercotan

It’s all endorphins. Use any muscle a lot, and you’ll raise your endorphin level, thereby feeling better due to the activation of endorphin (opiate) receptors. Be aware though, that this is not a proven long-term treatment for true endogenous depression. Reactive depression, brought on by stressful situations, may be improved by endorphin induction.

Nurse: Doctor, why do you have a thermometer behind your ear?
Me: Dammit, some asshole’s got my pen!

At least you’re not a proctologist. All of their patients are assholes…

[jellytoes]

Oh my side!

I can’t say that constricting my anus will cure my depressiona but the laugh I got off of those reviews sure brightened my day. That and I’ll be humming “If you’re happy and you know it…” all night.

[Sassy]

Previous silliness on this subject

[astro]

Anything that’s terrifying enough to make me clench up my anus (ie drop bears, discussion of “female problems”, etc.) is going to command a lot more of my immediate attention than some silly old bout of chronic depression. So I can understand the operative mechanism.