It seems to me the waiter was using the term to describe people. The term is demeaning if one is ashamed of being fat, or disgusted by fat. Not everyone has those opinions. If overweight people are content and happy with their appearance, then fat is merely a descriptor. The word becomes quite subjective and polarizing once it serves to advance someone’s agenda.
Are you serious?
So if the ticket said, Black Guys, and the customers got offended, you would tel them to get over it? That the only reason they are offended is because they are ashamed of being black?
No, I’d tell them to get over it because they are in fact a group of Black Guys. And describing them as such isn’t degrading or an insult.
Now, if the ticket had an unsavory adjective inserted in front of Black Guys, we’d have a problem.
So fat isn’t an unsavory adjective?
How about Smelly, large nose, baldy, etc.
Just get over it? How about just be nice?
Are you reading the whole thread or just taking phrases out of context cause you’re cruising for an argument? Yes, it’s rude and stupid to call someone fat. Even if they are fat, even if they are aware of it. However, like other aspects of appearance that are within the wearer’s control, observers might judge. It’s a risk one takes. Being fat does not compare to being crippled by polio. Does not compare to racial profiling, religious persecution, or gender discrimination. These women kick started a national dialogue about manners, and some (including you, apparently) will attempt to turn it into a claim of discrimination. It ain’t.
No.
By this logic, it’s perfectly acceptable for a business to also short-handedly refer to someone as “lady with ugly haircut” or “guy with gay-looking shirt” and make the customer aware of it. Because, after all, they can change their haircut or their shirt.
Nobody is asking you not to think of someone as fat or to not notice the fat, but there’s no reason to be rude and call someone fat. It’s like if someone’s disabled and in a wheelchair – you’re going to notice the chair, and it’s fine if one waiter says to the other “please take this water to the customer in the wheelchair”, but you don’t call them “wheelchair guy” or “cripple” or “handicapped guy” to their face or on their bill because it’s fucking rude.
Precisely. The waiter could have just as easily noted, 3 girls, and no one would have gotten upset. What I take issue with is anyone in this thread who is trying to claim fat wasn’t meant as an insult. It was, and shouldn’t have been used secretly or openly.
And that should be the end of the discussion.
It’s not a “risk one takes.” It’s merely a fact that people notice things. And it’s entirely irrelevant to the discussion. The point isn’t whether you think someone is fat. The point is whether you tell someone you think he or she is fat.
And this is entirely irrelevant. Who cares what it does or does not compare to? It’s rude to call people fat. The fact that there are conceivably worse things you could do someone has no relevance at all.
Absolutely it is rude to call someone “fat” to their face, or make any other remarks about their appearance for that matter - regardless of whether that appearance is innate, “their own fault”, or what have you. I would not call someone “tattoo boy” to his face because he had very visible tats, for example - that’s rude.
However, this case appears to be one in which what was supposed to be a wholly private description, chosen to keep track of the bill, was given to the customer by mistake. While it’s rude to say “fat girls” or “tattoo boy” to someone’s face, it is perfectly understandable to think it for purposes of keeping track of their bills, as those are visible identifiers.
The waitstaff’s mistake was in typing that stuff, taking the risk that he’d forget to remove it from the bill before it was handed to the customer.
I don’t expect this - maybe a free dessert would be nice. Though a few weeks ago staff at a mildly upscale chain restaurant forgot to put in our order and then screwed up a couple things on it - they wound up giving us the whole meal for free. It was no big deal for Mrs. J. and I (we were having a nice conversation and enjoying ourselves) and the staff was very nice. We were kind of embarassed how apologetic they were.
On the other hand, if my check featured a gratuitous insult, I’d expect more than “oops, sorry about that”.
I remember one time, I was waiting in the drive-through at Starbucks. I only waited 10 minutes or so, and I was given a free drink.
The guy said, “Sorry about the wait.”
I handed him the money.
He said, “Not necessary. Have a good one.”
I asked, “You sure?”
He said, “Yes, have a nice day, sir.”
Have you seen the news today? Clearly the women involved want something out of this national story that should have ended with “free meal, sorry waiter’s a bonehead”.
Jackmannii, if a restaurant gets caught calling your wife fat, would a dessert be enough to make up for that? Would you not expect your meal free?
I’m not sure why this is supposed to be mitigating. What if two staff members were “privately” discussing someone and they were overheard by the customer? Being in a workplace or business situation means that you don’t express every thought you have about someone.
Again, I’m not sure why this is mitigating. It doesn’t matter what a service person thinks. There are certain things you don’t say or otherwise make manifest, such as in a writing.
But this is just stating the obvious.
If have tipped a penny and written “Thanks for the service, tiny dick guy!” and moved on. Anyway…
This is truly about unprofessionalism and how easy it would’ve been to simply comp the meals and apologize. However, as former waitstaff, there’s absolutely no reason to use descriptors that might upset someone. As has been pointed out, if that county has one of the highest obesity rates in the state, surely they weren’t the only “fat” patrons? How did he differentiate? 1 fat guy and 2 fat girls, 3 fat kids and a fat grandparent, 14 fat band members? Doesn’t sound like a system that would work very well in the long haul.
When I needed to keep customers straight, amazingly all I had to do was either number them on the back of my order pad for the night or list their shirt colors. Because, you know, they all had those on. Never once was it necessary to resort to short, bald, big nose or stinky, even if those things were factually true. And if that was the point he was jumping off from in the first place, why not label them as “overweight women”? Same idea.
Finally, perhaps the reason these three ladies were willing to risk public ridicule is because they felt it was for a good cause. Crazy, I know. Ooh, and for the record, I am a fat chick who doesn’t bitch or make excuses for my weight. It simply is what it is. My main belief though is that people should be professional at work, own up to their mistakes, try to make restitution and not use rude epithets that might upset their clientele. Beyond that, I don’t much care.
I would think an offer of dessert is the opposite of what someone would want in this situation. Well, I mean they’d certainly WANT it, but they’d have to pretend they were outraged (while hiding their drool).
It’s the difference between being intentionally insulting and not being intentionally insulting.
Being intentionally insulting is worse, right? Not being intentionally insulting is unprofessional, it’s foolish, and all the rest … but it’s not malicious.
cool story, bro