{{{Emily and Kniz}}} Do you get to the beach when you bring your granddaughter to Florida? Let me know if you’re ever in the Tampa Bay area, my kids are about her age.
With you on that one - my first thought was “Yeah, yeah - whatever”
I don’t remember if I’ve ever said those fateful words, but even now I still make my mom cry by persistantly refusing to do what she asks. But damn, it pisses me off whenever she makes it sound like I’m some sort of awful, degenerate human being for not wanting to do something I don’t like right then and there.
(I guess since I’ve mostly been the “obedient one” up to this point, she has higher expectations of me. The younger brother, who is much more vocal about not his teenage rebellion, gets away with more, and it isn’t fair! ;p)
Spoken like a non-parent. 
rjungjr: “I hate you!”
rjung: “Why do you hate me?”
rjungjr: “I don’t know!”
rjung: “Do you hate me because you’re frustrated?”
rjungjr: “What’s ‘frustrated’?”
rjung: “It’s how you feel when you can’t do something.”
rjungjr: “Why?”
rjung: “Because I said you can’t.”
rjungjr: “Why?”
…and the next thing you know, it’s an Abbot-and-Costello routine.
Well said, all of this. What’s wrong with sending a kid to his room, anyway? Kids need to learn that their words can hurt people, which, it seems to me, is exactly what your son learned. It’s great that he apologized to you later on.
No way! He ate his dinner, he earned the cookie. You done good, dad.
Your kid doesn’t watch “Blue’s Clues”, does s/he? 
On board with most people in this thread; I was a youngest child, and I don’t remember what worked the best with my many neflings, but I do know what never worked: reason. Children do not reason, they react. You can teach them to reason, but that’s best done during calm moments, not when they’re screaming and flailing and trying to impose their will.
I can’t remember where I read it, but I remember a study done many years ago, after the first generation of psychologically aware parents’ children had grown up. The survey determined that mental and emotional problems, particulalry neuroses, were far more common among these children than among the children of less “educated” parents. While much of the problem may be due to greater awareness of psychology among those who need therapy, there might be a warning here: when you think you’re being clever and progressive, THAT’S when you’re messing up your kid.
When I were a lad (all of ten-odd years ago) the only phrase I was absolutely not allowed to use (well, out of the ones I tried; to this day, I’ve never sworn in front of my mother) was “I don’t care”. Particularly if I was referring to something she was telling me:
“You need to eat more fruit or you’ll get scurvy”
“I don’t care” (or whatever warning it was).
Seems to have worked… I still hardly say it, and it seems that the observance gives rise to the sentiment- I try to care about pretty much everything.
Really? I always thought that kids telling their parents “I hate YOU!” was something that only existed on TV. There were times that I hated my parents growing up, but I would have never dreamed of telling them that. Not if I wanted to live.
My children never told me that.
But then, I never ever made them eat when they didnt want to eat.
(I know I would not like it if someone tried to force me to eat when I didnt want to eat - how would you feel?)
:rolleyes: What part of my previous posts are you failing to understand? Was it when I said that "if he is not hungry, that’s fine. We’ve excused him from the table several times " or was it the part when I said “he can have snacks after dinner, not instead of it?”
We do not force him to eat anything. It’s not like we tie him down and push spinach down his throat. We do, however, monitor what he eats, and my wife and I make sure he eats something healthy instead of all junk. We will not have a hand in raising a future complainant in an obesity suit against Pringles of Bachmans or Nabisco.
After eating bag after bag of salty snacks unchecked for as long as I wanted, I would probably be very grateful, after the bypass operation, if someone handed me an apple.
I don’t have a child, but I do have a couple of nephews. One was about three years old at the time. His name is Tony. This was after I told him no for something.
Tony:I don’t like you uncle Ryan.
Me: I don’t like you either.
Five minutes pass.
Tony: Uncle Ryan, can I have some juice?
Me: No
Tony: why not?
Me: because you said you didn’t like me.
He walks off, comes back a few minutes later.
Tony: Uncle Ryan, I like you.
(Not a parent, but please don’t hate me for posting here.)
I remember using the ‘I hate you’ line to get a rise out of my parents, but at some point I learned that shouting ‘You don’t love me anymore!’ worked much, much better.
Man. Are we all little shits at that age?
I have been on the recieving end of the “I hate you!” speech, to which I usually replied that I hated them too. After we all calmed down, we apologize.
My eldest said this once, and then glared at me in defiance. I stared back, then moved quickly and purposely toward her. I grabbed her into a hug and whispered in her ear “I hate it when you say things like that, but I will love you forever.” Problem diffused.
What does get to me, however, is not the “hate” speech, but the one where the child feels that they are the least favored one. “Mom, why do you like her better than me?” This causes major guilt and lots of introspection on my part. I drop everything and give that kid extra huggles.
With 3 kids, 3 dogs and a very demanding SO, it’s easy for someone to be ignored every so often.
Typical "I don’t like you/I hate you convo in my house:
LilMiss: I don’t LIKE you!
Me: And?
LilMiss: …hunh?
Me: Why are you "hunh"ing me?
LilMiss: I SAID I don’t LIKE you!
Me: I heard you. What’s the problem?
LilMiss: You’re MEAN!
Me: And?
LilMiss: Mom! I’m angry at you!
Me: Okay. What do you want me to do about that?
LilMiss: I want to (insert reason for argument starting)!
Me: And I said no.
LilMiss: I don’t LIKE YOU!
Me: And?
The kid is a pre-teen, which (IMO) means she’s learning the “I hate everything” motto, but doesn’t quite have the hang of applying it correctly. If we discuss why I say no to something, she usually ends up in tears, stomping off to her room. I get tired of dealing with the dramatics. Confusion works every time. This is not to say I do that to every tantrum the tosses my way- there’s been a few times where I’ve told her I’m not crazy about her either, to which she replied “You hafta love me, I’m your daughter”. Yeah, I love you, but I’m not liking your behavior.
In an ideal Dr. Spock world, all families would be Kodak snapshots of adoring gazes. The real world isn’t that way.
My daughter did the “You’re not inviteted to my birthday party!” and the “You’re not my friend anymore!” thing, but she hasn’t said that she hates me.
And I have never ever told my mom that I hated her. I don’t think I’ve even thought it. My mom was definitely not even close to perfect but she did pretty well.
My response to not being invited to her birthday was to 1) stifle my laughter; and 2)explain that if I wasn’t there then the party wasn’t going to happen since I had to do everything to make it happen.
When she said I wasn’t her friend though I was terribly hurt. Not because I think kids and parents need to be friends or even should be, but because I knew that at that point in her life she thought that was the absolutely worse thing you could say to someone and she said it to me. My response was basically to say that I loved her still and even if I wasn’t her friend I would always be her mommy. After she calmed down and for a few days after that we discussed how being a mommy and being a friend are different and that I was very glad to be her mommy instead because that meant no matter how angry we got at each other I would always love her and I knew she would always love me. We also talked about how it is okay for her to be mad at me and to tell me that she’s upset but it is not okay for her to say mean things to me, nor I to her.
For now she just scowls and stomps around and tells me I’m being unfair or a “big meanie”. I think one day, though, in her pre-teen/teen years she will say that she hates me. I can see the battles coming that we’re going to have. I just hope all the talking and love she receives from me now will help to mitigate some of it and hopefully get us through relatively unscathed.
You know what really bugs a kid? When you can predict that they are about to say, “I hate you!” and you say it at the same time.
Man, they don’t like that at all. 