Daffodil5 I'm calling you out!

The BBQ Pit
21

I have read your posts and quoted your own words back to you. Have you read my posts?

You don’t like the moh, we get that already. I still don’t see how she’s going to kill your husband in one short trip down the aisle. This is still the bride’s show, and she gets to plan it as she wishes. Fit into those plans or gracefully bow out. If that makes the attendants uneven, it’s up to the bride to deal with that. In the last post you again insulted the bride, by calling her selfish and disrespectful. She doesn’t need that kind of negative energy around her on her wedding day.

You said, “Who are you to say that the fact that I do this out of respect for the groom, my good friend/little brother is wrong?”

You posted it on a public board, I am free to disagree with you and try to see the other points of view.

I don’t recall saying that the moh is a better person than you. I don’t have enough information to know either way. However, the bride obviously thinks that the moh is a better friend than you, which is why she is moh and you are a bridesmaid.

My mother and I are planning my wedding to the smallest detail (I’m the only daughter). It should be as close to perfect as we can make it. Of course, something always goes wrong, but we’ve allowed enough time in the day to fix most problems that might crop up.

22

Listen you sanctimonious little twat, go play over at www.theknot.com where someone gives a fuck.

23

Cite for what? Could your posts be any less clear.

I didn’t make baseless accusations. You, on the other hand, have accused me of not reading post that I gave detailed responses to.

I’m bored with talking to you. I’ve given my advice, which is for you to drop out of the wedding that a kind but naive bride invited you to participate in. You can take it or leave it. I wish you a happy life too, in your little melodramatic soap opera world.

Oh, and Marconi & Schmeese, thank you for your well-reasoned post, which added ever so much to this thread. I’ll post where I like.

24

Ahhh, I see you completely skated around the issue of your baseless allegations again.

I asked you for proof as to my character. You claimed to have insulted me based on FACTS, so cite some for us. :dubious:
No, you did not quote my posts back to me, you put words in my mouth, and gave me motivations I don’t have. Not only that, but the one time you did actually quote me, you took it out of context, and gave it your own twist.

Yes, it’s plain that you don’t see how the MOH’s behavior would cause harm. You’ve just shown how insensitive you are by your statements regarding this, and have not really answered my question either.

The point is, it is according to my husband. It pains him, but he’s going to stand by his friend anyway. It doesn’t mean that I can’t vent my frustrations here.

You don’t address the fact that the bride is ignoring the groom to get her way. Are you one of those people who believes the groom should have no say in how the wedding ceremony goes except for picking a best man? How archaic. And you dared to chew me out for saying the “obey” vow, and give it a different meaning? BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA…

If you heard how the bride talked about the MOH, and how/exactly why down to morbid minute detail she’s mad at her, you wouldn’t say that she likes the person who is MOH best. She’s known the MOH longer, and this was the basis of her decision. She no longer considers the MOH her best friend due to things that the MOH has done. They are quite alike at times. I just:rolleyes: sigh and go on. Again, before you jump on that. I DO NOT CARE if I’m bride’s maid or not! (In fact I’d have been happier NOT spending the money for the dress.) All I want is for no harm to be done to my husband.

Yes, you did read correctly if you picked up that I do love the bride. I don’t like what she does, but I realize she’s emotionally stunted too. This probably explains why I get so frustrated with her. If she’d take some initiative and make growth related decisions, she’d be a lot happier, and so would everyone around her.

25

Alleging that my husband commited statutory rape is a baseless accuasation you twit! That is a serious charge, and quite derserving of a pitting on it’s own.

I posted that he was almost 20, how long we had been married, and the fact that the relationship with the MOH had been over for at least a year before he even MET me. I further stated that he waited until he turned 18 to court me, so that means he was 17 when he met me. Do your math!

26

Wow Daffy - yer really bitchy, huh?

What’s the matter, PMS got you down?

Listen - this is the Pit. You can pretty much say what you want provided you’re not threatening someone’s life, trolling, etc; however, if you’re gonna say something, you have to be able to back it up a little.

Your posts are coming accross as someone who’s so focused on her “brideness” that any suggestion that there could be any bride, anywhere that wasn’t pure sweetness and light is a personal insult. Guess what - it’s not.

Get over yourself - really. You’ll fit in much better.

27

OK, I read all of the posts in both threads. Then my eyes started to bleed. I am now recovered enough to post my opinion.

Zabali_Clawbane, you have been way over the fucking top. I can appreciate that you are upset but if you post about personal stuff on the 'net, particularly in the SDMB Pit, be prepared to get called on stuff. Not everyone is going to see things your way. My god, what a bunch of self absorbed drivel. Why exactly you had to start a new Pit thread about this and not keep it in the original one is not clear to me either.

Y’all can pile on Daffodil5 all you want but she made some good points and it was done appropriately. Disagree with her, fine, but she did nothing wrong.

Haj

28

** hajario ** :dubious:
She made a serious accusation against my husband alleging criminal behavior. That was wrong. If you had read all the posts, you would have seen that too. That alone was worthy of a pitting/seperate thread. I chose to take it here, rather than hijack my own thread.

She also stated that “All of the insults I’ve posted about you have been rooted in facts.” yet she cannot cite those “facts” because her first encounter with me was in the other thread. (I did read some of Daffy’s other posts.) She admits that she has not read any of my other posts, and yet claims to be able to make a definite statement on my character. That’s bad form.

She admits to being new around here, yet thinks she can make up the form to follow? This too, is bad form. I’m not the only person who thinks she’s using it in that case either.
Why is not wanting my husband to be used/abused a bad thing, Haj? Disagreement, is one thing, however I wouldn’t say unfounded accusations, and grand statements based on poor understanding is doing things appropriately! You appear to think so though. :rolleyes:

29

As I said, I appreciate that you’re upset and emotional over this. Reread your own posts. They can tend to ramble and be confusing. I am sure as hell not going to read them again but I believe Daff was refering to your husband’s first time with the crazy lady. It looked like he was 17 or 18 and she was 14. If so, that is statutory rape in some jurisdictions.

It’s not. Of course it’s not. I don’t believe anyone said it was. Some just might not agree that being in the wedding with the crazy lady is abuse.

Haj

30

Sounds to me like the Bridezilla in Zabali_Clawbane’s other thread has a soul sister in Daffodil5. Funny how they can sniff each other out, even over the net.

I’m afraid of women who take the time to type out all the specifications of their weddings. Even down to the basketweave cake with sugar flowers. chokes This probably wouldn’t concern me but for the tone of overwhelming condescension; for brides who cannot afford a wedding like that, there is nothing wrong with or tacky about David’s Bridal or gasp only one bouquet.

Get over yourself.

31

I’m sorry, but I have to comment on the whole “perfect wedding” thing. I remember reading that the more the bride obssesses with making her wedding perfect (as Daffy seems to have) the more disappointing the nuts-and-bolts of everyday married life will be. IMHO, it doesn’t matter if your wedding is perfect. And chances are, it won’t be perfect. It’s the forty or fifty years following that single day that count.
And yes, I do have cites.

http://www.family-institute.org/therapy/tips/5newlywedtips.htm

I also refer you to the book The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Nissinen.

32

You didn’t even read all of this post, if you had you’d have found this in this thread.

You even missed the post where I simplified things and spelled out what I said in longer posts! Do yourself a favor, and BE REALLY SURE of your paraphrasing in future.

I went on to breifly detail why there is (psychological) abuse involved…

This is at the least a highly uncomfortable thing to endure in the best of situations, but given the fact that she was so very abusive it’s magnified to the point of causing hurt to the one who was abused. Any contact with an abuser can cause a great deal of pain, and it’s aggravated by the fact that the bride is insisting on having her way. One further quote on this thought.

There’s also this thought

Whether it would hurt you or not is irrelevant in a way, it hurts him.

33

Geez, I must be tired, I usually don’t make that many proofreading mistakes! :frowning:

34

Yeah, because anyone who is ever hostile to you must just be jealous. I mean, it’s not like you could ever do anything or say anything that would ever set somebody off. No, all anger directed towards you must be completely resulting from the other person’s character flaws.

Oh, and the terrorists only attacked us because they hate our freedoms and liberties, it was nothing we did :rolleyes:

I don’t care what sparked this hostility, but identifying “jealousy” as the reason people might not like you is amazingly juvenile. Maybe marrying a high schooler and spending time with all his high school aged friends has infected you with the sort of petty dramatics that go on with people that age.

And BTW, you had to expect the kind of pathetic drama-queen behaviour you describe in your original thread when you decided to bed down with a teenager. Teens take a slight setback in the minute details of their lives as seriously as adults take real problems. Being 30 and having lived through real problems, I’m surprised you would choose to be around teens at all, let alone marry one and hang around with his teen pals.

35

I wasn’t planning to post again, but you wanted a cite. Here’s a cite to the Kansas statute that makes sex with a girl who is under 16 a felony, regardless of the man’s age: KS ST § 21-3502. Your husband could have been sentenced to 15 months in jail for statutory rape of the moh (you said she was 14 when he first slept with her). Before you say that she led him on, please look up State v. Sampsel, which states that the female victim’s aggressive actions cannot be used as a defense.

So your husband could have been convicted of statutory rape of the moh. And you’re afraid that she’s going to hurt him?

I haven’t read any posts since the one I quoted above, so I have to go back and read them all.

36

** RexDart ** My response to Daffy was no less petty than her original sneering directed at me, and I did not make serious allegations against her fiance. As you well know, I went on to say that maybe the hostility was due to “ageism”. I also wasn’t the first to “point the giant jealousy finger”.

Of course people can disagree with me! Who’d want to exist in a world of cloned veiwpoints/opinions? Shudder Just don’t make serious allegations of criminal behavior against me or mine, and be certain you have full comprehension of what I’ve said before you do so.

** RexDart ** have you read any of the other posts I’ve made excluding the two related threads? If you had, you’d see that I’m not as you paint me usually. The two related threads are unusual for me. The first one, was a vent, the second one was fueled by outrage at someone’s ignorant accusations and general asshatry.

As for the rest of your observations, you don’t know my spouse, so how can you presume to know his character? He doesn’t even post on this board. I’ve been married once before, and have dealt with what you deem “real problems”. I chose to marry him because of who he is inside, not his age. Why does it bother you who I’ve chosen to love and spend my life with? How is this a personal affront to you? Why the sordrid interest in who I choose to bed?

I’ve seen my friends who are over 30 be worse “pathetic drama queens” than the teens you sneered at. People of all ages do that, not just teens. I think you might just be an ageist/anti-teenager, but I’ll wait to read more of your posts before I solidfy my opinion.

37

oh man, this is getting worse and worse.

As I see it, Zabali:

a) this wedding is making you very very upset.
b) your husband is only wanting to participate in said wedding because it’s his (and your) friend.

Now, as I see it, your husband is going to end up hurting someone, unintentionally or not.

He will either hurt you because he will go through with the wedding and the MOH is going to have you seeing red. I am sure I am not the only one picturing a cake fight. seriously.

Or, he will hurt his pal by not making it to the wedding.

IMHO only, a wife or husband is waaaaaaaaaaay up on the list. Personally, I think he should cancel out of principle.

However, if he decides to do this because his buddy is that important, then you will have to suck it up and (said somewhat jokingly) put a sock in it already.

ONE of you is going to have to make a sacrifice. period. It’s the way most adult relationships work. Now it’s between you and him to decide who.

I know I have said this a million times before in the other thread, but you really need to move. This I guarantee you is the tip of the iceberg. I know money is tight, etc, but it sounds (to me) that at this rate your marriage will not last. It sounds harsh, but that’s just the way I read it.

Daffy has come out swinging, but she does have her points. You go on and on about how you are her (the bride’s) friennd more than she is yours, etc. Maybe it’s me, or maybe its the difficulty in reading this thread, but you have a really skewed sense of friendship seeing all the things she has told us.
I hate to sound mean, because I do realize you are having a very difficult time.
If you decide to go through this wedding, do it with dignity. The ex is NOT going to cause a scene in the church. Your husband will walk up the aisle in less than two minutes. Once the wedding is over you LEAVE. you do not go to the reception. period. you have become “ill” or something. If you are doing this as such a favor to your real friend, the groom, then be an adult about it already. ACT YOUR AGE.
Stop this cattiness. Stop this bitching. Favours for friends should be done with the best of intentions no? You are working yourself up into a tizzy and are simply making the matter worse.

Be the better person in this scenario.

38

Audrey, not only have I got all the specifications for my wedding typed out on my computer, I have the important stuff (cake details, music selection, dinner specifications) written into the contracts. Yes, you’re right, I shouldn’t have slammed David’s Bridal, and I do believe that couples can have lovely weddings on a budget, if they plan carefully. I am sorry to have implied that weddings have to cost a lot when I really meant to say that weddings should be well thought out and express the couple’s (not their attendants) personalities well.

KCSuze, I live with my fiance right now, and we’re very happy, but most little girls want a fairytale wedding, and I’m going to try my best to fulfill my dreams. I have that page that you linnked to open now though, and am going to go read it.

39

Actually, it wasn’t a crime. He was 15, she was 14. She cut him off before they broke up.

You didn’t ask that though, you alleged that he was over 16 when they first had sex, then stated that made him a criminal.

I am well aware of the statutes myself, because I had thought of reporting one of our friends who was dating the MOH, and was over 20. The law states that if one of the partners is over 18, there can’t be more than 4 years age difference. There wasn’t.

Bad News Baboon I will comport myself with grace and dignity at the outdoor wedding, and at the reception too. I’m venting here, so the negativity does not come out there, get it?

40

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Zabali_Clawbane *
**Actually, it wasn’t a crime. He was 15, she was 14. snip The law states that if one of the partners is over 18, there can’t be more than 4 years age difference. There wasn’t.

[QUOTE]

Cite? I have Westlaw open in the other window, and I don’t see anything about the man’s age, just the woman’s.