Hmm, let’s see here…
Facial hair…welllll, check, I guess. It never goes beyond stubble, and nowhere near a full moustache and beard, which would get my ass executed in Afghanistan from what I hear. But it’s not like I can forego shaving, so I’m going to count this as a check after all.
Farting…yeah, I do that on occasion. I think the last time I found it funny was actually before I ever had facial, much less body, hair, so I’m not sure if that interferes with the check or not. But I’m going to check it anyway.
Likes to shoot at things…welll, again yes, but I’m considering. Non-living things, at least. Plinking at tin cans lined up before a good backstop is great fun, but I doubt I’d much enjoy plinking at hamsters lined up in front of it. But hell, I’ll put a checkmark there.
Wearing hair long…now hold on here, I’m confused. Do mullets count for or against being properly masculine? I’ve seen a lot of beer-chugging Bubbas with mullets. Anyway, I can’t put a checkmark here because for the last few years the extent of my hairstyle has been using clippers with no blade guard on my head whenever it grows long enough to need a comb. Downright military-looking, which seems to be a positive masculine thing, but the mullet issue has me deeply perplexed.
Do my nails. Nope. No checkmark here. Gets down to it, I don’t understand the fascination with long nails anyway–I prefer women with short nails. Does this mean I only like masculine women? Geez, this is confusing.
Make-up. Similar nope. In eerie conjunction with the short-nails thing, I usually prefer women who use very little or none of the stuff. Hmm. When I review, all of my checkmarks, or lack of same, are less than emphatic. That would be the problem with being a half-assed hybrid, I suppose.
To be fair, I doubt he has fantasies of virile men, at least not the one-handed variety of fantasies. Witness Why are people so damn sexual?, in which he thinks people are…well, too damn sexual. Evidence of that is all of the porn pop-up ads that happen when a fellow is merely innocently in the process of trying to find somewhere he can steal software.
Waiiiit a minute. Isn’t being so damn sexual traditionally a masculine trait? Men chase it, women supposed to be pure? Good god, this hybridization is insidious!