OK, my first few post have been lite hearted to say the least but now I really got to bitch! I recently got divorced about four months ago and every since then people have been telling me of ways to scam to get my child support lowered. What the fuck is that shit all about?! I mean it’s not like we’re talking about a pet fucking dog here, this is a real person not to mention my one and only son. This really pisses me off when I hear this from people, becuase some of these jerkwads are my friends and family.
Well here’s a clue folks I want to pay my child support! and if I could pay more I would!! So if you don’t mind don’t tell me of ways to cheat my one and only son!!
Thank you, Shakes–I’ve been thinking I was alone in finding this attitude offensive.
Been divorced 'bout nine years now (2 li’l Otto’s), and one of my most vivid memories of the whole horrid time was a letter from a local organization called Parents Opposed to Punitive Support (cute, huh?). To make a short story long, the letter was an incredible, whining rant about how men can’t support themselves and/or their new spouses in the manner to which they’ve been accustomed, etc., etc. To sum up their recommendation (my words): “It’s your money! Don’t let the bitch get her hands on it!”
(Side note: there is, or was, a law firm which used to run radio ads in the form of a phone call from Josephine to Napoleon, or Anne Boleyn to Henry VIII, saying that they just found out that he was being represented by the firm in question, and now they want to work things out. Had to turn the radio down/off. Especially while driving . . .)
No, life isn’t a financial bed o’ roses. But as I remarked to a (childless) aquaintance who was talking about how expensive children are: “No, they’re not expensive. They’re priceless.” They didn’t ask to be born; we dragged them into the world, if not against their will, certainly without consulting them. So I pay. And since I can, I overpay. Perhaps if the former Mrs Otto ran off to Vegas or some such the first of every month, I’d feel differently (toward her, not toward the children); but she’s at least as passionately devoted to their welfare as I am, so I don’t. And as far as what anyone else thinks, it’s none of their <many expletives deleted, even if this is the Pit> business!!!
Good on you, SHAKES. Take a leaf from Ann Landers’s and Dear Abby’s books. Give the idjit a frosty glare, and in your chilliest voice, say “Why would you think I want to do such a thing to my son?”
Re the punitive support issue this can be a can of worms depending on individual circumstances. I pay my hefty support bi-monthly and make each payment as required and feel no compunction about doing so because it’s for my kids.
There are some situations, however, where the amount requested is close to absurd based on the man’s income or job situation. While we can say “Tough you made 'em, now support 'em” if a man feels he can only pay the stipulated amount by starving and living in a rathole, he may become embittered to the point that he ceases trying to pay at all, says f*** it and drops out of the children’s lives which makes reinforcing the desire and willingness to pay even more problematic.
There needs to be a rational balance between need and ability to pay or the entire system crashes for those individuals and their kids. This is not to excuse deadbeat dad’s but there is a real world reason some divorced men refer to themselves as “beat dead dad’s”. In an odd way one of the most aggravating comments my ex made to me at the end of the divorce proceedings was that she would never worry about my paying support because (said sneeringly) “you’re dutiful” which neatly centered my place in the universe as a human ATM.
As an aside according to my ex I don’t make a “child support” payment. She tells the kids that the checks I give her month is for her “mortgage” and that any clothing or school or personal item over $ 25.00 (even haircuts!) is an “ask daddy for it” purchase. It sounds aggravating but in a way I don’t mind because at least they’ve got something to look forward to when they see me. God I’m pathetic.
It’s amazing how many people will look at you funny and criticize your efforts to do the right thing. I’ve faced this several times- once over going on permanent disability (why would you work if you can get out of it?), once over unemployment (why get another job- milk it for the whole summer!), and once over a personal injury lawsuit when my husband was hit on his motorcycle (take the guys house, farm, cars, everything!)
I admire your ability to find the suggestion of “getting out of” your child support payents abhorent admirable. My usual answer to people like this is “What kind of asshole would do something like that?” (even family)
astro, I am not in any way suggesting that there are (numerous) situations where support levels need to be reexamined and adjusted. Nor that there aren’t women (I can’t call such individuals “mothers”–at least, not in the parenting sense) who use the children as a weapon against their former spouses. Such things happen.
But this is a touchy issue for me, particularly because of the letter referred to in my previous post. I don’t remember the details–I burned it after replying with a demand that they remove me from their mailing list–but it made the following “points:”
[ul]
[li]She’s definitely going to misuse the support money and neglect the children;[/li][li]She’s definitely going to demand more and more, and use the children as a weapon if you don’t cough up;[/li][li]You didn’t ask to be a father, so you’re not responsible.[/li][/ul]
There was more, but you get the drift.
I know that most non-custodial fathers do support their children, or at least do their level best to do so. But there are also legions of “men” who walk away from their children and wash their hands of responsibility for their welfare. (Case in point: a person I knew some years ago who tried to get out of paying $200.00 a month for two children. His argument: “But I just bought a brand-new truck, and it’ll be hard to make the payments!” Judge’s reply: “Fine, we’ll sell the truck. Your children come first.” Bully for judge.) These bastards make the rest of us look bad, and I fucking (okay, this is the Pit) well resent it.
Woot!! And today, I just made my last child support payment! I’m still happy to give my son all the support he needs, but damn, it sure is nice not to have to go through his alcoholic mother anymore.
(BTW, I forgot how embarrassingly bad my writing used to be. :o)
When I started reading your OP I didn’t realize it was from 2001. I intended to comment that you could always use techniques to reduced court-ordered CS payments and then voluntarily pay whatever you wanted.
Which sounds, from your update post, like it would have been a good idea.
WADR, in retrospect, your OP comes off as sanctimonious, IMO. You contemptuously dismissed the people advising you on reducing court-ordered payments, but it turns out that reducing court-ordered payments was a tremendous relief when you eventually got there. So they were onto something, and you were wrong to condemn them.
You’re an idiot. Those people were trying to tell me how to game the system to get out of child support payments. Not one of them suggested, I get them lowered then pay any additional amount I wish.
And even if they were, paying child support isn’t something you do when you “feel” like it. It’s an entitlement to the child.
No, he’s tremendously relieved he doesn’t have to have financial dealings with his ex-wife anymore. He is willing to give his son money when he needs it, only now he can give it to the kid directly.
But hey, why let reading comprehension get in the way of condescention?
But those are two separate aspects of the matter. Bottom line is that had you listened to these people’s advice you could have paid the exact same amount and done it in a manner that worked better for you.
What difference does this make? If you’ve somehow convinced yourself that this has some sort of bearing, then how about going to court right now and asking for a court order forcing you to continue paying whatever it is that you intend to continue to pay?
Yeah, of course, But the same point applies. Bottom line is that he would have had the flexibility to give what he wanted/could in the manner that he chose.
You should be able to pay more than the court ordered support, so no harm in getting it lowered, if you intend to support your child at a higher rate than ordered anyway. The problem usually is when one pays less the the court ordered amount.
So in a way you are the type where court ordered child support would be unneeded.
Can you describe some of these “techniques” to reduce court-ordered child support? Mine is based on straight mathematical calculations based on W-2s of mother and father. Doesn’t seem to be much wiggle room in basic math.
The Judge heard my case. He looked at my income and he made an unbiased judgement on how much child support I should pay. I see no reason to circumvent that.
Either way, I would have still had to hand cash over to the mother. It’s not like I could have gave it to my then 4yo son directly. So I don’t know what you mean by paying in a manner that worked for me.
I have no idea. The OP said people told him of ways to do it. I don’t know the details, which are irrelevant to anything I’ve posted.
At some point you might have been able to give the kid money. And even when he was 4 you might have paid for some things directly.
Beyond that, though, it’s possible - likely, even - that your ex would have been easier to deal with if she would have known that you were voluntarily contributing more than you needed to. A person who knows they have a court order behind them has less need to be flexible - or pleasant - than someone who has an incentive to stay on your good side.