I have little patience for niceties if some random jackass suddenly insults me out of the blue. He insults me I’m going straight to his momma. That’s the Chicago way 
Of course, you realize when you come back with a “yo mama” that’s exactly the attention they were craving? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it is what they’re hoping for. The kid getting “laughed at” by his friends is soaking up the attention.
Just the other day I was approaching a hairpin bend when this fucking idiot careened around the corner on the wrong side of the road, narrowly missing me. The fucker then had the temerity to stick his fucking head out the window and shout “PIG!”
What a fucking arsehole. Not to be outdone, I responded by flipping him the bird.
I still had my arm out the window when I hit the pig.
weren’t you wondering where all the gun control threads were coming from recently? and yet here you go making a thread which had nothing to do with guns suddenly become about guns.
Winner!
Oh horseshit. My post no more made this thread “suddenly become about guns” than other posts made it about Germany, elephants, or the military. I was responding to the OP’s topic of harassment by teens; you are making a drive-by snipe at me. Who’s more on topic, again?
A drive-by would imply I wasn’t interested in a response. Way to isolate what you consider my motives for posting!
I feel my point stands. You were active in the thread about the recent upsurge in pro gun control threads on the dope (which contained the opinion that pro-gun control advocates considered Obama’s victory as open season on guns), and yet you introduce “this is why I have guns” into a thread that wasn’t all that serious. I just commented on that.
He does? Hey, that’s great! What’s your dad’s number?
No, seriously, what’s your dad’s number?
No, you don’t understand. We’re not leaving until you tell me your dad’s number.
Marines do not tolerate verbal abuse that isn’t coming from a fellow Marine of appropriate rank. So it was probably some jive about VWs, or Christmas in general.
I swear to Og this happened to me this weekend.
I was attempting to parallel park on a very busy street in Brooklyn but the traffic was continuous and as the light turned from red to green to red and green again I saw no way to back into the spot I wanted.
Finally, I stuck my arm out the window and tried to hand signal to get one car to stop far enough back to allow me to back into the spot, while the light was red so no one would get irritated that I was holding them up.
The first car I attempted this with I did a motion that I thought meant stop and then pointed towards the curb and the parking space. That car rolled right up around and beside me and both crew-cut occupants were looking over at me. Their window was down so I said to them, “Didn’t you see me signalling for you to stop so I could back into that parking space.”
The passenger said, “We saw you but we don’t understand hand gestures.”
I was just about to rejoin with, “Well, I’m thinking of one hand gesture right now I’m sure you’ll understand.”
That’s when I noticed they were two prone-to-being-assholes local precinct (right around the corner) undercover detectives and thought better of it.
No, the correct comeback is “yeh, it was your mom’s cream that made go bald in the first place!”
And here I was, all opening this thread thinking it was about white teen girls, MySpace, stupid-looking pouffy-lipped smiles and gang signs…
Shit. You just cost me 10 minutes of cleaning spewed Dr Pepper off of my monitor.
Don’t talk to me like that. I could be your father. Of course, so could the other several hundred guys your mom serviced that year.
I have one that I very very Very rarely pull out but its always shut them the hell up.
smack your fist into your open palm loudly a few times then ask them if they know what that sound is?
A: my ball sack slamming into your mamas assshole…
Well played sir.
You might also mention that you’re actually his real father.
Teenagers are fucking weird these days. We have one kid on our street who points to the ground when people walk by and says “you dropped something”. I guess it’s a variation on “made you look” or some shit and he gets off on some unsuspecting person looking around like a dope. I feel like going up to him and being like “your going to drop your teeth on the sidewalk you keep it up.”
In The Big Sleep, Phillip Marlowe tells the gunsel “People lose teeth talking like that.” 
My stock response to stupid assholes like the one mentioned in the OP is, “Don’t try and take the piss - you’re not very good at it!”.
For me, this either produces a further insult, to which you can reply, “Now you’re getting the hang of it!”, or it shuts them right up. The first part is best said with a no-nonsense scowl, and the second, with a “I-don’t-give-a-shit” grin.
One I like to use which I’m sure I picked up from a movie or book is “You keep that up you’ll be picking up your teeth with broken fingers.”