Damn you Scylla!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

Or "The Baddest Burn"

Since my very first thread, I have been the recipient of much flame-war waging. Being raised in a family which took sarcasm and ball-busting to be a necessary part of growing up, I find it to be right up my alley. I gladly partake.

My friends are all of similar breed, and we have a long-standing tradition of giving each other a hard time. We also share things that we find to be humourous with each other quite frequently.

Now, over in this thread which ended up being about “Hipnessaucity”, Scylla, you came at me with the following jab:

Well I found this, goddamit, to be hysterical. Creative. Graphic. To the point. aka I loved it. Thank God you were foolishly defending Coor’s light so I can at least save a little face . Unfortunately, finding it so goddamn funny I just couldn’t resist telling my friends. Picture this:

DaLovin’ Dj, pimp-daddy, chillin’ at the outdoor side-walk cafe of this bar in the East Village with a group of his friends. Conversation turns to comedy, and then DaLovin’ starts talking about the Straight Dope. Then he starts talking about the wonderful flame wars.

“What are some good ones people have said to you?” his friend asks.

DaLovin’, not able to resist his desire to share things he finds funny, proceeds to describe your post from memory. DaLovin’ has a very good memory of what it says, having found it so amusing. He stays true to the tone and words used. By the time he get’s to the “You’ll have to squat to scratch” part his friends are unable to remain seated. They fall off their chairs in bouts of laughter, pointing laughing, and then the tears come. A group of DaLovin’s best friends driven to falling off chairs, tear-filled laughter.

You sir, have taken the game off the Board. This is the first time a flame has ever jumped from the computer to my real-world friends group. You have sent that particular meme through me and into them. Goddamn. Props. Skillz. But know this . . .

I’ll get you back. I don’t know how or when (I may have to wait a real long time), but I’ll find a way.

“I wish I was big just once.” - (ref. - Goodfellas)

DaLovin’ Dj

2

Yeah, I laughed my ass off at that one, too. Nothing personal, you understand; I think Coors Light is one step below chilled cat spray. But Scylla definitely knows how to turn a phrase. Are you really sure you want to scrap with him?

3

Those who die in combat go to warrior heaven . . .

I’m not religious though, so perhaps you’re right . . .Oops.

DaLovin’ Dj

4

Here’s a tip: Scylla’s Achilles Heel is the Amish. I don’t know how you might go about getting their help, especially as they probably wouldn’t understand New York City hipster-speak, but it is an avenue to pursue.

Also, there’s the Chair of Ultimate Power. It is the thing most dear to Scylla in the whole world. He’ll probably claim that his wife and daughter are more dear to him, but I’m sure that at night when they’re not around he consoles the Chair that it’s just a facade he has to maintain.

Good luck. Defending Coors Light is a horrible crime, and must be punished. But don’t do anything too bad, 'cause Scylla’s one of the cool ones.

5

Hey, I’m not telling you not to do it, just warning you that you face a formidable opponent. Personally, I think a good-natured duel would be entertaining. Just thinking about a hipster-Amish flame gets me giggling.

6

And this is in the Pit… why, exactly?

Esprix

7

Oh, and if you really want a good laugh, you might have missed this post.

Esprix

8

As those of you who give a rat’s ass about that sort of thing know, Scylla ( or Wildest Bill Lite, as he is sometimes known) and I have had our share of disagreements, and I have endeavored to extend the compassionate hand of enlightenment unto him. Regretably, this has largely proven to be a futile exercise.

He has:

  • argued against the rescue efforts when Baby Jessica was trapped in a well.

  • was implicated in a plot to slip botulism spores into Willie Nelson’s weed stash

  • his claim that Hilary Clinton has a tattoo on her butt reading “Property of Hell’s Angel’s, San Berdoo Chapter” I mean, how could he know unless…….oh. Moving right along.

  • His proposal to replace Sesame Street with selected readings from Ayn Rand

His suggestion that women’s pro basketball would be vastly improved if all games were played “shirts and skins” (Well, I admit, he might have a point there…)

  • His reaction to the death of Jerry Garcia

His denial that Stoidey is the true Incarnation of the Goddess

And of course, there is his adamant refusal to admit when he has been thoroughly trashed and routed in debate by posters older, wiser, and authentically Texan.

And his aversion to things Amish is understandable if you know that he once invested $10,000 for exclusive rights to sell them electric vibrators. (And, no, I won’t give it back! Business is business!)

But to come out and publicly defend Coors “beer”! This is quite beyond the pale ale. He should get himself one of those home-beer kits, so that he might come to understand the subtle nuances of a lager, the grace of a firm pilsner, the sustaining strength of a hearty stout. It is regrettable that he has not. In the words of Byron, “Hell, blithe spirit, wort thou never brewed….”

But, not to despair! Even when the cause of World Enlightenment has triumphed, there will be minor pockets of churlish spite. Perhaps one day I shall take my great-grandchildren to see him, possibly next to the exhibit of an actual Tree.

“Whats that, Grampa! An S……C….Y….”

“That’s Scylla, my dear. Don’t get too close to the bars, he throws………things”

9

Thanks for the tips water2j & elucidator. Out of curiosity, would Amish people use a solar-powered vibrator? What about a steam-powered one?

DaLovin’ Dj

10

I doubt it. Probably something with a hamster wheel, I’d think.

11

I shall have to call in a favor, and get in contact with Mr. Richard Gere . . .

Does it have to be a hampster? What’s small and runs faster than a hampster?

DaLoivn’ Dj

12

A hampster on speed, maybe?

13

I guess I have to call in two favors . . .

DaLovin’ Dj

14

Dalovindj, being that you’re a big city kid and all, you just might wanna try the brains over brawn approach. Dare I suggest first injesting a cholesteral free veggie burger with a lot of sprouts, channel Theodor S. Geisel and organize the underground groundhog resistance to do a surgical strike on Scylla?

Another hint: the enemy within is often the most dangerous. By her own admission, Scylla’s luv muffin has the hot’s for a gynecologist, and thus should represent but a small challenge to a hip hop scratch master like yourself from the Big Apple. You could rewrite the old saying “between Scylla and Charybdis” to putting Scylla between “the Angel of Death and Charybdis.”

Fight the power.

15

And that’s a bad thing…why, exactly? We’re talking about a guy whose most recent claim to fame was being replaced by a bilingual chihuahua in Taco Bell commercials.

16

Of course, Willie has his detractors. Yankees, mostly.

17

Willie Nelson is god in my family. And he is definately within the top 5 singer/songwriters of all time in my opinion.

Sorry for the hijack, but I gots to stick up for Grampa Willie. I call him this because my mom kinda looks like him and I theorize she is Willies love child.

peace,
JB

18

I never know how to respond to these kind of things.

I will note though that I couldn’t help but fall off my chair when Jabe wrote that his mother looked like Willie Nelson.

Two tips:

  1. Don’t let your Mom read that.

  2. If she really does look like WN, I don’t go bragging about it.

19

dalovindj:

Maybe you will kid. Maybe you will.

Then what?

Every two bit punk kid with a word processor and an attitude will be gunning for you.

How long can you look over your shoulder?

But in the meantime…
If you’re feeling froggy, then jump.

20

elucidator:

Ahh, I see you’re maintaining the same attention to verity and accuracy as when you debate.

Sheesh. With all the nutty half-wit things I’ve said here, you oughtta feel ashamed about having to make new ones up.

There’s no excuse for that kind of sloppy work.

:wink: