Yesterday in a buddy chat we got to talking about how much simpler our lives would be if we could just get rid of hubby and live off the insurance money. All in jest of course. So, I thought, surely there are others out here who sometimes feel that way, and would like to blow off a little steam, release some stress and so on. Tell your ideas here. Have fun with them! Here are our contributions:
Woman #1: I think I’ll take him up to Canada during deepest winter, strip him bare naked, and leave him to die of exposure. I’ll make sure that the animals will get to whatever’s left in the spring before his bones are found. <blink Go on, dear. Tell us how you really feel about him today.>
Woman #2: I’ll just get him really drunk, take him to the back 40 of the plant where he works, and leave him to be found sometime later. By the time they’d find him, he’d be dead from shock and/or diabetic shock, and since I never go there, no one would suspect me. Oh, yeah, I’d better leave the bottles laying around too, with his fingerprints on them. <I see. So, you’ll get him back for not following his diet and drinking last weekend, eh?>
Woman #3: I think I’ll take him up into the mountains, seduce him into a stupor, and then bean him over the head with a cast iron pan. Then, I’ll drag his body to where the bear trail is, and leave him to be found by the wild animals. And, I think leaving him buck naked is a nice touch too. Hmmm. Maybe I should rub some bacon grease all over him too, just in case. <Ummm. Just what did he do this time, dear?>
The company I used to work for had a standard life insurance policy for all employees equal to 100% of your annual salary. But if you were killed while on company business you got an additional 100% and if you were in a company car you got another 100% and, finally, if you were wearing your seatbelt in said company car you got still another 100%.
So, aside from constant encouragement to use company transportation, my wife said if they ever called her to tell her I’d been in a car wreck she’d rush right down and buckle my lifeless body into a seatbelt.
Do ex-husbands count? My life would be 1000 times better if he weren’t around. He only has life insurance through his job though so it would have to happen while he was on the job. He’s a welder and they make bulldozer blades and stuff like that… they weigh something like 2 or 3 tons. Maybe one of those could “accidently” fall and land on him. That would do the trick. SMACK… [sub]squish squish[/sub]
“In other news, a Kansas woman was killed today in an accident at her former husband’s job site. According to authorities, she was trying to remove the supports from a bulldozer blade for some unknown reason when the blade fell on her. Nearby workers said they heard a “SMACK squish squish” sound and found her under the blade.”
“Her former husband said he couldn’t imagine what she was doing at his workplace and that, although divorced, relations were cordial as he was “always there” for her. “She often told me life was 1000 times better when I was around”, he noted. “And did she have any life insurance?””
You’re gonna catch it for that one, punha! It is “beck”, and “beck” isn’t a verb in the phrase. According to Webster: “at one’s beck and call” – in obedient readiness to obey any command.
The usage is similar to “being within call” or “at your command”.
Rachell, don’t forget the children (you DO have at least one, IIRC)
I did a bad thing and figured out what my son would get from Social Security, should his father, ummmmmmmmmmmm [Kevin Kline voice] mmmmmeeet with an accident? [/Kevin Kline voice]. It was substantially MORE than we get in child support.
Damn! and I remember talking him OUT of suicide, too.
Well, Paddy, first you (whisper) then you take you finger and (whisper) and when she giggles you (whisper)and once she starts moaning you (whisper) until she climaxes. Get it?
VB, dear. Kindness, yep. That’s the word for it. Yep. Not that we’d ever do anything to harm our dear Flyboy!
Rachelle, that could work, except for the obvious that pluto has kindly pointed out. Too risky for you, dear.
Paddy, m’dear. You’re too young anyway, to be thinking about marriage!
Thanks, pluto and KneadToKnow, for clarifying that for Paddywoo.
Why, VB!!! I…I…say, what are you doing this evening? And, since you’re my room mate now, you’ll have to show me what you mean by those whispers. No, really. I insist.
Aww, c’mon, filthy! You have to tell us now! That’s not fair! I won’t tell anyone, honest.<best wide-eyed innocent look>
Paddywoo, I was engaged in high school, married at 19, and sometimes I’ve wished I’d waited a little while. Still would’ve married Mr Bear, but been on my own for a little longer than I was. You have your whole life ahead of you. No need to rush that.
sili, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Wicked, am I? Did you by chance see my room mate search thread? This is nothing. We’re just talking here. Hypothetically, of course.
This is getting good, giving me ideas with my soon to be ex.
How about this?
Going out skydiving, packing her chute (the wrong way of course), and have one last freefall together. When you’re ready pull your cord, watch her pull her cord, and while you gently fall to the ground, she continues her freefall!
Ouch!
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