No kiss on the first date, and a vague allusion to maybe being free in a week?
:Shakes Magic 8-Ball:
“Outlook not so good.”
Well, Bijou Drains, you went on this date. The rest of us in this thread didn’t. You’re in a much better position than we are to tell whether she’s actually interested or not.
Since she said she’s busy until next week, call her next week and ask her to go out with you again. If she blows you off then or won’t make plans, maybe she’s not so interested.
I realize that the next week might be kind of tough, while you’re waiting. Keep in mind that, as wonderful as she might seem, you don’t really know her that well. If she doesn’t want to see you again, she wasn’t so great for you, anyway.
It’s been a week and a half since the OP. What’s happened?
I don’t know…I don’t claim to speak for all womenkind here but even when I’m up the walls busy, when I really like a guy I’ll either make the time or at the very least suggest a very specific alternative. I may sometimes act like the girl in the OP, but it really is only when I’m not terribly convinced and I’m willing to give things another chance, maybe because I enjoyed the company, but felt little “spark” or something like that.
And yes, I want to know what happened, too.
Work schedules can be hell, not to mention whatever other life schedules are going on. The lady’s done nothing to earn your distrust. Tell her you’re absolutely interested, understand she’s under some pressure right now, and tell her to call YOU when she’s free. She’ll feel less stress, you’ll be free to carry on without worrying about it anymore, and time will tell.
I canceled my first date with a guy I really liked for a pretty dubious reason. I don’t remember how we got together after that (maybe I called him), but I eventually married him.
Stuff happens. IMHO, it’s a bitch to spend the rest of your life wondering whether you blew a good thing by backing off too soon. Better to give it a second shot and know for sure.
Agree 100%. I don’t have any idea, obviously, if she’s just brushing you off or if she’s busy.
Don’t ask her in some puling little tone, “maybe sometime next week?” or “gee, OK, I understand, so how about sometime next week?” Instead, tell her, “I’ve got a yearly pass to the Art Museum, and there’s something I want to see. You, me, next Saturday. I’ll buy you a hot dog even.”
That might sound a little bit dick-ish, but that’s the way you’d treat a friend of yours, right? Just tell her what you’re doing, when you’re doing it, and if she wants to come along, she’ll find a way or come up with her own idea. Not like there’s a worldwide woman shortage. Plus, the advantage to this approach is you’ll know for sure if she’s into you or what her deal is.
Or you’ll find out she works that day. Which might be real or not. The surest way to score with someone with a busy life is to let them tell you when they have time, not guess whether they’re lying to you or testing them to see what’s more important. It might just be a shitty time for her to be social. Fine. Don’t push it or decide on your own what the deal is, because then you’ve blown a chance later when she isn’t quite so pressured.
Sure, she could be busy. But if she is really into you, she manages somehow to get unbusy. IME.
Well yes, that’s what I said. If she doesn’t want or can’t go out on Saturday afternoon to see the traveling show at the museum, she’ll either say “Can’t” or “Won’t” – it’s just a little more positive spin, “my” method, than second-guessing if she wants to or doesn’t, i.e., “putting the ball in her court.”
IME you put the ball in someone’s court by saying what you want to do, when you want to do it, and if they can’t or don’t want to, you’ll know by their response. Obviously, you do this in a way regular people can understand – not being some Leo from “Twin Peaks,” but just set your own terms.
Or just be friends with her. Maybe she’s all that, but not into you sexually. It never hurts to have friends. Treat her like any other friend, and if you’re past the first date and it didn’t work out, just write her off and continue to enjoy her company. Surely she has some other good qualities than her appearance, no?
Jaledin makes very good points about the friend aspect, and the lack of a woman shortage in the world.
Don’t sweat it, man: if this one seems to like you, then chances are so will the next one, should this one not work out.
Obviously she’s not *really *into him. But he’ll never get into her at all if he doesn’t call again.
Cue The Atlanta Rythym Section…
I think we’re gunning for the same bird with different shot, is all. If you set an ultimatum, “This time and this place,” you get to wonder what the answer meant if it’s negative. If you just lay it out there and walk away, then you don’t have to worry about it. I suggest the double-barrel approach, by suggesting a particular, firm date, and then leaving it up to her to make the next move should that time be bad for her, whatever the reasoning.
OK I get your point – my way of thinking is that it’s pretty easy to get somebody’s number as in their disposition if you’re good at reading a response to a pretty clear-cut invitation.
ETA in fact I don’t see any difference at all in your response and mine – same thing. After all, it’s a given that somebody’s going to counter with a different time or even place if it doesn’t work for him or her.
This.
Arranging a date with someone who wants to go out with you is generally easy. You rarely find yourself questioning whether or not they want to go out with you, they are actively pursuing a solution to scheduling a date. In the event that you ARE in that rare situation of having an interest in someone who is genuinely busy and has a hard time committing to a date, you go ahead and make the effort another couple of times.
If it still doesn’t come together, cut bait and move on, if she gets her act together and finds herself able to have a social life, she can call you.
Persistence, my friend. Keep at it unless you’re sure she wants nothing to do with you.
Well she was busy but it did not matter, she decided to go out with a guy she went out with in the recent past, rather than me.
However I met another girl and we have now had 2 really good dates and we are going to do #3 next week. She’s a much better match for me as well.
Or borrow Jimmy’s van and buy some duct tape. Persistence, dude!
Sorry to hear that, but you did get your answer ar least. She just didn’t take a shine to you. Like I said, there’s lots of women out there, and it’s no point taking it personal. Maybe you two can still be friends – if you too hit it off, she probably can fix you up with some of her friends.