Yet another online dating question...

OK, so what are some interesting, appropriate venues for a first date with someone you met online? It has to be evening (she works weekends) which I’m a bit uncomfortable with, I’m not exaclty a night life person (but I don’t think she is either). I’ll be driving to her city (Birmingham, 2 hrs away) which I don’t know much about. And I only have, um, a couple more days to think of a place so any place that requires advance reservation/ticket is out. I know, not many Birmingham dopers around, but I’d appreciate any generic suggestions and advice.

(And in case anyone remembers my previous thread, I’d asked her to a concert in my city but she later turned it down because of a job conflict.)

Rent a hotel room. Have her meet you in the nicest resteraunt in town, order a triple scotch and throw the key to the room on the table. Try to leer. Chicks really dig that kind of thing. :wink:

Ask her what her favorite restaraunts are and go there. That way she’ll feel comfortable and you won’t have to chance a place you’ve never been before. Try to find a more casual dining place rather than a fancy place so the date will be more relaxed and the waiters won’t be trying to rush you out if you want to chat (I’d also look for a place that’s not always paced for the same reasons). If you guys both drink, I’d suggest a casual pub but, if someone doesn’t, I’d go with a restaraunt.

For a first date, I suggest simply going for coffee - with both of you meeting at the coffee shop, so either of you can bail at any time. Anything else can be too much of a commitment for one or both parties, if you find out that you are truly incompatible. Back in my online dating days, I had some excruciating meet and greets, and was extremely glad I didn’t have to stick around for an entire dinner or movie or something.

I agree with featherlou: See if there’s a local coffeehouse with comfy couches or something, someplace you can sit and talk for as long as you’d like. It works with beer in a local bar, too, but not everyone is comfortable with that right away. I’ve had many first meetings/dates at a coffeehouse or bar. :slight_smile:

I also made plans once to shoot pool with someone as a first meeting: that worked pretty well, too. We had dinner (a couple of burgers), and wound up shooting pool until one of us had to leave. It’s another activity with no pre-determined duration, so you can stay for as little or as much time as you’d like. Of course, this suggestion only works if both of you like to shoot pool. :wink:

Good luck – and congrats on the situation! Keep us posted!

Your question isn’t really an online dating question – you actually got a date, so there’s nothing online about it.

If you’re driving 2 hours to meet her in her city, the least she can do is recommend a restaurant/coffeeshop/whatever. Does she expect you to have favorite places in a city that’s 2 hours away?

Well, only to the extent that if it weren’t an online stituation, it would be unusual to dvire 2 hours to meet someone whom I’ve exchanged e-mail for weeks and talked on the phone a few times.

Well, it is the largest city in the area… But you’re right, I should just ask her. It’s just that I always come across as wishy-washy and indecisive, and having her pick the place makes the situation even worse. But I suppose I shouldn’t try to be something I’m not.

I don’t think coffee would suffice, she’s getting off work at 7 and wants to meet at 7:30 or 8.

My only big suggestion is to go somewhere she feels comfortable, be it a public place, or a venue where she knows friends/peers/etc. Some women are (rightfully) cautious when it comes to meeting men in person through these means, and so the best thing I believe you can do is make it as non-threatening as possible.

The date I went on that I met my girlfriend was at a restaurant she frequented, near her own hometown. In this way, she had a lot of control of how the evening went. And just in case you are curious, it worked out very, very well :smiley:

Okay, have dinner on the first date, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. :smiley:

(Best wishes, by the way. It only has to work out once, you know.)

I have to agree with featherlou. A coffee house is the best place to meet. If things don’t go well, you can get out easy - you’re not chained down to a whole dinner or anything. I met my latest online date at a coffee house / book store. Luckily, we hit it off right away and were almost late to our dinner reservations because we talked too much.

Aside to Misnomer - things are going well with BMW and I. Hope that things are going well for you, too.

First things first. I agree with mostly everyone else here and think you should meet at a coffee house around 2 or three. Either the conversation is going to flow and you’ll feel like you’ve known each other forever. If it does head over to a nice restaurant that you’ve already scoped out as romantic and the amount of money you’re looking to spend.

But this leads me to the second part. Driving 2 hours ??? What happens if she does turn out to be as good as you hope? Do you think you’ll be happy to drive 2 hours for every date? Just a thought.

I’ve been to Birmingham before and there’s a p
ace called 5 points that might do well for everyone’s suggestions here.

Good luck!


Well, thanks for all the advice. But looks like it’s going to be dinner. If she can stand to talk with me on the phone for almost an hour, I think there’s a reasonable chance she can endure an entire dinner with me.

I appreciate your concern, but I don’t think it’ll be too bad. I’m used to long commutes. (Mostly on trains, but cars are more comfortable.)

Anyway you’re right, 5 points seems to be the right area.

Thanks, I like that. All too often a pessimist like me thinks it only has to fail once (to lose that particular person) :smack:

I got that from a “Friends” episode - I liked it so much, I kept it for myself!

Well, I’m back from the date. It went reasonably well - I think we both felt pretty comfortable. Went to dinner, then tried to look for a coffee shop or some other place but all we could find was Starbucks. We talked for another hour or so until it closed, and we called it a night.

I don’t think it’s going to work out though. Women as beautiful, nice and successful as her really deserve better than me. :o Still, I’ll call her again in a day or two and see what happens. Thanks all for the advice.

Never underestimate yourself, scr4. You could be just what she’s looking for.

She went to a coffee shop after dinner with you and you talked for an hour. I’m willing to bet that she didn’t do that just to prolong the agony.

It’s the season of Doper luuurrrvvve! :smiley: :wink:

Glad to hear it! :slight_smile: Yep, things are still going well for me: seeing him tonight, actually. It’s been over a month since our first date (how time flies!), and I think we’ll keep hanging out with each other for a while. :wink:

I knew I recognized that line! I use it a lot, too. :slight_smile:

Yay! :slight_smile: Like Baggins111 said, it’s a very good sign that she voluntarily spent another hour with you after dinner. Definitely follow up with that phone call!

Ok, there will be none of that kind of talk. Are you planning to treat her with respect and affection? If you can give that to her, you can give her everything she deserves.

scr4, if I had you here I’d give you such a slap you’d land in Birmimgham!

You’re the only perfect scr4 out there. Now stop kicking your own arse and get it back in gear.

Am I good at pep talks or what!

Hey don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up or anything. I was still just a bit dazed last night when I wrote here last night. :wink: Better to have tried and failed, or loved and lost.

Now choosing the venue for a second date, that’s going to be tougher… She works weekends so it has to be evenings, and I’m not really into night life. Some sort of concert or theatre, I suppose…

Arrgh, I’m confused now. (Maybe TMI, but nothing saucy)

Her last e-mail sounded very casual, no tension at all. I’m having a hard time figuring out if she wants “just a friend” to hang out with or if there’s potentioal for something more. Earlier (before we met) she’d said she joined eHarmony only because she wants someone other than her own children to hang out with. I thought she felt sheepish about online dating and making excuses but I’m not sure anymore. She did refer to me as a “wonderful person” and said she’s looking forward to see me again, that’s a good sign right? And maybe I’m the one sending mixed signals… I’m so bad at this.
:confused: :frowning: