Not acting desperate at all. (but I could be wrong ) What would I have done/said to appear desperate?
In both of these cases it seemed like to me the women were a little desperate because they wanted to go out with me real fast, like in a few days after I asked. I was in no real hurry but they were for some reason.
Dude. You’re 52? Wow.
I’m 48. I had a first date earlier in the week. We met for coffee and talked for two hours. At the end she said, “call me.” I said that I would but after some reflection later I realized that it wasn’t right. Did I really lie? Her “call me” may have just been polite. Whatever.
I should add that I have not dated for 20 years due to being in a relationship during that time. So I guess it’s a little rough at first.
Ah. Now that makes sense. You’re just a little rusty is all.
It will get better. 
I do remember that when the girl runs out of the car right after I stop the car at her house, don’t bother calling her again. 
That only happened once. But truthfully it was not a surprise since I had to talk her into going out.
People hate making other people feel bad. So they act nice, smile, and say “sure” to a proposal for a second date while you’re together. Then they still don’t want to make you feel bad, so they hem and haw and get “busy” when you suggest a time for the next date. It’s kind of pathetic and annoying, but it’s just how some people are.
Actions speak louder than words, and a woman who wants a second date will actively pursue the idea when you bring it up, rather than give a limp “sorry, I’m busy that night”. Unless she’s playing hard to get. You should feel free to drop those ladies along with the ones who genuinely don’t want to go out again, your life will be easier that way.
It might be that they wanted to quickly establish whether or not there was potential with you. The easiest way to do that is to meet as soon as possible. That’s not desperate; that’s efficiency.
I understand why you feel disappointed. Dating does indeed suck monkey balls. But her lack of interest wasn’t a complete surprise, right? I mean, the OP makes it clear that you knew there was a good chance she wasn’t into you. You picked up on what her noncommittal attitude meant fairly well, you just didn’t want to accept as fact what your gut was telling you. In the end, it cost you very little. You did the right thing by following up “just in case”, but the part of you that knew the truth all along saved you from being totally disappointed. This is a great thing because it means you have the tools to understand when you’re being rejected in a less than explict way.
When a woman gives you wishy washy signals in the future, that’s when you need to crank down your expectations and start directing your attention to someone else. Either she’ll flake out into oblivion or she’ll retool her strategy and start broadcasting stronger signals of interest. Either way, that works in your favor.
Well the good news is if you found a relationship that lasted for 20 years, you must have a pretty good idea of what you’re doing. And I’d also like to take this opportunity to remind you of all the failures you had before you found her (unless you were ungodly lucky). Most people have to go through a LOT of awkward and heart-wrenching experiences before they encounter someone they want to be with long-term.
Just out of idle curiosity, how did this exchange go? I’m wondering if perhaps you could avoid some of these brush-offs by asking a woman out for a specific place and time. As a woman, I know it feels a lot more awkward to reject a man who says “Do you want to get together sometime?” than a man who asks “May I take you out to dinner on Saturday?” This is by no means criticizing your approach – hell, I don’t even know exactly what your approach is!
What I do know is that women often feel awkward rejecting men. Yes yes I know, and men feel awkward asking women out! But that awkwardness is compounded when a man extends an extremely open-ended invitation such as “Do you want to hang out sometime?” I’m not legitimizing or excusing the behavior, merely offering this as a reason why your past couples attempts at dating haven’t gone as well as you hoped. Being more specific about the day and time may narrow your prospects down to women who really are interested, and if the dates really did go as well as you say they did, it’s possible that the women never really considered you a prospect and were merely accepting the invitation because it seemed like the less awkward thing to do at the time. (And if they said yes to a second date in person, and then declined later, they definitely seem like the sorts of women who freeze up in awkward situations.)
Maybe you did nothing, and there was no spark on their part.
I’m no expert but some general rules to follow on a first date. Take pride in your appearance, take a shower, shave, trim those woody eyebrows, trim your nose hairs etc… A lot of women look at what men are wearing when it comes to foot wear .So wear a nice pair of shoes as opposed to a beat up pair of sneakers. . Smell good but don’t take an cologne shower.
Be yourself, don’t expect anything on the first date. Don’t talk about relationships, especially your past ones. I was never a fan of bringing up what your looking for in a relationship on a first date, no need to bring out the contract obligations right away. The first date is for finding out if you have something in common,attracted etc.. The relationship talk can come up later if it gets there.
Just be yourself and have fun with the date. I have this attitude I find it relaxes me and I try to have a good time, and a few laughs. I never expect anything on the first date.
Best of luck.
I am probably going to a singles event soon. Never been to one before. Not sure how this is supposed to work, I guess all the women there are expecting to get offers for dates? At least I don’t have to figure out if any have husbands or boyfriends.
Read Ibanez’ post again and follow his tips. He doesn’t look or sound desperate (very attractive) which if your posts are any indication, you do (not attractive). Go to have a good time and don’t worry so much about asking out someone. Work on simple conversation and being relaxed and enjoying yourself. Maybe you’ll meet someone, maybe you won’t, but at the very least you’ll have a fun learning experience.
Do you think I really don’t shave or try to look nice for dates? All the advice from Ibanez I learned back around 1980 and I have not forgotten it.
I’ve no idea and certainly didn’t mean any insult. What you may have missed though is that his post exudes relaxation and confidence, which are very attractive.
These days that’s a perfectly reasonable thing.
Absolutely true; a nice lady and I arranged for a date. We spoke on the 13th, trying to plan when we’d meet. The next available evening is the 24th. It’s just the way it is sometimes.
Please, please, give us an update.
Advice: Do not assume anything.
Did not meet anyone at the singles event that was a good match for me. But I met someone today on a hike that seems like a good match. She was touching me a few times so I guess that’s a good sign.
IMO, blowing you off. I’ve experienced the same thing, and she said maybe she’ll visit me in norway some time or another.
I’d say so, unless it was because she was mauled by a mountain lion and you had to tie off an artery. Otherwise, very good sign.