So, you’re basically saying there is no “right” answer a woman can give to the offer of paying? :dubious:
How about “thank you”?
No, that’s not what I’m saying.
“Thanks for paying, let’s have hot monkey sex” and “Let me get half of that, then we can get on with the hot monkey sex” are both acceptable answers. I’d even accept “I’ll pay, then write you a check just because you’re a stud, then you can have my car. By the way, wanna have hot monkey sex”?
All good.
But back in reality world, it seems that most women have some sort of strong philosophy about paying or not paying, and picking the wrong one is enough to get you your walking papers. And I always seem to pick the wrong one.
No big mystery here: You asked her out, you should pay. I’ve had a few dates offer to pay for part, but I’ve never had a date object to me paying. YMMV.
Maybe I should state that I’ve been married for a long time now, but I can’t believe the rules have changed much.
I’ve always found “OK, go ahead, but the next one’s on me” nicely egalitarian, both for men and women, when the other party insists on paying.
I didn’t agree with all of June’s post, or quite with tdn’s, but I don’t think that’s exactly what he’s saying: you’re welcome to answer however you like, but if your date is torn between being generous and not being insulting, hating him for choosing wrong doesn’t help. Of course, I’m sure you don’t, just you haven’t dated tdn 
And OTOH, it’s entirely possible for someone to offer to pay in an accidently insulting way, but I’ll trust tdn didn’t
Okay, so really, the only reason you’re willing to buy a woman dinner is with the tacit understanding that there will be sex later?
Please, in the future? Make sure your dates are well aware of this. It’ll save time.
a) The fact that the double standard totally sucks for women doesn’t make it invalid, or untrue, that the double standard totally sucks for men. The OP’s complaints are actually intrinsically feminist in the sense that they rail against sex roles that are patriarchal in origin. If one cares about feminist goals, one should always be prepared to see males complaining about their side of rigid patriarchal sex roles as at least potentially a good thing, even if you have to educate the guys about the fact that the girls didn’t dream this mess up 10,000 years ago in the girls’ bathroom and inflict it on the boys.
b) I will echo the OP’s complaints, minus the assumptions that the female side of the fence has truly excellent and verdant grass, and would urge all women to take them as seriously as you’d ever wish or expect males to take female concerns and complaints about the oppressiveness and unpleasantness of rigid sex roles.
c) Each to their own, I guess, but… absolutely and totally NOT what John Carter of Mars said. I actually give occasional thought to deciding in favor of transsexual surgery in order to live as a lesbian, and it’s not the body that’s the problem at all, it’s this stuff. Not just the dating and courting stuff, admittedly, but that’s where it stings the most.
That’s quite possible. I’ve never asked a woman out, so I’m certainly an authority. Also, most of my female friends believe in equal partnerships, so my view is kinda skewed. But you’re right - 50 percent is still damn good. Though that might be considerably lessened if you expect hot monkey sex on the first date. 
One interpretation of this is that you feel crushed to the point of crying whenever a girl isn’t available to grab coffee with you. I pretty seriously doubt that that’s what you meant, but if it is, you might do better to stay out of the dating pool for a little while.
Sheesh, time was when one could post a little hyperbole without getting blasted for it.
Words to live by.
I always pay for the first meeting, unless I get a strenuous argument about it. The time to go dutch or let her buy is down the road, not first meeting.
It always seems simple to me. The guy who did the asking offers to pay (note, I said “offers”, don’t just grab the check and hand the waiter your card). Some women will be fine with that, some will offer to chip in their half. I don’t think it really says all that much about a woman whichever way she leans. I generally offer but if the guy protests that he wants to pay, I accept gracefully. If he accepts my offer, hey, I’m cool wit’ that too.
It works both ways. Some guys get really offended if you offer to pay your share and some get offended if you don’t. (this may be partly generational tho’)
It always seems simple to me. The guy who did the asking offers to pay (note, I said “offers”, don’t just grab the check and hand the waiter your card). Some women will be fine with that, some will offer to chip in their half. I don’t think it really says all that much about a woman whichever way she leans. I generally offer but if the guy protests that he wants to pay, I accept gracefully. If he accepts my offer, hey, I’m cool wit’ that too.
Nope, rules haven’t changed as far as I know. If a guy asks me on a date, I assume he’s paying, and vice versa…if I ask someone to the movies, for a cup of coffee, or out to dinner, I consider that I’m paying.
However, I always try to have money to pay for (at least) myself in case I have misunderstood the invitation or something “bad” happens.
Hmm, something weird happened there…
I have. Many times.
But the worst situation is when I offer to pay, and she offes to pay half, and when I say OK, she gets all insulted that I didn’t insist on paying the whole thing. And in case you think this only happens to me, my girlfriend tells me of some of her friends for whom this is standard operating procedure.
Of course, any woman psychotic enough to do that isn’t worth being in a long term relationship with anyway, so these dates are mercifully self-Darwinizing.
Sorry, tdn, not your fault. This is a button pusher for me. Women work out, try to look nice, put a lot of effort into their appearance, and when we do get asked out by a guy we are really interested in, we find out they aren’t especially interested in us as people at all. Don’t get me wrong; I get plenty horny, too, and there are times when really nasty monkey sex is all I want. But jeez, am I not worth getting to know at all? shrug
Of this I have no doubt, and I’m sure it contributes largely to the problem. Note that in my complaints about psycho women, I never claimed that men weren’t equally psycho.
It’s a dangerous world out there, kids.
You seem to inhabit a world where common sense and decency rule the day. I don’t date in that world.
(To be fair, I have dated a good number of very decent and understanding women, it’s just that I went through a long period of dating nothing but certifiable lunatics, and that’s left me just a wee bit jaded.)
No, I’ve seen this happen, too. These are also the same women who will order the most expensive thing on the menu including wine, take two bites and half a glass, proclaim herself full, and then say that taking it home for later would only be a waste.
WHOOSH!