I’m just about divorced. Been separated since Jan 1. Have not had a post marriage date yet. I have a few threads about some of my potential dating opportunities…if you want more details… I am 34…and could ask out a 22 yr old who seems to like me…but I probably won’t. I met a woman at the airport…who may or may not ever email me… I also just recently exchanged a couple emails with a cute woman in my town…
I am fairly actively using craigslist and yahoo personals…but not having much luck…
But the question I have for you: How many days/ weeks/months/years? until I have a genuine face to face “date like experience” with a woman? The person who guesses most accurately will win…umm…the knowledge that you are brilliant.
I know you are all just dying to participate… What do you think? I pretty much look exactly like this: —> :rolleyes:
I think this is extremely good advice, and it’s exactly what I did. I didn’t even consider dating, didn’t even look around, until the six-month waiting period was over. It was another few months after that before I even met anyone I wanted to go out with. It was a time of healing and getting to know myself.
The specific timing may just depend on your circumstances, but from my very recent experience (divorce final in May after 14 years’ marriage, separated for 18 months up to that point [and not actively dating during the separation]) - I thought I was ready to date. And maybe I was ready to meet people, but I’ve realized the hard way that I’m not yet ready to get into a serious relationship. I started down that path with someone with whom I really clicked… but the highs were too high, and the lows too low, and some issues I thought I’d dealt with I only have suppressed.
So my advice would be to have fun but keep your expectations low. Your priority now is, as RM says, to heal and get to know yourself. Like a physical injury, the absence of constant emotional pain is not the same as being cured, and if you try too hard too soon, you will open wounds that are not quite healed.
My divorce was final May 20th of last year. I took 6 months or so to myself. The rush of freedom afterwards was amazing. I loved it. With dealing with all the BS I did for 4 years I didn’t want to date or see anyone.
After six months I started poking around the dating scene and I was hit with dud after dud. Now that it has been over a year, I am not even sure I am even ready to date. I have met maybe two that I would have considered being long term with, and for whatever reason they didn’t work out.
If I have learned anything in the last year, there are a lot of people out there that are ready and willing to settle down. I refuse to put myself in the same situation I just came out of so I am very choosey. Picky even. My advice, take it slow. Don’t be so egar to be with someone that you end up in the same situation you just came out of.
I know I still have a lot of stuff to work on with me… and it has been over a year. Give yourself time, not a deadline.
ETA: A very good friend told me something that stuck with me. You get what you put out. If you send vibes of “wanting, needing… must have… desperation”, you will get that back. I didn’t realize I was sending out those vibes because I was so eager to spend time with new people. In return I got what I was sending out. People that were clingy, depressed, paranoid thinking that they could find happiness in some other person instead of within themselves.