Dating: Ladies, is this some kind of hint?

[Flipstrip]

@Klaatu

As far as price goes, if I take a first date to a restaurant, I am fully expecting the lady to order whatever she wants, and prepared to pay for it. We might not go to the most expensive place in town, but I would be puzzled if a date said “Does this cost too much?” As soon as we are seated/get a menu, I say “Order whatever you like.” I feel I would look like a cad/moron if I said “Uh sorry, don’t order the lobster, get the chicken.” I wouldn’t go somewhere I thought the price was beyond my means.

My first serious boyfriend would always let me know what he could afford to pay for. We never went anywhere expensive, but I couldn’t count the times he’d lean over and say, “Don’t order anything over $10.” I got in the habit of just looking for the cheaper things on the menu.

I didn’t even realize how deeply the habit was ingrained until I started dating the guy who wound up being my husband. After several dates he said, “You know, you don’t always have to order the cheapest thing on the menu.”

As for saying, “I think I’ll have the chicken and rice,” I just consider that small talk.

[Grrr]

@Harriet the Spry

There are also those who feel strongly that two people should not order the same thing. It has a certain logic, maybe you get to try the baby bald eagle and the Kobe beef. But on the other hand if you both really want the same thing, why not get what you want? Still, there are those who just feel unnatural with two orders of chicken and wild rice.

Hmm, I thought it was only taboo to order the same thing at Asian restaurants.
Anyway, I guess my original feeling was correct and they were just making conversation. (I wasn’t talking about a particular girl BTW, just girls in general)

[MandaJo]

@AHunter3

Did I miss a point in the setup where it was established that the male person has indeed done the asking?

If I’ve got time to hang out after work and call my buddy, “What’s up, wanna hang out and get some beers & chow before heading home?”, it doesn’t matter which of us suggest it, both credit cards are going down on the bill. I see no advantage to a policy of “You asked, you have to pick up the tab”. Seems like a disincentive to making the invitation.

One advantage is not having to talk about money, or even refer to it. Talking about money with aquaintances makes me uncomfortable–I have to know someone pretty well before I feel at ease refering to money-stuff at all. It’s a personal space issue–money is private. A second advantage is that it just feels good to be nice to someone, and it feels good to have someone be nice to you. Alternating paying allows for both these warm and fuzzy feelings.

Now, there are good reasons for always going dutch as well. I’m an old married lady, but I have platonic relationships that are strictly “dutch” and I have platonic relationships that involve alternating checks. There are advantages in both systems.

I do tend to have an affinity for women whose first response to the word “romance” is “WARNING DANGER DANGER GIANT BATCH OF GENDER-SPECIFIC SEX ROLES WITH CANDY COATING”. For them, I may be McDreamy. Regarding the things that are major concerns for them, I am already so there and we don’t have to thrash it all out. (It may take a little while before we both become aware of that but it’s still nice)

Again, I don’t think you can dismiss wanting to alternate checks as inevitably knee-jerk gender-role stuff. I have the least traditional gender-role marriage I know, and certainly the least romantic relationship I know–we got stainless steel wedding bands for a reason, and it’s not that we are into industrial music–but one thing my husband and I have always agreed on is that we like to pick up checks. It’s nice to be giving, and we are grateful to be in a position where we sometimes can be. I don’t like talking about money, as mentioned above, so I don’t fight over the check, but I do like to pick it up sometimes for friends. I really don’t have much of a reference point for how I am in romantic relationships since my husband and I pooled our incredibly meager college-finances right from the get-go, so that was always “what can we afford?”.

[Rigamarole]

A little different perspective here since the OP has been answered - I’m a server in a restaurant and I’d say at least 95% of adults order for themselves, and it always strikes me as a bit strange when someone orders for another adult they are with. And it happens both ways (with dates/S.O.'s) - as often as not the female will order for the male.

[whiterabbit]

I would be put off if a guy ordered for me on a first date, but if we’d been together a bit and I knew he wasn’t some sort of control freak/chauvenist type I’d think it was sweet…on special occasions, anyway. But he’d damn well better ask me what I want before ordering because I can be really picky and I know it. I would not appreciate a guy picking my food out for me.

I never, ever go to a restaurant without the means to pay for my own food unless it’s been previously agreed upon that I don’t have to pay, and that goes for dates or even lunches with my mom or something. And I don’t have qualms about picking up the check if I can afford it, at least some of the time. I would never expect a guy to ALWAYS pick up the check. Maybe more often than I would if he had more money than I do, though!

[StuffLikeThatThere]

When I started dating Mr. Stuff, I paid for a few meals, although they tended to be informal lunches rather than evening dinners. Mr. Stuff is older than I am, and somewhat old-fashioned in his outlook. He was 40 when we started dating (we’d known each other periferally all our lives), and had never been married or in a long-term relationship.

He had a very good idea of what he wanted in a partner, and it didn’t take him long to decide that I was it. Shortly after we started dating, it was very clear to me that I was being courted, in every old-fashioned sense of the word. He wanted to treat me very well in every possible way (and still does - what a guy), and for him, that included picking up the check whenever we were together. I loved it, not for the money-saving aspect, but because of the spirit in which it was done. However, if I had not believed that there was at least a reasonable chance that we would end up together, I would not have continued to see him; it would have been taking gross advantage of him.

He has, however, never ordered for me. In fact, after being together for some time, I routinely order for him. If we are in a restaurant where we frequently dine, I’m better at remembering details than he is, and I don’t mind. So he’ll say, “I want the sirloin, and the other stuff I usually get,” and I’ll order the sirloin, medium rare, with a baked potato and sour cream, a caesar salad to start, and a diet cola for him. (Or whatever.) If we are in a restaurant where he doesn’t know the menu, it’s often very hard for him to decide - he doesn’t know foodie terms as well as I do, and will get unexpected surprises as a result. If I suggest a pasta dish for him, I’m much better at ordering something without tomato sauce, which gives him horrid heartburn. Again, just an example. Sometimes waitresses smile at us a little oddly, at which point he says, “She knows what I like,” and lets it go at that.

And, to get back completely to the OP, I don’t think her comment was a hint of any kind. It was probably just conversation. It would a) fill empty space, b) be safe, and c) perhaps give her some insight into your likes and dislikes, assuming you respond in kind.