That’s a good point, if not relevant here. Who Mr. Perfect is can change with time. A friend of ours thought she found him - he drove a Rolls. But he was not interested in getting married to her. She eventually found a nice guy who would have been beneath her before, and they’ve been happy. She wasted years, though.
Anyhow, there might be love on first sight - but not second and third sight.
I’ve never said that it makes sense to wait months or years to bring up the subject. Is her dating card so full that wasting a second or third date on someone not interested going to be a problem?
I think a lot of men are on the fence. Some percentage are not interested, period, some may be ready to go to the county office next week, but most are going to think it depends on the woman.
Is the next question going to be about the number of children he wants, if any? Not with her, in general.
I understand her statement doesn’t mean him - but he’s the one who is there. First dates are about favorite movies and favorite ice cream flavors not life plans. (Unless they are going to Antarctica for a year, leaving next week.)
I never had a problem with getting married, but I would have been put off by a woman who brought it up so soon. No one did, but that was before the panic about the fertility window.
Knowing this stuff, and the name of the story, is how I got on Jeopardy.
I was panicked about fertility. But i also got married really young, so it was more about, “i can’t wait to establish my career, i must start trying to get pregnant now”. The fertility thing is real. I have a lot of friends who ran into trouble trying to make babies, and while you never know for sure, they were all over 30.
Oh, I’m not doubting it. Our friend wasted so much time on the guy with the Rolls that she missed it. But I don’t recall it being a thing many women worried about 50 years ago. But marriage ages are higher now than they were back then. And pregnancy, unfortunately, is still disruptive for careers.
Our first date will be in about two weeks as we don’t live in the same area. In the meantime, we have gone into much more details about what we both want via texts and a video call. So far, our goals align very well.
I can imagine that, were it not the case, it would be better to know it even before meeting.
Again, we are all trying to read tea leaves here and all we have is two lines of clickbait.
This is entirely a question of YMMV and interpretation. One can generously read the two lines and assume a meaning written by a reasonable person. One can also read the words and take into consideration the worst interpretation.
There isn’t enough information here to prove either way.
She’s from another culture than me. With my peers, no one did elaborate proposals and couples jointed decided if they were going to get married or not.
If she wants to be in a committed relationship within two years, then just say that. Then a reasonable person can decide if they agree with the goal or not.
Giving an ultimatum for a proposal seems different to me and phrasing seems like an ultimatum to me.
reasonable people can disagree if this is a specific ultimatum to this guy or if she’s simply stating her goals. We don’t have enough information to know for sure.
I’m just not a big fan of unilateral ultimatums, especially if there isn’t any history of problems.
Big picture about the OP’s cites taken 100% at face value:
Her presentation style surely sucks; the substance of her goals and the nature of her personality may be fine. The latter part is all Rorschach to us.
As mentioned above, I’m actively dating. Partly via online methods and partly via traditional random trolling through the real world with eyes peeled.
There are a subset of prose profiles out there which amount to a checklist of all the things you can’t be or else she’s totally irretrievably not interested. These list very few (or no) mate traits they desire, but a lot of mate traits up with which they shall not put. And very little about what they might bring to the relationship for their partner’s benefit. It’s almost like I’m reading a vendor qualification doc for the honor of bidding on her companionship.
Which profiles leave me with two impressions, regardless of how reasonable their laundry list actually is. 1) These were all your issues with prior dates / mates. 2) You’re not getting a click / swipe from me.
Of course I only see female profiles but I have to imagine the women see a mix of guys with perhaps different, but equally off-putting, sales techniques.
All in the name of “saving time” by not dealing with unqualified “bidders”. Much time is saved, but I bet a few babies are thrown out as well. For younger folks “babies” both figuratively and literally.
He was soon known in the small world of Boston black academia, Coretta Scott King later noted, as “the most eligible young black man in the Boston area at that time.” The first time he called Coretta Scott, at a friend’s suggestion, he talked a smooth line: “Every Napoleon has his Waterloo. I’m like Napoleon. I’m at my Waterloo and I’m on my knees.” Jive, she thought, but different than most jive, because it was “intellectual jive.”Meeting him on a blind date, she thought him too short. It was only as he began to talk that she got interested. After their first date, he took her home and virtually proposed to her. He demanded, he told her, four qualifications in the woman he was going to marry: character, intelligence, personality, and beauty. She had all four. Could he see her again? he asked.
Emphasis mine
Yeah, the woman in the OP’s meme is TOTALLY off base, acting in a way that a man would never act.
Who said no man would act that way, or worse? Rushing things is a common problem with men. I even know a song about it - All Right Now by Free.
I’ve done vendor qualifications and evaluations, and thinking about it I’m glad I was already married before I learned this, because otherwise it might have carried over into my romantic life.
In about five seconds I’m going to recast this entire problem as something to which search space heuristics can be applied. Maybe she should use a breadth first approach (date lots of people until someone is interested in marrying her) rather than depth first (dating one.)
I could get even geekier.
What a strange family! Apparently Son and Daughter can’t take this unnatural sugar-saturated super-pleasantness and halfway through dinner both of them snap and turn into annoying psychos, much to the dismay of Father. Mother is not shown during this psychotic break, but has probably fainted.
Has anyone actually said that, or even remotely implied it? In fact, I’ll happily acknowledge that men are more likely than women to be superficial, demanding jerks. Jerkishness and selfishness knows no gender boundaries. That does not in the least change my negative opinion of the ultimatum declared by the woman in the OP.
