Does anyone truly understand what it’s like to be this lonely? So lonely that it causes you pain? Thinking that nobody truly cares whether you live or die?
I feel that way every single day of my life. I have no one to turn to. Nowhere to go.
I wish I could just start all over again. From the beginning. When everything was good. And uncomplicated.
I’m so angry with the world. Yet I do not show it. I keep it all in until it eats me from the inside. Right now I am being consumed by my burdens. I wish I could just cry and get it all out of my system. But I can’t. I am numb. I have nothing left inside me. Only despair.
The only satisfaction I get anymore is in doing things for others. I’d give my left arm for anyone who needed it. But invariably I am misunderstood, and then I am left feeling lonely again.
I’m just a little boy in a man’s body. My demeanor is all a facade. I hide behind cockiness because I don’t want anyone to see what I really am. Just a shy, timid, scared person. I’m scared even to talk to people at times. So I run away, and perpetuate my problems.
I just so desperately want to be normal, to be loved, to be understood. I’ve never had that before.
Well done, Dave, you’ve arrived at Loneliness Central. Doesn’t seem a week goes by without someone on this board starting up an “I’m so lonely” thread (last one was Eutychus55, IIRC. AKA The Most Popular Guy On The Block telling us he was lonely as hell.)
I know I have friends, so I’m slightly up on you. But I have no family as such. I live alone. I eat alone. I sleep alone. This is a situation which will last – well, forever, but I always hope not.
I’m the one who hates Easter and Christmas because they’re family celebrations. Valentines Day makes me puke. I’ve said this before on the board, so I won;t go into it.
Okay – if you want, you can e-mail me. E-mail any of the guy an’ gals who’ve participated in the “Lonely” threads – you might strike up a friendship.
Guy with your talents shouldn’t be lonely, Dave. Trying reaching out a little more. (Trite advice, but hey, it’s free!)
This wasn’t the first time I’d felt like this and it probably won’t be the last. I understand completely what you’re feeling.
The only thing you can really do is search down deep in that very heart of your being, past all the things that are telling you that you should be feeling the way you feel, and find that one spark that tells you to reach out.
You’ve really already found that by posting what you did.
I know there are people here who’ve expressed admiration for you in other thread. Send them an e-mail, if for nothing else just to say “Hi.” You might be surprised. (I know I was. :: sigh :: )
Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Even if what “yourself” right now is lonely and depressed. There’s more understanding out there than you may realize now.
I’m so very sorry you feel so alone, Airman Doors, USAF.
Nothing I can say will help, really, so I will just say that at the very least, you have friends here. We may not be there to hug you, but we do care.
You have already been given excellent advice, and I second it. Email someone you have enjoyed “talking” to here…close friendships have formed after doing just that.
If it’s any consolation, yeah, I’ve been there. I visit occasionally. It’s okay. Gives me an excuse to enjoy depressing music, and wallow for a bit. Nothing wrong with that.
I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading what you post. From what I can tell from your writing, you’re a smart, funny guy.
If I was in your neck of the woods, I’d be proud to hang out with you. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
The rough part about friendship is that first time you reach out, putting your self-esteem on the line, hoping that suggestion that you go out for a beer or whatever isn’t tossed back in your face… but it rarely is, you know. Everybody can use more friends.
It’s always been worth it for me.
Keep at it. It gets better.
Oh, and didn’t you enlist recently? It’s gotta help to know that sometime soon, your life won’t look anything like it does now.
I can’t go into much more about it, as I’m at work, but it’s hell to go through.
The worst of it for me was feeling like nothing and no one can reach me. Depression builds a wall that’s impossible for someone else to break through.
I had to first teach myself that I wanted to live, then tell myself (literally, say out loud), “OK, since you want to live, do you want to live like this?”
Then I had to do whatever I felt would get me out of this slump: sleep if I was tired, eat if I was hungry, see a counselor if one was available, take St. John’s Wort (that worked for my low-level depressions). A road-trip somewhere, anywhere. The one thing I didn’t do was drink alcohol. That only made it worse.
When I broke up from a relationship so intense that I couldn’t sleep at night, I replayed championship chess matches, Fisher, Capablanca’s mostly, over and over again. For about two weeks.
What really helped was to create: poetry and fiction. Not about the depression, mind, but something that caught my interest and got me away from the endless introspection.
Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.
It’s not easy to fight the black ass, and I feel for you. Don’t give up.
Dave, you and Paddy know that you can talk to me anytime you need to. If I’m here, I’m always willing to listen to and talk with you. People here are very warm and generous, and the first step is to reach out to one of them.
You know i’m here for you whenever you need to talk…you know where to find me!I’m always around, and once you get off your bizarre work schedule and resume your normal life, feel free to IM me anytime. And hey, you still owe me a cup of coffeee in New York one of these days
I’m not giving you a virtual hug…but just know i love you babe!
Hey, if you ever want to talk to someone man, and you’ve got AIM, my name is LocaLPanda. And this is the best place to come to relieve stress. I felt like killing myself when I first started coming here, and everyone here was really supportive. Thanks again guys.
I’m sitting here crying like a baby right now. I just needed to get that off my chest the other day. I never expected anyone to respond. That you have done so is a testament to yourselves and the kind of people you are.
I wish I could give you all a great big hug, but I guess this will have to do.
{{{Nocturne}}} I’ll be talking to you soon. Count on it.
{{{Pammipoo}}} God, what I wouldn’t give for that coffee right now.
{{{Palmyra}}} How did your paper turn out? I hope you did well.
{{{Ice Wolf}}} BTW, someday you’ll have to tell me about NZ.
{{{Euty}}} Even the mods love me.
{{{Scotticher}}}
{{{mrvisible}}}
{{{iampunha}}}
{{{pesch}}}
{{{Totoro}}}
This has been, without a doubt, the worst week I’ve had in a very long time. I just need to make it a little further, and with your support, I think I’ll be OK.
Thanks a lot. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I mean that, all of you.
Hello, Airman, and I’m sorry this is belated…
Here is Shakespeare’s Sonnet 29, known to me as the “poem to be read aloud when I’m down.”
Quick vocab key: bootless = useless
featured = resembling
art = talents
scope = range (?)
change = trade places/exchange
When, in disgrace with Fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
)