For these past few days/weeks I have felt nothing but loneliness. Is it possible to be lonely even if someone is always around you? I am not used to being alone. Since my sophomore in high school I had at least someone. Now I am alone and I dont know how to cope with that. I find myself crying in massive amounts. Wishing to die wishing that the loneliness will go away. So many thoughts go through my head. There have been times I have tried to end this loneliness, but someone was there to intervene or I lose the courage to go through with it. People say go out have fun make friends. I ask how am I to make friends and have fun in this state. I have become a bitter person. Hard to live with. Hell even my dog stays away from me now. I cant sleep. I only eat because I have to. I have no appetite … food just doesnt seem all that appealing anymore.
I have a temper which I cannot control anymore. I go off on the littlest things. I scare people … I scare myself. I get jealous of my roommate. How he has someone to turn to during this time. He is always leaving me alone, due to my recent behavior. He wonders and asks what happen why I changed and that he wants to see me happy. If only he could feel the way I do then I could be. You cant make someone love you. Maybe he was right. Maybe I am spoiled. I got so used to having him there and now that he is always leaving I get so angry and sad. Not a very good combo for me. The outcomes are not pleasant.
Yet still I find myself sitting on that uncomfortable futon in a daze. My body feels numb. I feel as though I am no longer in control of my actions. I want to go away forever. Away from the pain and sorrow. Away from the loneliness. Although it was just a couple of months ago I was a happy person at one time. I thought I had someone who finally loved me, wanted to be with me, someone I could make happy. Now that seems so far away. I can barely recall those happy times. I am officially Alone … alone something I must get used to from now on.
I dont even know why I am writing this thread. I dont know why I even came here. Here … I am also unknown and alone. You dont know me for I dont post that often. I guess I came here to cry out and let people hear how I feel. Maybe in hopes to find an answer as to why … Although the only person who can help me is myself. I am sorry for those who took time away from their lives to read this. I guess I am a burden to all … including myself.
Kremit - IANAD, but it seems very clear to me that you’re suffering from depression. And yes, it’s perfectly possibly to feel like the only person in the universe even when you’re surrounded by people. It’s an awful feeling and it can make you feel like the most miserable person on earth. Those mean and nasty feelings aren’t who you are - they’re a result of depression. It is possible to be happy again, and by sending this little cry out to the SDMB, it sounds like you’re ready to ask for some help.
You might not post often, but I recognise your name. I hope you can find the strength to get some help.
I know who you are! And so do a lot of other people who care about you (and know you better than me and Fran).
If you really feel as bad as your post makes it sound you need to seek out some help. There is no shame in looking for help when you need it, many of us have been there!
Listen: depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain… just a sickness! If you had the flu, you’d look for help from a doctor, wouldn’t you? This is no different. Physical illnesses sometimes go away by themselves, but sometimes don’t without some help; mental illnesses sometimes go away by themselves too, but sometimes don’t without help…
I recognize your name, too. I am a huge Kermit the Frog fan, so your name always catches my eye and I giggle for a while saying your name both ways (kremit and kermit).
I think Francesca is right. You sound depressed. Sometimes we go into a funk and our brains forget how to feel differently. You might consider going to some depression websites and reading about symptoms–it might surprise the hell out of you to know how “normal” (or should I say typical) your feelings and moods are.
To treat depression, you can start by going to see your doctor. Your regular ol’ doctor–don’t feel like you have to sift through the yellow pages and find your own specialist. Your doctor can help you decide where to go from there.
Once you start to feel better, the other steps to improve your life (adding to your friends, getting along with your roommate, etc) will seem doable. Really. It’s not hopeless, honey. But our minds are terribly good at tricking us into thinking it is, when we’re depressed. It just breaks my heart to hear you suffering like this, but I’m sending my best vibes your way. Things can get better, really.
I don’t give cyberhugs, but you’re worth an exception.
I’ve always been partial to Fozzy Bear myself, but here’s me $.02.
You’re going thru what most of us seem to go thru at some time or another, it’s not a life sentence. Things WILL change, trust me. The first few months after my first break-up I felt just like you now sound. It took me a while, but things got better. I lost my girlfriend last February too, and I’m still not 100%, but I’m getting better and I know I’ll be the way I used to be, just like you’ll be the way you used to be someday. It just takes time. There’s nothing wrong with crying, do it until you can’t anymore. Then go outside, you’d be surprised how nice it is out there. Friends can be a comfort and you don’t have to be teh person you were before everytime you’re around them, and hopefully they’ll realize it.
And you’ve ALWAYS got us Dopers!!! Like it or not!
Yup, it’s very easy to be lonely surrounded by people.
People are giving out good advice, here. Take it.
I might add one thing that worked for me: Try to start some exercise. I know, it’s so hard to find the motivation, but try. Go walking, go running (running works for me), go bicycling, something. Find something where you can set your own pace and allow for introspection.
It’ll make you feel better about yourself. It’ll make you hungry enough to eat and tired enough to sleep. It works, OK ?
And the Dopers are always good for a shoulder to lean on.
You posted here and you’ll find the Dopers interested in your life, so you aren’t all alone, even when you feel lonely. I don’t consider this a waste of time and I want you to feel better. My therapist said when the pain overcomes the fear, you’ll get help. It sounds like you’re hurting and you sound like you know this pain is too big for you to bear alone. With work, you can change this. With help, you can get better faster. If you really hate where you live, you move. You work hard at packing up your stuff in boxes and strenuously carry it out of your place to a new place. With help, the move goes faster. But it is you doing the work. You can take it slow, one litle thing at a time, until one day you find yourself in another place. You are worthy of love and respect and attention. Your dog is a simple creature—treat him with love and respect and attention and he will return it to you very quickly. People will also respond to this in time.
Hey, kremit, check your email. You sound like you are having a hard time, but as you can tell from the kind souls who posted in this thread, many of us have been where you are–and are very glad we lived to tell the tale. I can’t tell you how or when, but I can promise you that if you get help and if you hang in there, things will get better for you.
Hey all Kremit334 stepping in. Sorry about not responding earlier I have a limited internet access and can only get on when at work. Thanks for the advice. I came in especially for you Cranky so you wont worry anymore :). Things are a little better today, but I am sure I will still have my times. I will try my best to look in all the advice here. Wow never knew that there were some people here that would respond. Many have said I need help. I have been told that quite often for some time. I am not good at telling others how I feel. l I have locked myself up far to long I guess. I am slowy and I mean very slowly working myself up to actually talk. This place was my first stop. I would just like to say thanks.
And really, if you find you want to try talking things out, this board is chock full of people who have been there. Actually, at times I find it a little eerie, how many of us are getting treatment for (or have previously needed treatment for) depression, either situational or chronic. Of course, maybe that’s less a measure of the nutjob quotient here and more a function of the fact that depression is common. Over our lifetimes, the chance of being depressed at some point is pretty high. So you’re not weird or sick or weak. Or else you are, but so are most of the rest of us.
I can only second what everyone has said here. Your post reminded me of my own difficulties in my past. As for it being hard to talk to someone, I’ve been there too. It took me 10 years to do it. I had to work through my pride, my thinking that I should be able to take care of myself, my thinking that I was just weak. Not to mention inertia. It was really hard just getting around to calling for an appointment.
Depression is really common. I knew for a fact that no one had ever felt the way I did. But it turns out that a lot of people “get” it.
Just a side note: When you make that step to see someone, don’t hesitate to change if you don’t feel comfortable with the person you are speaking with. Any decent therapist understands the need to find the right fit. I had to change twice before I found a woman that literally saved my life. The others were well-qualified, intelligent people that I actually liked, but I couldn’t talk about the things that really upset me.
