Dealing with Parents

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

For as long as I can remember, going back to when I was a little kid, my parents have had a very up and down relationship. Things would be fine for a while and then they would have a fight and basically stop speaking to each other for months at a time. I lived in constant fear my mom was going to leave and never come back when I was a kid. I am sure this situation was partly responsible for the intense anxiety I had as a child and still deal with today.

For the past 8 years or so, my parents have lived as roommates. They do nothing socially together and are rarely in the same room together, but as a family we get together and it’s ok for the most part. My sister lives nearby and she has three small children. The kids are often at my parents house, which forces my parents to communicate and work together to care for the kids. Well it appears my sister and her family are moving and my mom is taking it very hard. Part of it is my sister and her family are a big part of her life and she has little else going on. I think she also realizes that the situation with my dad will go from bad to worse without the kids to act as a buffer.

The situation negatively affects me because I often feel caught in the middle of their relationship. My moods tend to depend on how things are with them, particularly my mom. I worry about her the most because she is basically depressed and has been her whole life.

Does anyone else have to deal with parents who should have divorced decades ago? I try to just ignore their crap and live my own life, but its get me so down to see how miserable they are when they should be enjoying this time of their lives. It’s too late for any change now. My mom is 72 and my dad is 69. They aren’t going to get divorced as their lives are too intertwined financially.

2

My parents never divorced, and given their relationship they should have divorced at least when I was a small child. Though I never feared my mom would leave – she was too terrified by the idea of living alone with small children. She should have left, and I encouraged her to. As an adult, I learned that one of my sisters was encouraging her to do the same.

I wish I had useful advice. I don’t It was miserable. I’m in my 50s and I still don’t feel I’ve entirely recovered from it.

3

Thanks for replying. I don’t think there is any real advice to give, you know? Things are just particularly bad right now and I guess I need to whine for a bit. I hate the idea of blaming my parents for problems I have now, but I can’t deny their relationship hasn’t impacted my life in pretty massive ways.