Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My mother has a terminal illness with only weeks to live. I have just learned from one of my relatives that Mom placed a baby for adoption when my siblings and I were very young.I would love to find this stepbrother or sister. I feel an urgent need to locate him or her before Mother dies,
so that they are able to meet. Mom has periods of confusion but is lucid some of the time. Family members are divided about whether or not this would be good for her.
You opinion, please – ASAP. – ANXIOUS DAUGHTER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR ANXIOUS DAUGHTER:
Let go of this fantasy. The time for a reunion was when
your mother was healthy and had expressed her desire to be reunited with her child. She is in no condition now for such a dramatic event. For further confirmation, discuss this with her doctor.

My question is Do people really think its a “fantasy” to reunite with their birthchildren?!?! Mothers are torn by their decision and usually pray that they one day meet. Dear Abby should not quit her night job!

The fantasy is not the mother’s, it’s the daughter’s.

Hmmm, I’d be talking to the doc. Abby might have asked a doc about this herself?

I think it would be hard on the kid that was adopted, what if that now adult child didn’t know he/she was adopted? They’d get two shocks…shocking news and a death of the birth mother.

I’d look for the sibling after the mother passed if I was still interested.
What was the reason the child was put up for adoption? There may be difficult issues there.

I don’t think she meant that a reunion between a birth mother and adopted child who are both lucid and willing to meet is a fantasy. Rather, the daughter in question seems to have some notion that during one of the lucid spells, the mother and adopted child will have a touching, happy reunion, and the mother can die at peace. Given the fact that woman is a)terminally ill, b) going downhill fast, and c)has never expressed an interest in finding said child such a notion is indeed a fantasy.

If the mother were in better shape, or had told her other kids about their sibling and expressed a desire to find this person, I’d say go for it. In this case, though, I think Abbby’s spot-on.