elmwood the adoptee is thinking "oh ... my ... God"

Yesterday, I got an e-mail message from a volunteer for one of the online adoptee registries.

My entry on one registry matched that of a birth mother looking for her kid on another; birth name, DOB, location, everything else. I started looking for my birth mother a few months ago, after being encouraged by my parents. Apparently, she’s been looking for me for years.

Now what?

Well, follow up with them. It’s what you want, isn’t it?

Elmwood, I can understand your apprehension as somethign actually HAPPENED. I’d take the luxury of stopping for a few minutes and thinking about things for a couple of days. Don’t rush it. It’s an important thing that you need to digest thoroughly and not feel rushed and out of control.

Speaking as a birthmother AND a reunited adoptee, my advice would be to go for it, slowly. As capybara said, don’t get too rushed. Let things sink in a bit. Decide if contact with your birthmother is really, really what you want. Talk to your parents, especially. You say they encourged you to look for her, but is it what you wanted?

Meeting one’s biological family usually works out just fine. Sometimes it doesn’t, but most times, it’s not a bad thing.

As I said, I’m a birthmother and a reunited adoptee. Feel free to email me at any time, if you’d like to talk, vent, share, or anything like that.

Best of luck to you!

Hey elmwood that’s great news! And scary. I’ll second/third what’s been said about going slowly.

I’m a searching adoptee myself, and one of the most helpful things for me was finding a local search/support group. Nothing fancy or structured, just a group of people who’ve been there and understand. If you can find that near you, it might be worth checking out.

Good luck! I’d love to hear how it goes.

Sorry I haven’t been here too much lately. I’ve been corresponding with my birth mother. :slight_smile:

Too much to tell, but the big shocker … I expected that I’d have a half-brother or sister or two out there somewhere. Nope. Two brothers, one sister, all full. I went from being an only child to the older brother of four siblings like that. (elmwood snaps fingers). My sibs don’t know about my existence, but my birth mother plans on telling them soon.

In the meantime, I’m taking Persephone’s advice. Yes, this is what I want, but I don’t think any adoptee ever is mentally prepared for the rush of emotions that comes with “meeting your maker.” I can’t let it overwhelm me, because I still have to lead something resembling a normal life in the meantime.

I haven’t planned a reunion yet … in due time …

Elmwood, I’m curious (people who know me would say that’s an understatement, but that’s not important right now) - how do you feel about your birth mother, after meeting her? Did you feel any of that mystical family connection, or was she basically just another lady? I’m asking because I lost a sister when she was four years old, before we really even got to know her, but her death caused a hole in my life that can only be explained by mystical family connection, and I’m curious if it exists for people that have never met before.

Oh, congratulations on the instant-family, by the way. :slight_smile:

Haven’t met her yet … we’re basically swapping e-mails now.

The rush of emotions I’m feeling, though … it is like a void that’s being felt. My adoptive parents offered unconditional love and support through my life, and I did bond with them in a way that I assume children bond with their birth parents if they were raised by them. Same thing with the grandparents. However, I didn’t feel that close to the rest of the family. No, I wasn’t shunned – I was embraced, just like anyone born into the fold. I just felt … different, out-of-place at family gatherings. I was the eclectic, brainy kid among … well, I love 'em, but they’re perfectly normal. I look different and act different. I just had the hardest time bonding with aunts, uncles, cousins and the like, and even now I have a difficult time associating the names with the faces of my cousins.

Void that’s being felt = void that’s being filled. Sorry.

elmwood , I’m totally interested in knowing how this turns out. Please keep us updated…

I’ve thought very seriously about adopting a child and have friends that have, so I’m interested in how adopted children feel as adults.

I wish you the best of luck.