Dear Basement Dweller,

Dear Basement Dweller,

I know when I bought this house, you came with it for a while. And I know that, since you’re family, I should go a bit nice on you.

Did I bitch when you left for the weekend, assuming I would watch your dog? No. Your dog is your responsibility. But I can’t leave the poor thing kenneled from Friday - Sunday, so I’ve been doing the poop n scoop run, much as I dislike it. I haven’t had to feed him much, as he eats the cat food every chance he gets. BTW, you owe me a bag of Iams Senior Hairball Control.

Did I bitch when you ate the leftovers, which I had been planning on taking to work the next day for lunch? No, I did not. I just made myself a sammich and moved on. There IS the fact that you earn as much as I do, yet only have your truck payment to shell out. Here I am, paying the mortgage, feeding myself and LilMiss, paying the bills, &c… buying a load of groceries wouldn’t hurt you…especially if you’re going to eat everything in sight. No, treating LilMiss to McD’s for dinner does not repay the two boxes of cereal, the pizzas, the leftovers, and… oh… you know you CAN reuse glasses, right? THREE used glasses makes no sense when you’ve been home only an hour.

Did I screech at you when you tromped over my freshly washed floor in your nasty work boots? No, I asked you kindly to remove your boots and wipe up the mess. And you’re welcome for my cleaning the basement. I suppose the throwing up I did while cleaning through this pit could be called a diet.

But… child… there’s going to be hell to pay when you get home tomorrow.

Your dear puppy pissed on the rug. While it makes me mad, I decided to suck it up and just wash it. I go into the laundry room… open the washer… and found your clothes you put to wash on Wednesday! How nasty! The smell is enough where, while I would like to just toss it on your bed, I can’t! So I have to re-wash YOUR nasty moldy draws AND the rug your dog pissed on.

And having me in the house is an inconvenience? Bite me.

Yes, dear. Isn’t ever so terribly inconvenient when the hired help gets up on its hind legs?

Now, get back down on all fours like a good girl and bite the shit out of this lazy mooching ingrate like he so richly deserves…

Basement dweller in the House as a metaphor for evolution, literally, or both?


Who is this cretin?

I get the impression it’s a relative, perhaps a slack-assed brother who had to move in “temporarily” or something. Sounds like time to put a booted foot up his ass.

I’m guessing it’s her (now adult) child.

No. It says that he came with the house for awhile. What an odd perk.

Perhaps he was renting from the previous owners?

He’s my nephew.
Long story short- I bought my sisters house pending her buying a new house. Her house deal fell through at the last minute. I had to get out of my house, as the new owner wanted in (of course). She ended up moving in with her fiance, who did not have enough room for nephew also. So I have him until sis and fiance find a new house.

I did have a great chat with his girlfriend yesterday. I’ve learned if I want anything done I need to talk to her and she will get him to do whatever. When I got home last night, he was hauling in groceries. Of course, some of us prefer NOT to eat Lunchables and PizzaRolls everyday, but it’s a start.

We “discussed” the laundry thing. He didn’t see the problem leaving wet clothes in the washer… he even said he figured I would be doing laundry and would take care of it. I stated that next time I open the washer and find his funky clothes in there, they will be on the floor-- probably in the area where his dog likes to defecate. He thought I was being harsh. Sucks to be him.

How can you not like Pizza Rolls?! (Psst… try em on the Foreman Grill!)