He hasn’t even logged in since he last posted three days ago.
I’m going to theorize she came home with a plausible explanation for the prior charge (because remember, the only information Rik has about that is from a random lackey at the prison), and a lot of tears and begging for her current screwup, and he took her back.
Well, that plus the 4 IDs in 4 different names in her wallet, plus one of Rik’s old IDs as well. But I’m sure there was a logical explanation for all that.
I have three IDs with three different names (one pre-marriage, one post marriage and post first name change, and one post marriage). I could come up with all kinds of reasons why I have them, all of which are boring. Someone who allegedly has a history of fraud could certainly come up with something believable.
Astro, I agree with you about the large number of functioning alcoholics out there,my Father is such a person. He drinks like a fish and has had a myriad of social, physical, and some legal issues as a result of his drinking problems but he has always maintained a steady work ethic and makes quite good money in the six figure range. So despite the fact that his alcoholism has caused him so many problems in his life, the fact that he has been successful financially and career-wise he has refused to admit that he is an alcoholic or that it has caused him problems in the other aspects of his life.
My husband’s uncle was a functioning alcoholic, too. He was retired when I met him, but I bet he didn’t drink on the job. He didn’t drink when we visited, except once when he was really pissed at us for some reason. That time we found him passed out on the couch. I’d never seen someone who passed out from booze, and kind of freaked out and wanted to call 911, but my husband grew up with alcoholics in his family (his mom was a non-functioning alcoholic, but has been sober for decades, since before I met her) and assured me he’d recover.
I’m not sure the alcohol even caused many problems for the uncle. (His bitter, shriveled personality caused him problems, but I suspect that pre-dated the alcohol) He drank to excess for recreation, as best as I can tell. You know, some people knit, some watch soap operas, he drank himself into a stupor.
Hi all, I’m back. I said I wouldn’t abandon this thread, so here I am again. Had to take some time off to deal with “stuff”, so apologies for not coming right back.
Got my wife back after the court in the other county sent her home.
This all seems to have worked as a “wake-up call” for her. She is now attending AA meetings on a regular basis (and I’m making sure she gets there). I’m also not drinking, in support.
I know y’all will mock me, but I’m sticking with her. You know the “joke” about us longtime single guys, how we wonder why such-and-such woman keeps hooking up with assholes? My wife was one of those women. But it seems she was lucid enough at one point to see that I wasn’t one of those assholes, and she reached out, and there I was. Wanna know how she introduces me to her old friends? “He’s one of the good ones.”
There’s still a lot of stuff to work out, but we’ll get there. She has past stuff that she needs to deal with, and she’s dealing with some of it right now (i.e., she’s in jail now, doing 30-odd days in another county for the identity theft thing), and the important thing is what I told her: I’ll be right here for her when she gets out. Nobody’s done that for her before. Everybody’s just written her off.
On the bright side, back when she first got hauled off to the other county … it was the county where her parents, children, and grandchildren still live. And they consented to see her while she was there. She got to see her family for the first time in a couple of years. When she came home she was so happy, describing how her 10YO granddaughter was almost as tall as she is.
I posted earlier how I was gobsmacked that they were sending her back home after she was hauled back to the other county. Once she was there, they addressed her “failure to appear” and scheduled her to come back to address it. That’s what has just happened. I put her on a train to go back there and have her day in court. And that was an adventure in itself. It’s somewhat embarrassing to confess, but I was not prepared to drive her there. The trip would have required crossing the mountain passes from central Washington to western Washington. I’ve never made that drive, even in good weather (never had any reason to); I doubted my ability to do so in the middle of Winter. So, she booked Amtrak. And then it got fucked up.
Her court date over there was on January 12. So on January 11, we awoke at 4:30AM so that she could catch the Amtrak at 5:45AM. We got to the train station at 5:30. By 6:45, the Amtrak hadn’t arrived, so my wife called Amtrak to find out what was going on. It turned out that the train had been put on hold in Spokane because of the weather, and Amtrak was sending a freaking BUS to our town. We had to come back to the train station at noon to catch that bus at 12:30 (and by that time I was almost asleep again). So the bus took her to Seattle, and from there she caught another Amtrak train to where she needed to be.
Not sure what Amtrak’s problem was. The freight trains were clearly rolling between Spokane and Seattle (we watched three BNSF trains roll through, in both directions, while we waited), but the Amtrak couldn’t do it? And they thought a freaking BUS was a better option? Okay, well, I don’t know the priorities of train companies, so whatever.
So for the time being, it’s just me and the cat here at home. And I wish I could link the Facebook Live video I just made today, 11 minutes of me petting the cat.
My earlier, panicked posts about her ruining my life … bleh. It was panic. Believe it or not, despite all of this shit, this is not the worst my life has ever been. When I first joined this board, I was 37 years old and living in a homeless shelter. And while I was living in that shelter I ended up dating a much younger woman (girl, actually - I was 36 and she was 19) who turned out to suffer from both bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, and who made my life a living nightmare. After that? Drunkass wife? Piece of cake. Hah.
Somebody earlier in this thread called me “childish” for my “refusal” to get a new car after my wife wrecked the one I had. That just tells me that a lot of posters here simply make a hell of a lot more money than I do. Fact: I cannot fucking afford to buy a new car. My career, in which I am very good at what I do, and absolutely love doing it, does not pay a lot. And, to the point in my life before I got married, it was perfectly fine to support myself. w00t! Washington state’s minimum wage just went up to $11/hour! I voted for that! And that means that my own wage, after 33 years in my profession, is now just a bit over $13/hour! Wow, I’m rich? Not. When my baby boomer dad was 50 in 1994, he was pulling down around to $50k/year, in a government job. Best I’ve ever done was $27k. New car? Hah. I’m depending on somebody in my church hooking me up with a free or cheap beater. In the meantime, I have a car to drive. My wonderful sister, a registered nurse with a good salary, married to an electrician with an even better salary, is loaning me a vehicle until/through April. I only have it until then, though. My nephew turns 16 on May 6, and this will be his car, so I need to find myself a new vehicle before then. But at least I don’t have to walk to work in the meantime. Though I will say that the car was loaned to me with the condition that my wife doesn’t drive it, and that if she does try to drive it it will be reported stolen. I confided everything to my sister back when all this shit started, and she really doesn’t like my wife. She’d fit in with y’all. But hey, I’m her brother, and she helps me out because of that. And she doesn’t like my wife because she’s protective of family. Mind you, she’s my younger sister, and is on her third husband. I’m on my first wife, so I’m just starting learning this shit.
Anyway, yeah. I know I can’t “fix” my wife. And, honestly, that’s not my job. I’m a Christian, and yeah, I know how that’s looked at here, but it’s important to me. I don’t value my “self”. (I have an entire theory about the word “Babylon” in scripture: every time you read “Babylon” in the Bible, replace it with the word “self”, and it still makes perfect sense). I am what God means me to be. I’m not here to “fix” my wife. I’m here to just be me, and leave my beloved wife to God.
Once my panic subsided, it occurred to me that my wife had been fighting with the government for three-plus years over her disability claim, and that, in that period, she’s had a couple husbands before me. Her last name has changed a few times, so it makes sense that she kept the old IDs to show those last names.
Good news, no one told you it was childish for you to not get a new car. As that eats one of your most self-righteous paragraphs it won’t make you feel better to have been wrong about it, as being under duress and feeling persecuted is an alcoholic’s favorite way to fob off blame. It’s funny that you think your Christianity is what makes us look at you critically; makes us meanies and you unfairly judged.
Did you check your credit report, Rik?
Who here is suprised, raise your hand?
OK. Let us know how it goes.
[QUOTE=Revelation 17, 3-5]
Then the angel carried me away in the Spirit into a wilderness. There I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was covered with blasphemous names and had seven heads and ten horns. The woman was dressed in purple and scarlet, and was glittering with gold, precious stones and pearls. She held a golden cup in her hand, filled with abominable things and the filth of her adulteries. The name written on her forehead was a mystery:
BABYLON THE GREAT
THE MOTHER OF PROSTITUTES
AND OF THE ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH
[/QUOTE]
Whaddaya know, your theory checks out.
Speaking of Amtrak, this thread is like a train. It comes around every so often, but not always on schedule. And then it wrecks again. But they keep putting it back on the tracks for another go around.
"We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart. " 2 Corinthians 5-12
You’re hiding behind your faith as a way to say “neener neener, I was right and you mean ol’ doubters were wrong all along! I win!” and as a way to make yourself look like a noble, tragic hero instead of a patsy.
I really do hope that your wife reforms and gets her life straightened out. But it wouldn’t be the first time an addict and a criminal has put on a show of good behaivior for a while in order to allay suspicion. Even if she wants to straighten out, how is she going to manage back in the real world outside of a structured environment like prison, when she has to get to her own AA meetings and counselling sessions and there are ads for alcohol all over TV and magazines and the stuff is sitting right there in every store in town?
When she goes on about how you’re such a good guy and no one’s ever stuck by her before, does she mean it or is she just trying to make it so you’ll feel like even worse shit if you even think of leaving her again?
Just to be clear, “I’m not drinking, in support”, does that mean you’ve quit drinking entirely? Or just around your wife? Just not bringing it into the house? Why aren’t you attending AA meetings with her?
Also, “She’s attending AA meetings.”, does this mean she’s quitting? Or just agreed to go to meetings?
What you have avoided saying, speaks a lot louder than what you did say, in my opinion.
Care to clarify?
Did you ask her? I’d love to know the reason she came up with, and not the one you helpfully provided for her. Did you ask her why she had your ID and social security card, or did you helpfully provide excuses for that as well?
I’m glad she’s going to AA and I’m glad you’re doing your best to be supportive. You may want to consider going to Al-anon so you can learn to meet your own needs while living with an alcoholic and keep from enabling her.
Sometimes people do get sick and tired of being sick and tired and make meaningful change. I finally did.
I really, really hope things work out for both of you, Rik. I don’t blame you for not wanting to drive over the pass. It can be so nasty this time of year.
The very best of luck!
You’re not a good guy – you’re an enabler. As long as she can rely on you to keep taking her back, I don’t think she’s going to be willing to change.
He needs to go to AA himself, as he’s an admitted alcoholic.
She has no reason to change. She’s lost her freedom but only briefly and clearly she doesn’t mind it much; she likes everything she’s getting except caught.
Rik, you’ve set yourself up for the worst of both worlds here - you’re finally married but still painfully lonely. If you think this is getting you karma points or thumbs up from Jesus when you get to heaven then you’re wasting every minute of your life.