Dear Neighbor, PLEASE PARK IN REAR. Thank you (or, Welcome to Yuppietown, USA)

The BBQ Pit
41

Well, out where I live that’s not a problem. They park them in the back and let the grass grow up around them. However, when there’s a grass fire they find their car and decide to try to fix it again :smiley: Of course I live out in the middle of no where, so people can’t park on the street. The only legal recourse I have is if people start selling parts from their cars, I can get them fined for not having a license to run a junk yard.

Incidentally, I had a truck that would have been perfect for you, bullet hole in the door and all. Sold it for $300 after it didn’t pass inspection.

42

Slacker,

I feel yer pain. I put out some plastic, pink flamingos on my lawn and was kindly informed by my HOA (I affectionately call them “HOs”) that “the ornamentation was not in good order or proper for the community”.

I responded by doubling the amount of tacky ornamentation and replacing my sedate black metal mailbox with a garish blue dolphin mailbox, complete with moving flukes and inappropriately non-regulation dorsal fin with our family name in neon orange.

Fuck their red brick mailboxes and regulation flower boxes. This isn’t Russia right? Oh yeah…they can do this in Russia now. Well…this ain’t (fill in name of current oppressive regime) right?

Pink flamingos rule

43

Sir, you have fine taste in kitsch. Tell me, you got any good Christmas ornaments?

44

Asked Gary:

Please, please, please, Bluepony, tell me that your Christmas ornaments are still out from last year…

If they are, I’ll lobby Congress to have you declared God.

45

Update

Mrs S. called the HOA just for kicks, and they said something to the effect of “It’s a public street, of course you can park there.”

Next step: REVENGE!

I really like the idea of finding out who did it, adding their name and address to the note, and placing a copy of it on every car in the neighborhood (it’s a big 'hood btw).

Oh, and one more update, our “neighbors” two doors away are selling their home - Mrs. S thinks that they’re responsible. I say if someone won’t buy the house because a car is parked on the street 60 feet awat, I don’t want them in the neighborhood anyway. :slight_smile:

46

Wanna borrow a couple’a flamingos? :smiley:

47

O.C. and Stiggs might reprimand you for failure to have a proper plastic lawn burro.

Oh, man. I used to know of this neat little roadside place off Rte. 11 in Virginia that sold all sorts of great, tacky lawn ornamentation outside, and sold velvet Elvises, blacklight posters and even more great stuff inside.

48

I agree that people who park in front of other’s houses because they don’t want to clutter the street in front of their own houses are totally obnoxious.

That recently happened to my mother-in-law, and she retaliated by parking her own car right in front of the other guy’s house. They quickly got the message and stopped. (Yes, I have the coolest mother-in-law.)

Life in the 'burbs can be pretty tough – a friend of mine once got a death threat when he didn’t mow his lawn for a month.

49

  1. Get the largest, tackiest lawn ornament you can find

  2. Buy a case or three of pink flamingos

  3. Arrenge things so that the flamingos appear to be worshipping the large ornament as an idol

If you really want to get nasty, leave offerings.:slight_smile:

50

Oh, if this really is the case, you want to get an air compressor, an air chisel and a 55 gallon drum (FYI, an air chisel works and sounds like a small jackhammer.) Whenever you see two cars pull up to that house, go out into the garage, crack the door slightly and start cutting the drum to bits with the chisel. Hey, it worked for some friends who were in a similar situation…

51

I feel your pain.

I used to visit a girlfriend who had an apartment in Glen Cove on Long Island, and the landlord let her park her car in the driveway but did not offer the same courtesy to me.

The little “circle” she lived on was desiganted a private drive and I was quickly informed that I could not park there either, as parking against the curb was against the rules. So I parked in back, on what was a public through street, in the normal fashion.

Next morning, on windshield: “The Blah Blah Neighborhood Association would appreciate it if you would not park here”. Also on windshield: ticket for parking too far from curb, ticket for no inspection sticker, ticket for parking within 50 yards of an intersection, ticket for no vehicle registration.

I go to library and look up the relevant municipal codes and get a tape measure and take some polaroids, then go to court and get all four traffic tickets dismissed (I had inspection sticker and registration sticker in my window, btw, visible through the windshield, but not yet affixed to the glass because the glass was oily and I hadn’t had time to clean it yet).

I also verify that it is legal to parallel park on the road where I had parked. I return and park again and a police car rounds the corner and a police officer sticks his head out and says “You know folks don’t want you parking there. Didn’t you get a sense of that when you saw all those tickets?”

“Sir, it appears that I have a legal right to park here, at least that’s my understanding. Correct me if I’m wrong. And I need to park in this general vicinity, and this is the only obviously available place to park.”

“Well, you can park there if you want to, I’m just telling you that the folks who live here don’t like it”.

Yeah, tough.

I write up a brief memo to the Blah Blah Neighborhood Association explaining that I need to park there, can do so legally, and will continue to do so, and that I’d appreciate it if they would refrain from placing anything on my windshield or encouraging the police to take action against me when I’m not violating any ordinances or laws. Got their names from the mailboxes and listed them all at the top. Added a “cc” line and listed an attorney’s firm in a larger nearby town. Signed it, xeroxed it, and placed it on every windshield of every car on the block.

No more problems.

52

It’s times like these that I love living in West Virginia. Believe it or not, I do live in a neighbourhood with a HOA (well, sort of a HOA). There are twelve, simply worded, one sentence “rules” in the bylaws. Three of these laws are as follows:

You must have indoor plumbing.

You are not allowed to have an outhouse.

And please, for the love of God, have an indoor toilet.
sigh I love living here. If someone left a note like that on my windsheild, my neighbors would have ratted him out. They might even help me hide the body afterwards.

53

my friend had a problem with his neighbor complaining to the HOA for every little thing (his sprinkler was in the yard, he weatherproofed his fence when the rules clearly said NO PAINT (rolls eyes…it’s CLEAR!!)

Neighborhood nazis, we called them.

after looking in the “rule” book, we found out that all the rules applied to the outside of the house (other than the mandatory white curtain liner).

so, he found all sorts of goodies to place in his windows (pink flamingos, etc).

she conceeded. the stuff came down.

we laughed and said that had she continued, he could have bought a neon sign that flashed :hot sex.

she would have loved that, I’m sure!

54

It’s not a very good form of democracy if it you have no Bill of Rights as against the HOA itself. If it was Congress telling you what colour to paint your house, you could go to court and tell Congress to get stuffed.

55

It’s not a very good form of democracy if it you have no Bill of Rights as against the HOA itself. If it was Congress telling you what colour to paint your house, you could go to court and tell Congress to get stuffed.

56

I met one of my neighbors yesterday - the mom in a family that lives next door to us. I guess she noticed that both my car and my brother’s car (who happened to be visiting) were out front, because she came by to ask me if I had found any notes on my car recently. She opened her hands to reveal a freaking stack of the identical messages: Dear Neighbor PLEASE PARK IN REAR. Thank you.

She had found at least five of them so far (her family is new to the neighborhood too) and like me, was wondering what the hell was going on. I told her that I had checked and it was indeed quite legal for us to park there.

She has a brand new Expedition by the way, so chuck the theory that the neighborhood nazi didn’t like my dented fender. So the search continues.

And as for my car? It remains out front :).

57

I thought Yuppies were Young URBAN Professionals. This sounds like it’s all taking place in the suburbs. Please, get your terms right!

Sincerely,
SaxFace the Yuppie

58

You are a most dangerous fellow. Are you pre-law?

Slacker, maybe some neighborhood kids are having a few laughs? I say, leave notes of your own on the windsheild in responce, using civil language to express uncivilized thoughts. Keep all cars out front, and place interesting items in the back seat - nothing illegal, but enough to make people think twice.

59

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It’s not a very good form of democracy if it you have no Bill of Rights as against the HOA itself. If it was Congress telling you what colour to paint your house, you could go to court and tell Congress to get stuffed. **
[/QUOTE]

It’s not a governmental organization or a country unto itself, and therefore has no explicit “Bill of Rights”. Just assume that the USA’s Bill of Rights still apply. You can take it up in a civil court if you believe they are not living up to their obligation under the HOA contract.

The HOA doesn’t tell people specifically what color to paint their house. You enter into a contract with all the neighbors in your HOA agreeing that you will abide by certain limitations on your “freedoms” for the greater good of the neighborhood. For example, if I make a deal with you that you will wear a certain color shirt on Friday, and Friday rolls around, don’t tell me I’m dictating to you what color shirt you wear. I’m merely enforcing our deal. Your own damn fault for making the contract. Tough crap, I say.

You have a vote on all issues, but since the exterior of your house is part of a bigger whole (i.e. the total neighborhood) you don’t get the final word on any issue, including ones that involve your house. I doubt any HOA would tell you not to paint our interior walls purple. Knock yourself out.