Damn…gotta say…after reading this thread, I could really use the { { { SICK …T-H-R-I-L-L } } } of shootin up with a pot doobie of the mary-jane for gettin those KICKS that just keep getting harder to find.
I think I’ll try to serpentinely in-sin-u-ate my way, post-like, insidiously, further and further into declan’s world…using my Mephistophelian wiles to corrupt, to in-cre-men-tal-ly influence her into an eventual path of tongue-hanging-out, blindly groping depravity.
Declanium, would you be willing to show your sons this, and your original thread? I’d like them to know we care about them.
Declanium, it probably won’t do any good but …
My husband was a pot smoking, coke sniffing, near alcoholic wild-child as a teen. Typical stuff for the area he grew up in. But his parents were supportive of him always, loved him unconditionally, and taught him self-worth. Today at 60+ he’s a physician and hasn’t had a smoke, a drink, or a snort since about 1986. He’s a good and productive person despite his wild youth.
Back off your kids a little, let them be their own people. After all, rebellion against parental rules and judgment is half the thrill of the stuff …
It’s fucking obvious it’s a troll and probably SaucyWayneDitka, but ultimately who care who it is? A troll is a troll.
Mom needs serious, practical advice in dealing with her marijuana-addicted sons, not namby-pamby advice like seeking family psychological therapy. As I recall, >90% of family therapists are themselves marijuana-addicts. If you want to put out a fire, you don’t hire an arsonist, if you catch my drift.
The first thing Mom needs to do is kick that worthless, bum-of-a-husband to the curb and fight tooth and nail for sole custody of her children in divorce court. This should be an easy task. She just needs to haul her boys into court, point at them forcibly and exclaim, “your honor, look at these sorry-assed marijuana-addicted kids!” Then point dramatically at Dad and sob,* “he’s responsible for their defective DNA!”* The judge will side with Mom (unless he’s a marijuana-addict) and she will be awarded sole custody. Post-divorce she could surely win a sizable settlement in small-claims court for fraudulent pre-marital representation.
It’s quite obvious that Dad not only has defective DNA (no control skills whatsoever), but he is also a deviant closet marijuana-addict.
Indeed, Mom should have seen the signs of marijuana-addiction before marrying the barbarian. Did he regularly use words like “awesome”, “duuude!” and “hot-diggidy”? Did he eat lots of Little Debbie Devil Squares®? Did he have bushy sideburns? These are all classic signs of serious marijuana addition.
After Dad packs his bags and gets police escorted out of the house, Mom needs to stick to her sons like white-on-rice. Home schooling, outer dead-locks on the doors, Taser discipline…the whole nine yards. Of course the boys will never amount to anything with that defective DNA infecting every cell in their bodies, but teaching them to cope with future prison incarceration is an achievable goal.
…or, she could just take a Valium and chill. Teenage weed experimentation is no big deal.
As are many of us here.
Well bless your heart.
You know what, I’m just going to call my ex Jeremy from now on because that’s his name. My son is Jerry (Jeremy Jr.) and my daughter is Allison. I’m Brigid. You’re a talking hemmorhoid. Now that we’re all introduced:
He and some of his buddies decided it would be fun to cut class, something else he got in trouble for, and cruise around for a day. One of them was always bragging on his parent’s money so Jerry wanted to show him he wasn’t the only big spender.
If you’ve ever seen 5 teenage boys eat you know they can clear out a Burger King or a Wawa faster than light. Especially when one of their buddies is paying and they’ve got all day so they need breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.
Electronics are expensive. Like a Playstation was a couple hundred bucks and the games were maybe $60 apiece. Throw in an iPod and the junk that goes with it and yhou can spend over thousand easy in one trip.
Clothes are expensive especially when you’re into jeans that cost up to $100 a piece.
Jerry did have a part time job and he would occasionally show up with a new gadget or clothes that he bought with his own money.
I was at work because where the fuck else would I be on a weekday?
When Jeremy and I were married we split up the expenses. Halfsies on rent and utilities and he paid the credit cards because he made more money and used them a lot more than I did.He is/was way more anal about money than I am, so sue me. Just don’t expect your restitution on time.
Jerry actually hid most of the stuff he bought because he thought he could sneak back and return it later but couldn’t because he didn’t have the card and didn’t get a chance to take it again. He thought stealing the bill would buy him another month of time to do so. He was flailing and didn’t know what else to do and was afraid to tell us.
We made him return everything he could, and the stuff he couldn’t (and ovbiously the food) he had to pay back out of his paycheck from his job.
Lastly, Jeremy and I got divorced because we were more like friends shacking up and after the kids were grown we wanted to do very different things. It was a very friendly and easy process and we are still good friends to this day.
I’d much much rather be Jeremy’s ex than a menstrual clot- you ladies will know what I’m talking about, it sort of slithers halfway out and sticks there, and you just know that no matter how fast you pull your undies down it’s going to fall out and make a horrible mess all over the place- or worse, you.
The accusations of being a troll are getting old.
I’m not a troll. I was actually looking for some guidance as to how to get thru this. Or to see if any other parent has been thru this. To get skewered for not wanting your freshman in high school to be on drugs is astounding to me.
And laugh all you want. I know we had a good relationship prior to this incident. When they were caught, they could tell I was disappointed and hurt. And said that it has nothing to do with me or my mothering skills. They said it was curiosity. None of us will know for sure. But back off on calling my family boring or traditional or smothering. I know what it was prior to Christmas.
Right now I move thru the days.
Maybe my boys are oblivious to my inner feelings.
We’re doing therapy. They have said they will stop.
My younger son does not have access to his money right now, as per our LcSW so hopefully that will discourage the purchase and use.
We still do what we’ve done - spending time watching Super Bowl, soccer tournaments etc.
and still say “love you” each time we leave the house or say good night.
I sought out this board because I feel like I’m moving thru but I’m not getting over this.
I’m very black and white, as a poster noted.
It’s either no drugs or drugs are your life.
And the fact that they may be grappling with a substance abuse disorder is my constant thought process.
One of the most rational posts you’ve made thus far. What you’re going through is normal for the situation. You just need to stop making foolish declarative statements like ‘I’m done with my kids and leaving my family over this terrible thing they’ve done!’
Stay grounded. Don’t overreact. They didn’t do anything TO YOU. This is all part of them growing up and exploring things that have nothing to do with you or your fragile ego as a parent. Keep the lines of communications open. You don’t have to approve of their experimenting with pot or enable them to continue to do it. But you can’t be their prison warden or talk as if you’re about to kick them to the curb for disappointing you due to one of YOUR major hangups about drugs. They are not the only ones that need to grow up with respect to this issue. Meet them half way. It’s one of your most important duties as a parent. To show personal growth and evolution. As they grow and evolve into functioning adults you have to show the capacity to accept and deal with the fact that your relationship with them will change.
Try to understand this is not a black or white issue for most. There are extreme cases for sure where it is. But learn from these people telling their experiences. For the vast majority it’s not a problem at all. I’ve smoked and eaten pot over the years some. It’s never led to anything worse. I work, have a home, a normal life. Drinking is actually way worse and causes much more problems. I get that you can’t let yourself believe that. But why not try to open your mind and learn about it?
That said, I get why you are worried about your son. That’s normal. But don’t write him off! That would make things way worse for him.
This isn’t what you are getting skewered for. You are getting skewered for what appears to be putting incredibly strict limits on your love for your children–something that is supposed to be an unconditional.
Again, this isn’t the part that people are reacting to. It’s not that you are black and white about drugs, it’s that you are black and white about LOVE. Either your children live up to your standards and you will love them, or they deviate and you are ready to cut them off.
Would you give your kids a kidney, to save their lives? I assume you would. If you would do that, why can’t you give them this? Why can’t you love them even if they do things you disagree with?
I think people are reacting so strongly because the idea of our mother being willing to Stop Loving Us cuts so deeply. They put themselves in your kids’ shoes, they imagine having their mother write them off over something that seems relatively trivial, and it’s like a vicarious crisis. If I met someone and they said “My mom wrote me off at 14 because I was smoking dope, and she decided that meant I was unlikely to amount to much, so she stopped loving me, to avoid disappointment later”, I would cry sympathetic tears for them.
Finally, I really think you should show your therapist these threads. You are so, so depressed. You are twisting even the therapists words, using what she says as proof that she knows deep inside your youngest is worthless and that your best bet is to distance yourself now. I am SURE that’s not what she’s saying. You are so depressed you are twisting any advice to meet this absolute doomsday scenario.
That’s the feeling I get too. The Devil’s Lettuce is not to be trifled with. Next thing you know, those two rascals will be accidentally killing folks, trying to rape, all the while descending into reefer induced madness. Get the straight jackets out.
if you read Wolfpup’s post #176, you’d learn a lot.
our federal government spent decades deliberately telling lies about cannabis; you *can’t *know the truth unless you actively seek it out.
About as extreme as you declaring you’re “done with them,” and going on about how they are now hopeless addicts with no chance at a decent future.
Fucking diva.
Welp, sorry to say that isn’t reality. That’s why people are calling you deluded.
You don’t have to like drug to still love your sons when they make mistakes.
Re: Wolfpups #176 is what my kids were reading when they decided that weed is not even a drug (their words)
I disagree. It is a drug. And dangerous for adolescent brains
And other people end up addicted to alcohol, living in basements and pissing away what little money they have, jobless. Yet you think alcohol is less a problem than weed.
Sure, it’s POSSIBLE maybe they go on to be addicted to harder drugs. Unlikely, but you’re the type to freak out over nothing, so that’s what you seem to want to hear. It’s far *more *likely, however, that they’ll go on to be perfectly productive members of society. Your lack of love for them will be what affects them far, far more than weed OR alcohol ever could. They need support - not a sad façade of a mother looking to abandon them at the first hint of imperfection.
I’ve been following along and want to clarify this in the troll’s own initial telling. The kid spent almost $1000 in ten months, NOT specifically on weed. She assumes it’s all on weed. That’s really only $100 a month spending cash for a teen. If that includes fast food, gas, movies, dumb shit, etc, it is really not that much. Add maybe he bought a video game or larger purchase sprinkled in, there is no reason to think it was $1000 on weed. Stop perpetuating that piece of her troll victimhood.
So far, the attitude you’ve displayed is making it more likely your sons will damage themselves with drugs (or other methods). You seem far more interested in being right and being angry than actually trying to help your sons, at least by your posts. Compassion and unconditional love are the right answers here. It doesn’t mean you have to accept drug use, but pushing your sons away will just make it more likely that they ruin their lives.
He admitted to spending the $1000 on weed.
I’m sure if it included food he would have said so, because it would be less damning.