No
I’ve never done drugs
I average a glass of wine every month
Coffee once in a while
Healthy diet
No addiction issues
Were your parents addicts? Family members? Somewhere you got these extreme notions about drugs.
I mean the addiction history you alluded to in your family.
No addiction in my family
But my husband’s brother is an alcoholic
As is his other brother’s son
And his other brother’s daughter had a drug problem that led to her losing custody of her child and then ultimately incarceration
Really not sure what you’re expecting her to do, here… How is she supposed to change what YOUR sons are doing? And just because something is possible doesn’t make it probable. It’s possible that, after years of simple social drinking, my next evening out will spark my underlying obsession with alcohol, and I’ll become hopelessly addicted to it, never to recover.
Possible. Won’t happen, but possible.
And, of course, your kids share their genealogy. Is that the basis of your fear?
That sucks for them. Maybe they had a mother who decided it was a good idea to withhold her love from them after they experimented with weed as a kid 
Yes Quicksilver
And to kovitlac they weren’t experimenting
They had a $1000 habit for 10 months
More than “trying it”
My husband’s niece lost custody of her child because while high on weed, she let her toddler walk into a space heater and get severely burned. Then she was caught driving the child around with weed in the car.
Then she went to prison.
Not such a harmless activity
Don’t blame the weed. As you surely must be aware one can be an absolutely terrible fucking parent without smoking weed.
Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that they spent a hundred bucks a month for ten months?
So it turns out that my 17-year-old has actually tried pot a half-dozen times, not twice like i had originally believed.
Let’s see how he rates on Declanium’s other points of normal teenage behavior:
- Talk back: rarely enough that I’m surprised when he does.
- Get bad grades: B+ average. Got into all 6 of the colleges he applied to.
- Break curfew: He doesn’t have a set curfew. It depends on what he has planned for the night, and with the wonderful world of cellphones, he can keep in touch if he’s going to be later than expected. He usually gets home by like 11 or so or stays over wherever he is.
So, Declanium, is my kid normal?
I guess this is the wrong audience.
I see on a Grown and Flown page that if a kid is smoking weed it is given the proper attention. Not a “it’s just a rite of passage.”
Ppl there discuss rehab and yes, more so, natural consequences like prison to deal with it
If a parent just sits back and loves, that’s viewed as enabling
Green Bean
My kids were smoking for 10 months
Not six times
Big difference
Spent all savings on it
Agreed. $1000 is non-trivial and 10 months is more than just trying it at a party. But again, this is well within the normal behavior pattern of teens (14 & 16). They don’t have very good judgement overall, and certainly their finances don’t need to cover things like rent and food because it’s provided for them. So spending money on something they want/like without reflecting if it’s reasonable or even good for them, is a common problem at that age. Not saying it’s excusable. Just not dis-ownable.
Your fears are justifiable. Your (over)reactions are not. They have not done the things you fear they might do. But tell them what you’re most afraid of and why. And not that they might be responsible for hurting their own child years from now. That’s too far in the future for them to be able to relate to that possibility. Tell them what you’re afraid of that they’ll do tomorrow or next weekend if they smoke pot. Talk about those things. Don’t let them think you’ve already charted, plotted and dismissed their lives as losers, drug addicts and criminals. That’s a shitty thing to hear from your mom. Don’t do that. Support them, don’t write them off. That’s still your job.
So wait, is my kid doomed to a lifetime of addiction and failure or not?
No, Green Bean, he’s good imo
I haven’t really smoked pot since college and I’ve never paid for the weed I’ve smoked but I’m curious about the $100/month being spent on weed. It really doesn’t seem like that much to me. From looking at the websites for the dispensaries in Colorado it seems weed is selling for about $200/oz. So these two kids are buying about half an oz per month. That really doesn’t seem like a lot to me. Hell, one of my buddies freshman year of college was a major drug dealer and 20 of us smoked a brick one night and hot boxed a hotel room. That’s at least an oz per person in a night so an eighth for two per weekend seems like nothing.
My husband had a pot habit for most of high school. He then went on to Stanford, and then got his PhD in computer engineering from University of California. He has a successful career in Silicon Valley.
You are massively over-reacting and if you take the scared straight route, you will accomplish nothing more than their derision, or worse.
Talking about your concerns is fine. Believing whole-heartedly that they are completely unworth your time or attention, nor are their future children, says a lot more about your issues than it does about theirs.
Here in TX where it is not legal a .25 oz of good weed goes for about $120. Schwag used to go for about $30 for .25 oz. I don’t even know if schwag is still available. Haven’t seen it in years. So, if her local prices are like ours then $100 a month is less than a quarter a month.