Male: “Yes Dear”= Could you shut up long enough for me to catch SportsCenter!?
These links are funny and they’re all from the same site.
This stuff is funny. Except in real life between partners, where I find it screws you up. Mr cajela and I try hard not to do these things, and call each other on it. Our standard response to “do these pants make me look fat?” is “No, it’s all the beer and pizza that does that!”
I think some of the femme-speak, like, “It’s not you, it’s me” is indeed trying to be polite and kind in a rejection. Is that really wrong? You’d prefer we just said “F*** off”??
Man! You people are bringing back SCARY flashbacks! I’m glad I’m permenantly single! 
Exactly.
(Generic ‘you’ throughout this, by the way. The ‘me’, though, is specific to me, although I don’t think I’m the Lone Ranger in behaving this way.)
If it’s something minor - as in leechbabe’s example of just having a generally crappy day and needing to vent - then a second question, like “No, really, you’re not your usual self, what’s wrong?” will get the answer.
If it’s something deeper - even if it’s got nothing at all to do with you - it might take a few repetitions of the question to get there. Said repetitions are usually best delivered along with a hug and something like “I’m worried about you, you’re not normally like this.”
Saying “Oh, okay” and walking off guarantees you get either fire-breathing dragon or ice queen for a while. Hope for fire-breathing dragon - in my case, at least, that’s usually over much faster, since I can’t sustain it for long. I can do ice queen for days, but fire-breathing dragon usually expires within an hour at the absolute most.
The reason for this isn’t to make you jump through hoops to prove how much you care or anything [sub]well, okay, maybe the first repetition is that[/sub]: rather, it’s because I don’t want to cry on your shoulder unless you really want to hear it. If you ask me a few times, you’re reassuring me that you really want to hear it, and that I won’t be wasting my time pouring out my heart to someone who’s really thinking about football instead of listening. It lets me know you really care about what I’m saying, and you’re not just asking because it’s something boyfriends are supposed to ask.
OK, like the OP said, this is not a female bashing thread. And that IS NOT my intention in this!
If a GUY was in an off mood, and his wife/GF/SO asked him if something was wrong, the guy would, most likely, tell her what was wrong! The first time she asked! Why does it always have to be some fruedian puzzle with women? Why can’t y’all just communicate? Really, I’m not flaming, I just don’t understand women’s motives here.
It’s because women are liars and cheaters and manipulators. Historically, women have never been in positions of power, authority or skill (physically, academically or professionally) and therefore have had to acquire access to these resources – either directly or indirectly – by the use of dishonest means. Evolution has seen to it that the women of today exemplify the vice of dishonesty in a most exemplary manner.
if6was9, not that I can speak for other females, but on my part, it’s not done to be difficult or to be a puzzle. It’s just, I don’t want to offload on someone who doesn’t want to listen. If he asks again, he really does. That’s all.
It’s not just something I say to blokes either - female friends get the same thing too, along with the same possibility of ‘fire-breathing dragon’ or ‘ice queen’ too 
“That was nice.”
Translated: “I am sooo not impressed with that.”
What?
Did I share too much?
Geez Apricot, don’t mince words. Say what you mean.
Remember the “This is not a female-bashing thread” part of the OP?
I go through this all the time! There are two women whith whom I go to lunch. Someone will say, “So, what’s for lunch?”
Me: Joe’s Crab Shack?
Femme #1: Um… I don’t know.
Femme #2: Maybe. It would make a good Payday Lunch.
Me: Chili Pepper? Fatburger? Market Broiler?
F2: Fatburger is too far. Chili Pepper might be good.
F1: No Fatburger. Maybe the teriyaki sticks at Market Broiler.
Me: Garcia’s?
F1: God, no! They let people walk through the kitchen, and they’re in there cutting meat in front of everyone!
F2: God forbid they have meat in the kitchen!
Me (evilly): Bluehair Buffet? (i.e., Hometown Buffet)
F1: Steaming troughs of food! Ack! Ack!
Me: Indian buffet?
F1: :rolleyes:
F2: You like all of that weird food!
Me: Angelo’s?
F1: They had bread in the booths and on the floor!
Now that I’m watching my carbohydrates intake, I’m the one who gets to be picky. See how they like it! 
Trying to take 2 females to lunch???
Masochist!
Today.
F1: What’s for lunch?
Me: Market Broiler? I could go for the meat sticks.
F2: How about Joe’s Crab Shack?
F2: Mmmm… Maybe. I like the pasta.
Later…
F2 to F1: So we’re going to Black Angus?
F2: Yeah, that sounds good.
Me: We’re going to Black Angus? I wasn’t notified!
F2: My floor mats are in, so we’re picking them up at lunch. We’re going to Black Angus, so we didn’t need to ask you.
Male: What are you cooking for dinner?
Female: :dubious:
:: thrown objects breaking against wall ::
I think it’s the difference in the way we’re wired. When a GUY has something wrong, and he says so, he (generally) is looking for a solution, yes? And he’ll get some sort of response that may or may NOT be a solution, but at least it’s usually a step in the right direction. So for a guy, it’s an easy equation:
Something’s wrong = say what it is = problem solved (or at least is being worked on)
When a GAL has something wrong, and she wants to talk about it, it’s not that we want a solution. We want you to LISTEN. That’s it. We want a shoulder / chest to cry on, and we know darn well that if you’re in a hurry or watching Monday Night Football or something, you’re not going to be willing / able to offer the “listen” that we need. It’s not really a mind-game that we’re CONSCIOUSLY playing, but it’s unfair all the same.
The short answer was given above by tavalla: that’s a fast and easy way to determine if you’re acutally willing to invest the time to give us what we need: some “listening” time.
In my experience… okay, when I do it… “I’ll call you” means “Upon reflection, I think you might be psychotic, which I didn’t know when I asked you out this evening, so don’t be surprised if I don’t call you and don’t answer when you call. Either that, or you smell, or that mole above your lip is winking at me”.
“I’ll call you Tuesday” means “I’ll call you on Monday because I really want to get you naked and lathered up in baby oil”, or, very occasionally, “I’m a little buzzed, but I think I could actually date you”.
“You have fantastic/I love your boobs/ass” means the other one could use some work. “I love your body” means “If I didn’t care about you I’d take pictures because my friends will never believe I nailed someone this hot”.
In femmespeak, I’ve come to believe that “What are you thinking?” requires an answer that isn’t “nothing”, and no more. Even “Barney is purple, but everyone knows dinosaurs were green” is acceptable. Women don’t seem to realize that when we’re driving/having sex/eating a steak/doing something with our hands (changing spark plugs and such, not things that you shouldn’t be asking what we’re thinking during, I mean) we really can be thinking of nothing.
Oh… and never ever ever try to refuse to have sex with a woman because she’s drunk and will regret it, because a) she will inevitably disagree, and b) she’ll immediately attempt to give you a really sloppy lapdance and then throw up on your shirt, in my experience.
Hommespeak: “I’m glad I’m permanently single” means “I haven’t gotten any in ages, but if I make it seem deliberate people will think I’m cooler…”
Just kidding, man.
Here’s one I remember from college:
Female: “I still want to be friends.”
Translation: “I still want to get what I want out of this relationship (having you listen to my problems and rescue me in an emergency), but I don’t want to have to go out with you.”