decoding man-speak

How was your day?
I don’t really give a fck, but I want sex later so I’d better appear interested.*

I like that dress on you.
It distracts my eye from your fat ass.

That was the best sex EVER!
After being denied sex for a week, any cracker is a banquet to a starving man. I’ve had better.

Nothing is wrong, I’m fine!
FFS woman, go clean something. Let me brood on my problems myself.


Ha, ha,ha! That’s funny!

Shut up and go away

That dress does **not ** make your ass look fat.
Personally, I blame the burgers and fries.

I love you.
I’ll say anything to get laid.



“I only have eyes for you…”
Just don’t have a hissy-fit if one or the other strays from time to time

“Oh, I’m sorry…Did I leave the toilet seat up again?”
What’s the big fuckin deal, I lift it 99 times out of a hundred…you can’t lower it once?

“In sickness and in health, 'til death do us part”
…Or until my until they lock me away on death row

“Compared to you, she’s a dog…”
…gone hottie!

“Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?”
I should’ve listened when they told me you always lose your shirt in cattle futures

“Oh, I’m coming, I’m coming”
…Cuz going is just too damn expensive

That was the best sex EVER!
*That was the best sex ever, because you’ve denied me sex for a week. But that’s obviously my fault. … *

I like that dress on you.
That dress actually looks good on you, but you’ll never believe it, because it feeds your inferiority complex to think that every man, woman and child hates your arse.

“Honey have you seen…(followed by any article of clothing)”
I’m WAY too lazy to look for it, you do it

“You look great”
Lets have sex

“I’m hungry”
Make me food!

“Come on its getting late, lets go to bed”
Lets have sex

“What do you want for your birthday?”
Your sister rang to remind me. Whats cheap, easy and doesnt involve me?

“Would you like a massage?”
Lets have sex
By no means stereotypical…he may actually have remembered your birthday. Or maybe he’s asking for a massage. :dubious:

Excellent. snerk

Go out with your girlfriends, have a good time.
And bring the hot one home for a threesome

I was just about to call you
But I threw away your number two days ago

On the chnce that these two threads won’t be conjoined at some point, let me give you the woman’s rebuttal to this one:

“Why buy a whole pig when all you want is a sausage?”

I’m a guy and when I say these I mean:

How was your day?

I like that dress on you.

That was the best sex EVER!

Nothing is wrong, I’m fine!

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

I can’t easily articulate my emotions.

Couldn’t have said it better myself… :smiley:

I couldn’t either. And that makes me feel… well…
I don’t want to talk about it.


I am still laughing over the “cattle futures” one.

So if I start a thread bashing women is everybody going to think it’s funny or would it be offensive?.


I thought we were just poking a little fun, not bashing. There is a similar thread about women going, though.

Note: I think men are terrific, but they are fun to make fun of. Just like women!

I just saw the “equal time” thread. I have been having problems lately with the whole “put upon wife” thing.


Ah. Gotcha. Sorry 'bout that.

Decoding man-speak is pretty easy. He means pretty much exactly what he says. And if he’s saying nothing, he’s thinking about either 1) nothing, 2) sex, 3) food, or 4) videogames (if he’s a nerd) or sports (if he’s not).

Or maybe I’m just not all that deep.

Yeah. Uh-huh. nods
Stop talking

Whoops, commercial’s over.
Please stop talking

Let me finish [writing this e-mail | writing this note | reading this article].
For the love of God, would you please stop talking!!!

Wow, you really take care of your appearance!

What the hell are all these beauty products? Microdermabrasion system? Sounds like a bioweapon. Oh God, stretch mark cream! Oh well, at least she’s not putting it round her mouth.

I’d love to buy you a drink/cup of coffee
Since I can’t have sex with you yet, can I at least make you a captive audience while I fantasize about it

You…you faked it?
Pbbbhtt, BFD. I’ve been faking our entire relationship