In light of recent events I’ve decided (and also lost the will) to create new posts here, at least for a while.
Except if it is either - a technical GQ, Or- I really want to discuss it and it’s far from mundane.
When I stop drinking/not drinking one of the drawbacks is being sober at night.
It is at this time that my mind is most active and last night I had a low point of depression. Such a point that I was worrying about things, of which the following are examples…
Losing my job.
Economy. (effecting my job)
Mother and/or father dying.
Not being able to get my life back to normal.
Are my insides a mess.
Will I live long enough to collect my pension.
I think you get the idea. I am hoping last night was just a one-off and it won’t happen often. I can stop it happening by reading a book. But there have been times in the past where it’s been so intense that no matter how hard I concentrate on the book the book is very distant on my mind and the worries very close.
The other disappointing thing is - I actually thought I’d developed a quite useful immunity to worrying about things. I am beginning to think this was just because I was passed out for the period of time where I might worry.
I tend not to worry during the day. Especially while active. Just at night.
Anyone share my predicament?
And please no obvious replies - “Go see a therapist”. Therapy is not as common where I live as it is in the USA (Where most Dopers live).
Are you eating properly? Some people get maudlin when they don’t eat properly. Given that you’ve stopped drinking, I’m wondering if you need to slightly change your diet to compensate.
That’s not a bad suggestion. I know that I feel worse when I’m not eating well. Something needs to replace the sugars of the alcohol. Consider trying a bowl of ice cream (seriously) after supper - I’ve heard a couple of former beer drinkers suggest it. Good luck.
When I stop drinking the diet usually improves a few days to a week later, when I’ve stopped being as hungry.
One other thing I didn’t mention in the OP - I get quite deep into the feeling that “All good things fade. We become resistant to pleasure. For every pleasure there is an equal and opposite result”
In other words “If we find something we enjoy, all we’ll do is do it until we no longer enjoy it. And we have run out of yet another thing to enjoy doing”
I know the above might not strictly be true, but these are the types of things my mind dwells on at night. Last night I was able to comfort myself in the knowledge - “I may be depressed right now, but at least I am doing the right thing”
Doesn’t the extra energy serve to keep me awake for longer? Specially if it’s slow-release energy?
I do have a large glass of milk to co-incide with getting into bed, I usually acompany that with either something sweet (two cookies for example) or something savoury (toast) or a combination (toast with chocolate spread)
Well… eating sweet stuff may lead to a quick sugar high and then a crash. That makes me irritable and at times maudlin, especially if it’s late at night. So, you might want to try eating something that isn’t sweet. You won’t be kept awake longer by slow carbs, on the contrary they’ll be gentler on your blood sugar.
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this tough time. I definitely can identify with getting more depressed at night, and when settling down to sleep. I also tend to get panicky, which can hit in the lull between awake and asleep.
Advice I can mention but never do myself–exercise is supposed to release positive chemicals and get you good and tired for restful sleep. How are your sleeping patterns? Being overtired makes me dwell on the negative as well.
Are the examples you mentioned things that have actually happened, or things you worry about happening?
IMO thinking bad thoughts does contribute to (if not cause) depression - it did for me. Also IMO it is a habit that can be broken.
For me, when I found that merry-go-round of bad thoughts occuring in my head, I would just interrupt with a mantra of some kind. (Mine was “Joy, wealth, happiness”) Over and over.
Then, when I it occurred again, I would repeat that nonsense again. Every time I caught it, I would do this.
It took a while, but eventually I broke the pattern of constantly thinking bad thoughts.
Note that it sometimes recurs. I am going through some tough times and found that I was back to some old patterns Saturday. So I went back to square one and started repeating a nonsense phrase.
I know exactly where you’re coming from - 7 months sober here.
I went through rehab though, and it was drilled into our heads that we HAVE to find something healthy to replace the alcohol. I exercise, clean my house, scrapbook, read, find new music to listen to, cook/bake, talk to my family/friends on the phone, and play with my dogs. I go to bed a bit earlier and lie in bed to read.
Basically, you need to find a few hobbies to keep you occupied.
Also, they really advocated getting enough sun/being outside, and drinking enough water.
ETA: Keeping a journal, though it sounds boring and not useful, was VERY useful to me, especially in the first 2-3 months. Writing stuff down helped me work through it.
Milk and bananas have a chemical (tryptophan) in them that are converted by your body to serotonin (the feel-good neurotransmitter that it targeted in pharmaceutical depression/anxiety treatment). Positive thinking also affects the same areas of your brain as SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors). You can also just chalk it up to a natural low in your daily biorhythm cycle and decide not to worry about it too much - my low is in the morning, just before I get up. I get up, I start moving around and doing stuff, and I feel better almost immediately.
You’re probably not worrying in the day because you’re distracted by other things. At night, it’s just you alone in your head. Learning to teach yourself not to dwell on thoughts is very useful for turning off this type of worrying.
I often have the same problem, and it can help me to remind myself that things always seem worse at night, that I’ll feel better in the morning, that this anxiety/depression is not reasonable, and the best thing I can do is put it aside and sleep. It takes practice, but I’m fairly good at dismissing late night depression and anxiety now. I kind of use a catchphrase to remind myself of this - a quote (paraphrase?) from Gregory Maguire’s book The Dream Stealer: “The morning, my dears, is wiser than the night.” Or just, “You’ll feel better in the morning.”
It also helps to write down a plan of action for anxieties that are keeping me up, even though it’s usually completely over the top and irrelevant by morning.
gigi Fortunately the big items on that list haven’t happened - Loss of biological parents or job. I did lose a step-parent that I was close to just over two years ago. That adds to my depression - not so much because of my loss, but because of my mothers. I feel down for my mother who isn’t the same anymore. Also I’m approaching my 30th Brithday, and my parents are half way through their fifties. It is a real possibility that one of them will go between now and the next 30 years. I don’t know how/if I could cope with that. I’m not the best coper! My step-dad was 53 when he died.
I reckon my insides hold some shocking news for me yet.
EmAnJ. I have thought about re-joining the Gym. I left because I wasn’t using it enough and therefore wasn’t getting my money’s worth. The fact that it is Winter re-enforces joining the Gym as opposed to simply getting outside more.
Khadaji Fortunatelly I’m better prepared for the bad-thought cycle than I used to be. My reportoire of thoughts that are either good, or are designed to defeat the bad ones is more plentifull than it used to be. For example it actually worked quite well for me to tell myself “At least I’m doing the right thing”… the depression being something I just have to put up with.
edit: supergoose, you were typing your post while I was typing mine so I missed yours. I like what you say because I’ve said similar things to myself. I just hope I can remember to do these things on each subsequent bout of this depression.
I hear you. Winter gets me b/c it gets dark so much sooner. Somehow that slows me down and my motivation goes kaput. When I lose that, I mope around instead of getting busy. When I’m not busy, I’m more likely to feel depressed, round and round we go. All I can say is, keep busy. Exercise rocks for this.
As for the bad thoughts, my shrink calls it “catastrophic thinking”, and it’s a toughie. With medication, I’ve gotten to where I can recognize what’s happening and push the thoughts away. Not attach as much significance to them. But they still come back. I’m glad you have something that works for you.
Anyway, we’re here for you. Don’t stop posting; I always enjoy your unique new threads.
This happens to me now and then. I let my mind relax a little and off it goes thinking about death and suffering. I’ve thought about my parents dying so much that I actually have a plan in place in case that ever happens. Maybe it will help you if you try to think of solutions to these problems in case they ever happen.
Nothing is ever 100% fool proof, but you can take steps to have more economic and job security, and to get your life back to normal.
I think it’s alright as long as it goes away in the morning. You know life can’t always be comfortable. If you wake up feeling bad then it’s time to get help.
All day long the Superior Man is creatively active.
At night his mind is still beset with cares.
Danger. No blame.
I Ching, Hexagram 1: The Creative; Nine in the third place
Changes the hexagram to Hexagram 10: Treading (Conduct)
In short, there’s nothing wrong with you. This is normal and nothing to worry about or carry blame over (that ‘no blame’ thing). All day long, you’re busy working on things, busy doing things. It’s at night when you rest that you start looking over what you’ve done, what you still have to do, that you begin to worry about what has happened, what could potentially happen. It helps you see where you’re going and deal with what could come up on the path you’re treading.
The only advice I could give you would be to concentrate on what you can change, what you can deal with. The accidental, the unfortunate, the unexpected, you can’t plan for or spend too much time worrying about except in that you can make plans to have the resources on hand to deal with most such events, if your situation allows.
Night can be bad for me too – usually because I have some free time, and my unoccupied mind likes to start tackling those big, unsolvable problems that I can normally forget during the course of daily activities.
The solution for me is to keep busier in the evenings, and to avoid the temptation to sit and think. It helps to go to bed physically tired too, so you don’t mull over the negative things while you’re trying to fall asleep.
Take care of yourself - eat right and exercise…(I actually don’t find this helps me, but its such common advice that it MUST help someone).
Control what you can control. Since you are employed, try and save enough money to have a cushion - that will make you worry less about your job. Keeping yourself healthy from here on out will help the anxiety about your health.
Recognize that you can’t control everything…most of us will be unlucky enough to see our parents pass. It will hurt…but we get through it. My mantra is “this, too, will pass.” Its very “zen” it that eventually, its going to pass with my own death - but accepting that, I am convinced, is a path to peace.
Do something for those less fortunate than you. It can be something as simple as putting a can of soup in the food shelf collection bin when shopping (if they do that there). When you do it, however, you need to be grateful for what you do have.
Keep a gratitude journal - this is a strange Oprah thing, but it DOES help. Every day write down three things you are grateful for. You may discover its the same things over and over again. It may be things like sunsets, or chocolate, or puppy kisses…
Practice meditation in the “clearing your mind” sense. You can use a mantra if you want. You can add yoga if you want, which is relaxing.
I have discovered that valerian (a herbal supplement) is wonderful at calming me down at night and letting me sleep.
