Take me out to the ballgame
Take me out with the crowd
Buy me some peanuts and Crackerjack
…but remember to bring my epipen because, seriously, I can’t actually have the peanuts because I’m totally allergic.
Tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I’m dead
Glad to, if it will make you stop singing that insipid song.
I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name.
Poor horse, at !east you could have given him a name.
The heat was hot.
Congratulations, Captain Obvious.
Everybody have you heard?
He’s gonna buy me a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird won’t sing
He’s gonna buy me a diamond ring
Anybody know how to give a mockingbird laryngitis?
On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
THINGS, ken ye? Horrible things! Things no mortal man should ever see! Mark my words, laddie, and stay out of the desert!
Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you walk near?
Just like me, they long to be,
In a Hitchcock flick…
After nine days, I let the horse run free
Five days later, I found its buzzard-picked carcass; Oops!
It ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe
An’ these ain’t the droids you’re lookin’ for, babe
Come together, right now,
You"re making a mess on the rug…
Something in the way she moos
Attracts me like no udder lover
Baby, you look happier, you do
I knew one day you’d fall for someone new
But if he breaks your heart like lovers do…
try some counselling to figure out why you keep falling for jerks
The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone,
The hip bone is connected to the trombone,
The trombone is connected to the ham bone…
'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!
Oh wait, the sky’s not solid or even liquid, so I guess I can’t kiss it.
All along the watchtower
I keep throwing them out, but there’s always some jerk who gives me another one.
*All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me *
but make sure they’re properly labelled or we’ll have the same problem getting them all back to their correct owners we had last time.
So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the munchkins of society squeal
You can’t plant me in your witch tower
I’m going back to my meal
Well East coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
And the Southern girls with the way they talk
They knock me out when I’m down there
The Midwest farmer’s daughters really make you feel alright
And the Northern girls with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night.
In one verse, you’ve revealed yourself to judge women by the way they dress, talk, related to men, and have physical contact. And your use of “girls” for grown up women reveals you to be a pedophile or only interested in very young women.
You need help.
Like a drum Baby don’t stop beating.
Oh wait. Drums stop beating all the time. And actually drums are the object and the drummer is actually the one who beats. So never mind, Baby.
Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
I hope a john comes along soon.
The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last-chance power drive
so please allow extra time for your journey.
*I’m going home
And when I want to go home, I’m going mobile
Well I’m gonna find a home on wheels, see how it feels,
*
To act like a square retiree
with a giant RV