The Sand - Beaches rise up and take over the world, the only survivors are Baywatch look-a-likes.
Feast for Cows- Fed up with the wars that are depriving them of grasslands and seeing themselves slaughtered and convinced that the comet in the sky is the prophesied Bull Who Will Mount the World (and by ‘the World’ we mean Bessie) and follow the Sparrows to King’s Landing. It doesn’t go well with the Cows but Hot Pie re-emerges and opens a bread and ground beef eatery called The Golden Arches of the Kneeling Man. Queen Cersei meanwhile remembers through dreams and waking nightmares the horrible fool in Lannisport- Ranald MicDanald- who it was prophesied would return “when the arches of gold shall be upon every major market”.
201, A Space Odyssey. A small group of explorers sets out for Jupiter. Halfway up Mt. Olympus, they get lost when their mechanical owl malfunctions.
***Rave Heart - ***A Scottish man rises to the top of the Rave scene, freeing the dancers from the tyranny of DJ Tiesto.
Cash of Kings - One man has to work out how to pay for the coronations of five separate kings.
The Hors Whisperer: He can get those hors to do anything!
The Dinner Gam–It’s leg of lamb for supper again. Your move.
Apocalypse Ow–Mistah Kurtz, he ain’t dead. But he did hit his head real bad.
Ra–Akira Kurasawa’s epic about the story of the ancient Egyptian sun god, remade as a tale of honor and vengance among samurai.
The Bids–Alfred Hitchcock’s classic movie about freaky auctioneers.
The Pink Anther–Inspector Clouseau searches for a rare tropical plant.
Ineption–This movie could have been compelling science fiction, if it weren’t so terribly incompetent.
Well played, sir!
The Ad and the Beautiful: Irk directs TV commercials.
Town Without Pit: Irk tries to start a BBQ joint.
Paths of Gory: Irk piles up the bodies in WW1 France.
Even Days in May: Irk must avert nuclear war every 48 hours.
In Ham’s Way: Sequel to Town Without Pit.
A Bridge to Far- WW2 thriller in which soldiers must capture an incredibly long bridge even though they have no idea where it leads, who holds it or what is on the other side, only that it’s far.
Classic TV shows:
Lassi–A heartwarming series about a boy and his Indian yogurt drink. (The game show “Let’s Make a Dal” was pitched to the same demographic.)
The Donna Red Show–The friendly Communists down the block.
Contemporary (or at least somewhat contemporary) TV shows:
Fiends–A group of attractive but neurotic young people live together in the city. On full moon nights, they all become wolves with a thirst for blood.
Sinfeld–Jerry, George, and Elaine in private, as you’ve never seen them before. Shown only on Skinemax, late at night.
Icked - She was green and repulsive, and nobody wanted to touch her.
The Thin - Sci Fi movie about a really skinny extraterrestrial discovered in the Arctic.
10 in the Shade - Stranger comes to town in bitter cold winter, and makes it snow.
110 in the Shad - A fish with a fever.
No County for Old Men - Local, low-budget remake of a 2007 hit movie.
Tinner - A man upsets a gypsie, and is cursed to work the rest of his days in a cannery.
The Lone Rager - all his buddies were killed…Now he’s MAD. (Alternate title, The Lone Anger.)
The Green Horne - After a singer gets gamma irradiated, she becomes a crime fighter.
Star Trek: The Net Generation - The story of the United Federation of Planets’ top basketball team.
Oh, and I may as well finish off the Song of Ice and Fire riffs…
A Storm of Words - Westerosi parliamentary procedure is far more exciting than you you would think.
One with the Wind - A documentary about the causes of flatulence.
The Odd Coupe - Story of the battle of two men to be the first to produce a car powered by urine
The Greatest Story Eve Told - The first woman describes to the first man how this long hissing thing convinced her to eat a round red thingy
The American Resident - A really, really exciting story of someone living in the U.S.A. starring Annette Being, Martin Seen
The Pawbroker - gripping story about how Greenpeace operatives track down a dealer in the limbs of endangered species
Bride Over the River Kwai - Story of two POWs who discover they are both gay
Tomb Rider - spooky horror film about a lonely boy who spends his nights in a graveyard
Tom Raider - intense thriller about woman who stalks a Welsh singing star
Three Days of The Condo - Spy story about CIA worker who breaks into an apartment and holds owner hostage while he makes plans to evade his pursuers
Fee Willy - Story about male prostitutes
A couple of repeaters, I see, but since great minds think alike, I’ll keep them in…
Fight Cub: A panda and a Grisly build a global organization to help vent bear aggression.
Goo Fellas: Henry Hill and his friends work their way up through the porn hierarchy.
Psych: A young woman steals $40,000 from her employer’s client, and subsequently returns it, pokes the client in the ribs and exclaims, “psych!”.
Oy Story: A goy toy is profoundly threatened and jealous when a Yiddish toy supplants him as top toy in a boy’s room.
**Lawence of Arabia: Epic rumination on a flamboyant British military figure with a speech impediment and his conflicted loyalties during wartime service.
201: A Space Odyssey. **Roman consuls, Lucius Annius Fabianus and Marcus Nonius Arrius Mucianus find a mysterious, artificial, artifact buried on the moon and, with the intelligent computer HALianus IBMicus, set off on a quest down the milky Appian Way.
**Hat: **focuses on the lives of two hats on opposite sides of the law - one a fedora; the other a pork pie.
**Satch: **Unscrupulous jazz trumpeter, Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong, fights to track down a priceless stolen trumpet mute.
**Carface: **Disfigured immigrant, Tony “Edsel Pus” Montana takes over a plastic surgery center while succumbing to vanity.
**The id: **A Tramp driven solely by his pleasure principle, cares for an abandoned child, but events put that relationship in jeopardy, when his desires, wants and needs are not immediately satisfied.
**Removing 2 letters gives us:
Mento: A man, suffering from short-term memory loss, chews Mentos while hunting for the man he thinks killed his wife, convinced, for jogging memory, there’s nothing like a Mentos!
** Rear Wind: A flatulent photographer spies on his neighbors from his apartment window and becomes convinced one of them can cook him stuffed cabbage and beans.
***Ain’t Your Wagon - ***Two curmudgeons purchase the same wagon and the disagree over the ownership.
What’s Eating Gilbert Rape?–Is forcing someone to be the recipient of oral sex really a crime?
***Destroy all Planes - ***Godzilla, Mothra, Ghidera and company band together to defend Monster Island from an incoming aerial attack.