On the second page of the thread Who the [Carnal Knowledge] Is John Corrado?, Kat (mis)typed the following comment, on a night when the keyboard (based on other posts) was obviously being user-surly for her:
Picking up on her typo, I commented:
Kat of course played along with the idea, and posted this:
This led Super Gnat to comment:
Well, yes, they would. Okay, we have a defined set of twelve per Mod. (Perhaps Admins. get a deluxe set of 16.) Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to define, as Kat and I did for John Corrado what the other Moderators and Administrators are depicted as doing on their individualized trading cards – 12 poses to a Mod. Collect them all!!
Cecil has no trading card. To have his image bartered among those who are no doubt incapable of comprehending His brilliance in demeaning, at best, to the Perfect Master, and anyone thought to be engaging in such will, as I’ve heard, “become a hamster.” There’s no concrete evidence of what that may actually entail, but I think it’s safe to say that no one of us would like to find out first-hand.
I think the vital question is, what stats are included on the backs of the cards?
Pit threads about, obviously. With yearly splits.
Times called a Nazi?
Warnings issued, perhaps?
Times wearing the moderator hat. (This would be a good card for each to have, as well, of course. Still Life in Mod Hat.)
Heads knocked?
Jackboots worn out?
Threads moved?
Plus, of course, the random factoids about the mods.
Banning JDT (the red “ban” button is in the left corner in the mirror image version, of which few were made. It is considered more valuable by many collectors).
Standing by a portrait of Lady Godiva
Two Words: Tuba Diva. Seen here jamming with BB King
In the footprints of the Invisible Pink Unicorn
Chicago Reader in hand (is that a SDMB coffee mug on the right edge of the card?)
Polishing her “Moderator of the Month” trophy from June, 1999 (the award was discontinued soon thereafter, and only two moderators were ever given the award: Lynn Bodoni was the other).
Jazzercise time!
Hurling fireballs at Marilyn vos Savant
Rare sighting: TubaDiva giving Satan a hug (some collectors believe this card was a practical joke played on the trading card company by Marilyn vos Savant’s crew. They point to the “SMDB” logo on the coffee mug at TubaDiva’s desk as proof of a photoshop job).
Pantsing John Corrado
Boring life? TubaDiva? Of course not! Seen here moshing in Atlanta.
Jetskiing in the Gulf of Mexico with reported SN-twin tubagirl.
A simple portrait: TubaDiva’s picture, and the caption beneath: your humble administrator
TubaDiva
In the Chi Reader backroom, taking bets on hamster races. This card was discontinued after TubaDiva objected on the grounds that she does not engage in, sanction or otherwise approve of hamster races. Only ten were made (Wayne Gretzky co-owns one), and the card was not replaced, so collecting all 16 cards is nearly impossible.
Hard at work on a SDStaff Report.
UncleBeer cards have a sort of theme going for them:
UncleBeer at the end of the Mythical Ten.
UncleBeer drinking Coldfire under the table.
UncleBeer singlehandedly clearing out an entire Spanish club … one fist at a time.
UncleBeer as BeerBoy[sup]TM[/sup].
UncleBeer next to a 6-foot-tall pint-style jagermeister at dawn.
UncleBeer after drinking the thing … at dusk.
UncleBeer next to a pyramid of beer cans representing all he drank in college. This feat is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest amount of alcohol consumed in one four-year period by one person.
UncleBeer threatening Silo: “You knock that shit out or I’ll make you drink Coors!”
UncleBeer at Oktoberfest in Germany, drinking alongside World Strongman champion Magnus Samuelson and Bill Kazmaier.
UncleBeer wearing his “I’m with Jack” t-shirt, beside a bottle of Jack Daniels.
UncleBeer drinking beer out of his moderator hat.
UncleBeer with a milk mustache.
manhattan’s trading cards:
In his moderator office, with Pit thread OPs directed at him framed and signed by their authors. Supposedly the wall is painted black, but manhattan ain’t saying.
Riding a motorcycle onto the New York subway system.
Skydiving onto Wall Street at lunchtime.
Eating a Peep, head-first.
Somersaulting down the steps of the Supreme Court.
Posing as the second gunner on the grassy knoll.
Tightrope-walking across Niagara Falls.
In a 12-bone corset, playing Dr. Frankenfurter.
Slam dunking over Patrick Ewing (à la Venice Beach pictures, with the head cut out … unless he wants to explain that whole “white head, black body” thing;)).
Because Coldy’s trying to buy them all out of circulation. I remember seeing somewhere, a Coldfire trading card with him standing next to a huge warehouse full of these cards… What’s Dutch for “Clog Boy’s Property” again?
David B
Rarest card in the bunch
David standing out in a corn field. In the background Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, Dracula and various aliens make rabbit ears. #2
David standing over a bruised and battered Goliaoth.
The rest all disappeared out on Bermuda Waters.
Coldfire - Confused Clogger
With one foot in the clog and one in the Nazi Jackboot.
This one is worth 10 points if played within 3 posts of someone suggesting that he’s losing the Jackbooted Thug race.
Manhattan Madness
An obviously crazy Manhattan staring off into the wild blue yonder while surrounding him are the Admins. waiting for his next proclamation as to whom to ban.
An additional 50 points if you can get Manny to ban 4 posters from the same thread within 10 posts.
(Hey, I’m not being serious here, I think our Mods. and Admins. do an admirable job).
Lynn’s Screaming Hissy Fit
Imagery of our beloved Lynn surrounded by chocolate and … er … more chocolate, with gobs of chocolate streaming from her engorged mouth and chocolate flinging from her fingers as she sweeps away the venom being poured upon her by losers.
An additional 5 pieces of chocolate may be awarded if she responds to a vitriolic post directed at her with great aplomb.
Now if only we could get actual images we could make true trading cards and flog them off to the lowest bidders and make some money to further support the boards. I know I’d buy a set or two.
Well, there’s got to be a card of C K Dexter Haven looking suave and debonair in a tux, and of Czarcasm with a big slimy green lizardman.
And, of course, there’s the rare special edition hologram card that has Nickrz, Chronos and JillGat escaping from the Chicago Reader basement Mod Holding Cell.
Ah yes … that would be the Group Shot #1, if I remember correctly … they’re all in front of a sign that reads “Members of the Nazi Mod/Jackbooted Thug Family”. Shot #2 is of Dr. Matrix, bibliophage, MEBuckner, Chronos and Cajun Man, posing behind a “L337 M0D3R470R CR00” sign. Shot 3 is TubaDiva, Lynn Bodoni, TVeblen, JillGat and Gaudere in basketball uniforms as “Team Straight Dope” … SDMB 99, Ignorance 0. Then Shot 4 is John Corrado, C K Dexter Haven, Arnold Winkelried, Czarcasm and Eutychus smiling and looking cute while they polish their putz rifles. Shot 5 is Ukelele Ike, MEBuckner, Chronos, Dr. Matrix and Cajun Man holding up their “2001: Year of the Mod … Squad” stationery. Shot 6 is jdavis, Ed Zotti and a blank cardboard cutout representing Cecil Adams. No background whatsoever. They’re not doing anything.
And lastly, shot #7 is an all-out, no holes-barred, take-no-prisoners slugfest. Everyone vs. Serlin.
Jerk Moderator and Banhattan come to mind. Two of my favorite things ever on The Dope.
Oh, besides Cecil actualy responding to a post of mine.
ME Buckner should have a picture of himself standing inside a giant Buckyball. That’s how i sometimes picture him. Other times it’s with several well placed spears stuck in his torso.
Okay, that was bad. But, I’m serious about the Buckyball.
TVeBlen would have aerials on his head like My Favorite Martian.
Ukelele Ike is playing a guitar, for some reason.
One of the stats for all of them would be their time zone.
Another needed stat is whether or not they throw like a girl.
As long as we’re doing this, we may as well make a trading card game out of it. Each card should have attack and defense power ratings, and special effects when played.
Example:
Eutychus the Self-Effacing
Poster Type: Mod
Attack/Defense: 1/3
Card Art: An image of Eutychus attempting to hide behind some piece of art–perhaps a sculpture or a book.
When Eutychus comes into play, all female posters are tapped, and spend the round assuring Euty that he’s adorable.
Eutychus gains +2/+1 to Attack/Defense if a Cafe Society forum card is in play.
