Ah-hA…the light turned on for me! Please ignore my ignorant previous post. I GOT it ok!
(Ya gotta read the WHOLE joke out, not just the punchline to get it). And after the previous elephant jokes, one is inclined to focus on those critters as the topic of the pun.
You can colour me smugly satisfied now.
Dentist says to the lady, “I’m gonna have to pull that tooth out.”
The lady says, “Ooooooo, I’d rather have a baby.”
Dentist says, “Make up your mind, I gotta adjust the chair.”
Thank you, Buddy Hackett.
What’s invisible and smells like a worm? Bird fart.
Did you hear about the man with 5 penises? His underwear fit like a glove.
If you meant British Petroleum stations, I rememebr seeing those in and around Montreal when I was a child.
Not since, though.
Yeah, I guess that is what I meant, I never knew what BP stood for though, thanks!
why do elephants wear tennies?
because ninies are too little and elevenies are too big
I still don’t get the joke. Could someone explain it? I said the whole thing out loud.
What’s grey and comes in quarts
A timex.
Still makes no sense to me.
OK Dave, just for you:
If you read quarts as QUARTZ, you'll get it.
Gee, I’m so happy that I can enlighten someone (for once!!)
Actually, there are BP stations all over the U.S. Some call them “Bippy.”
A bear walks into a bar and says “I’d like…a beer.” Bartender says “why the big pause?” (paws…get it?)
The great telekinteicist swore that he could stop a speeding locomotive with his mind. He stood on the tracks with his eyes closed, concentrating all his powers on the train, barelling toward him down the tracks. Of course it hit him and he was killed instantly. But every spoon on the dining car was bent.
Not quite a one-liner, but I always liked it.
Why were there only 49 contestants in the Miss Ebonics USA Pageant?
Because they couldn’t find anyone to wear the sash that said “Idaho.”
It works best if you YELL the response…
Q-What’s brown and sticky?
A- A STICK!!
Q-What do you call an boomerang that doesn’t return?
A- A STICK!!
Sometimes I feel as though I wasn’t meant to believe in predestination.
I had to return my Panasonic alarm clock. It was slightly ahead of our time.
** Mofo Rising**, “Disappointing George” is hilarious. Subtle, and hilarious!
I’ve posted this before, and I’ll post it again:
Q. What did the hat say to the hat rack?
A. You stay here, I’ll go on a head!
a dyslexic guy walked into a bra
I went for a walk in the graveyard today. I saw a man with a small dog. I said “morning” he said “no walking my dog”"
Boom and furthermore boom.
More stolen jokes:
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupti [MOOOOOOOO!]
Did you hear about the dyslexic warlock who sold his soul to Santa?
[HIJACK]
Ever since they merged with a bunch of other oil companies and became THE NUMBER ONE BIGGEST oil company, they are dead-set on becoming seen as being eco-consious.
B.P. now stands for “Beyond Petroleum”
I’m serious. This is not a joke.
[/HIJACK]
“My uncle is severely allergic to cotton. The doctor gave him some pills, but he can’t get them out of the bottle…”
I’m proud, PROUD I say, that my “small, white and smooth” elephant joke is finally being appreciated by others.
If you want tons of one-liners and short gags, listen to Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg. Their acts are pretty much one short joke after another. Examples:
“Sex with my girlfriend is amazing. It’s like a rock concert. She screams a lot…and she throws frisbees around the room. When she wants more she lights a match.”
“The thing that’s depressing about tennis is, no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.”
“I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.”
“I went over to my friend’s house and helped him stay put. It’s a lot easier than helping someone move.”
Thanks guys these are great 
Special thanks to Astro for the link. Mucho helpful.
Hehe
That’s one of my all-time faves.
