What are the best & shortest jokes/play on words/puns etc. you know?
Example:
Boycott shampoo, demand real poo!
A chicken and an egg were laying in bed. The chicken takes a drag on a cigarette and says “Well, I guess that answers that question!”.
A woman walks into a doctor’s office with a banana in one ear and grapes up her nose. The doctor tells her “You’re not eating right.”
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who cannot.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
What’s got two legs and bleeds a lot?
Half a dog.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary notation, and those who don’t.
Q: How Long is a Chinaman?
A: Yes, he is.
What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung!!
I know a little Italian.
His name is Giovanni, and he’s about this big.
Wait, these are supposed to be short jokes.
What are you, like 4’9" without the heels?
“Ah. just like Mom used to make.”
“Really?”
“No. My mother could burn takeout.”
I didn’t always want to be a [insert your job here]. I wanted to be a gold prospector, but that didn’t pan out.
JOKE TELLER: A good friend of mine got hurt at work, and now he has a weak back.
STRAIGHT MAN: Oh no! When did that happen?
JOKE TELLER: About a week back.
JOKE TELLER: Where are you from?
UNSUSPECTING RUBE: [inserts where they’re from]
JOKE TELLER: I’m sorry?
UNSUSPECTING RUBE: [repeats where they’re from]
JOKE TELLER: I heard you, I’m just sorry.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
(A brick.)
Where do you get virgin wool?
Ugly sheep.
What’s green, has six legs, and kills you if it falls out of a tree?
A pool table!
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? “Here come the elephants.”
What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? “Here come the grapes.” (She was color blind.)
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses? Nothing. He didn’t recognize them.
Not realy a joke, but a very short poem by Roger McGough called “Neighbourhood Watch”. It goes like this:-
“Our Neighbourhood Watch has been stolen.”
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary notation, those who don’t, and those who didn’t see a ternary joke coming.
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s first movement.