I have NO idea what’s up with my lips in that picture.
Freaky.
I checked out some of the other pictures and you’r Angelina Jolie’s lip look only appeared in this picture. I was beginning to think that your cat allergy spread to your lips instead of just your eyes.
I really should use the preview feature. :mad:
My connection at home has gotten so flaky that I couldn’t post from there–I couldn’t even get the thread to load without getting disconnected. Looks like I’ll be looking into DSL or cable soon.
The notes will be somewhat disjointed–I had some trouble keeping up, surely a first.
Regardless:
3:15–I arrived, finding Zyada still making preparations–“You didn’t expect me to be ready, did you?”. Her mother returned a few minutes later, and Zyada got to make the first of many double introductions, “This is John. That’s why we call him ‘Balance’.”
Zyada noted that Jim, Grace, and Hootie were planning to meet up and should arrive together. There was some speculation about this mix of always-early and always-late–would they cancel out and both show up on time?
(Obviously not, they were already some minutes late.)
3:25–Grace, Hootie, and Jim arrive bearing booze, franks, little experimental barbecue beef cups a la Grace, and (for reasons unknown) duct tape. Jim proudly announced that the tape would, indeed, work on ducks. He got recruited to open jars of salsa and condiments.
Hootie started slicing cheese, leading to the inevitable “Hmmm…eat 'um cheese” remark.
3:35–Ag arrives and promptly leaps on an comment by Zyada.
QooC, Zyada: “The pool guy didn’t come.” She later clarified that he did not, in fact, get any action at all.
Discussion of Hootie’s last excursion with us (at Hawkewood) prompted the startling observation that Hootie was actually wearing a high-necked top. I knew not what to think…
Hawkewood reminiscences also triggered the understatement of the day: “The Fairy Godfather is a little eccentric.”
Zyada’s cats are traumatized by the influx of strange people–they’re in hiding. Ag, whose allergies generally make him a cat-magnet, is just as pleased. He leads a round-table discussion on tormenting cats; several of held out for laser pointers as the ultimate tool of cat manipulation (two pointers, two cats, cross the beams–enough said, yes?), but Ag favors rubber-banding foil over their paws. He says that it will cause them to hop repeatedly, trying to keep from putting their weight on the foil. Grace thinks we’re all meanies.
The popularity of Smirnhoff Ice drinks with women was discussed–apparently, they’re all the rage. Ag recounts a supply run to a liquor store:
Clerk: “Going to a party?”
Ag: “Yeah.”
Clerk: “Will there be women there?”
Ag (slightly insulted?): “Yes.”
Clerk: “Take these.” <hands Ag some Smirnhoffs>
…
Ag: “In an hour, they were gone.”
All: “The drinks, or the women?”
Ag: <dirty look at assemblage>
Ag duly mocked for mistaking the date for the gathering and calling Grace while she was in Missouri and asking “How long are y’all going to be there?” Of course, Grace had the date wrong, too…
Grace had a “Grace” moment about the reason why we call our usual restaurant “The Ditch”, and was teased mercilessly about her difficulties with Spanish. Ag declared that the voices in his head only spoke Spanish, so all he understands is things like “yes” and “beer” when they talk to him.
Spanish curses discussed–I suggested that most of them seem to lose something in translation. Zyada registered her disagreement with the pithy comment “Goatfucker.”
Ag: “Is that a dig at me?”
Momentary lull–Ag noted that we needed Palmyra to supply a wildly embarassing out-of-context-quote. Zyada went charging out the front door for no obvious reason; Ag moved over to the window to provide a play-by-play:
“She’s approching the curb. She’s looking around…now she’s moving off down the street…she appears to be looking at the white car…”
It turned out that she thought she had seen one of her (indoors-only) cats outside, and had gone looking.
4:25–Maidenunicorn and her boyfriend (apparently now yclept FreudianSlip) arrived, and the increasingly complex introductions were performed. maiden was trying (apparently successfully) to get him to start posting on the boards, dangling Star Wars and Star Trek threads in front of him.
maiden and Freudian announced that they were going to an orgy after leaving the Dopefest. Apparently, Freudian has been taunting an “Adult Friend Finder” chat/board group with inflated Dopefest stories, trying to convince them that he was going to an even better party (which, of course, he was). Ag told him that he had posted Freudian’s address to some newsgroups, so he probably should expect gatecrashers.
Freudian: “alt.bin.goat-porn?” (The guy catches on fast.)
Ag: “alt.people.with-severe-social-dysfunctions”
Zyada: “My ex posts there.”
Ag: “Shit, you mean that’s real?!”
Freudian: “He’s a moderator.”
Some comment (sadly lost to the ages) from Freudian prompted mention of Jim’s family…er, web. You know, kids that not only aren’t genetically related to him, but aren’t even related to each other. Jim mentioned that a mild comment from a stranger resulted in a lecture from one of his kids on the intricate web of relationships that lasted throughout a many-floors elevator ride.
The subject of elevators brought up Grace’s little elevator problem, and Ag mentioned a guy he knew getting stuck in an elevator, calling out on the emergency phone, and getting the ultimate confidence-inspiring response: “What country are you in?” Grace noted that her worst worry about elevators was a fear of getting stuck in one when she needed to pee.
DVDs discussed–after some effort, we recalled one movie that psiekier claimed to dislike: Titan A.E.. Hootie, for reasons best known to herself, asked if the Peewee Herman movie was out on DVD.
Freudian: “You could catch him at the theater.”
Ag’s cable bill explained–he’s signed up for something on the order of 20 sports channels. I can’t imagine why, but then I don’t watch any sports…except maybe:
Zyada: “ESPN used to have a cheerleader championship…”
Ag: “That’s a cool sport…”
Ag demonstrated (for no good reason that I could detect) knee, hand, and armpit farting–“If it bends, I can probably fart with it.”
Needless to say, that prompted some razzing from the Smirnhoff gallery.
We relocated to the living room, where Ag holds forth on South Park (particularly the “shit” counter) from the kiddy (kitty) recliner. According to Zyada, it’s the cats’ favorite chair. I privately decided that he was checking the ladies for a sneezing fetish. 
Hootie has the hots for Joe-Bob Briggs.
Kramer discussed–apparently, it can be difficult to think of the actor as anyone but “Kramer”. I’m not subject to this problem, because I found all of “Seinfeld” so annoying that I never watched it. We diverted briefly into the endless debate over exactly what the velvet painting at the Ditch depicts–Aglarond still insists that it’s Kramer. I say it’s a horrible freak of nature (which is not necessarily to say that I disagree with Ag 
).
Ag always does his Christmas shopping on Christmas eve to avoid crowds; this is also part of the reason he uses “oh, shit” bags rather than wrapping presents. The rest of the reason is apparently monumental ineptitude at wrapping, a problem I can certainly understand. The last present that I actually wrapped was a chimenea for my sister-in-law–I couldn’t resist the challenge. The look on her face was worth it.
QooC–
Ag: “I never lick.”
Hootie: “And he wonders why he has trouble with girlfriends…”
Hootie has a “spot-the-fake-boobs” spreadsheet that she’s going to send Ag.
Ag’s ideal woman: “Big boobs, no morals, and a trust fund.”
Ag quotes the Man Show on urinal patterns, surveys, and a petition to end women’s suffrage–evidently they actually conned some women into helping them with the last of that list. :rolleyes:
The next Star Trek series (“Enterprise”) discussed–I passed on the comments from the IMHO thread that an all-lesbian crew would undoubtedly enhance ratings amongst the 13-(arbitrarily large age) male demographic. Scott Bakula’s role met with general approval, but concern over the writing remained.
6:15–Body piercings discussed. I spent this entire period flinching too much to take notes. Carry on without me, please. <shudder>
Freudian went on at length about a tattoo from a Boris Vallejo painting (I’m not sure how serious he was about getting the tattoo–he also mentioned wanting a BSD devil on one arm). It was a dragon tattoo, with the tail coiled around the guy’s lower leg, the body across the back of his torso, its claws on his shoulders, and it’s head swung down across his chest. I pondered this while he was describing it, and kept coming back to the same inescapable conclusion. I tactfully suggested that he might consider the dracoerotic implications first… well, actually no. What I said was:
“So basically, it looks like the dragon is buttf***ing the guy.”
For some reason, he dropped the subject after that, while I took a certain measure of ribbing for my blunt speech.
Freudian recounted almost hooking up with a (?assistant?) youth pastor at his former church via the “adult friends” web service. A sense of mischief prompted him to go back to the church the next Sunday, just to see her blush.
Zyada’s brother and his wife showed up, only to be deluged with odd introductions.
Ag was still sneezing–he finally got out of the chair and moved across the room to another seat, from which he attempted to identify men’s four basic food groups:
“Beer, barbecue…I’ve never tried the other two.”
Grace and Zyada took a stab at the groups for women “Chocolate…white zinfandel…” and got sidetracked. They may be the only people who have ever dared to order wine at the Texas State Fair–they opened a new box for them <gag>.
Zyada’s bro: “Would madame care to smell the spigot?”
6:45–maiden called purplebear to wish her a happy birthday, and passed the phone around. Ag got the phone first and impersonated me briefly–he should have known he couldn’t put it over without a constant scribbling sound in the background.
Freudian started taking pictures.
Grace was rubbing Hootie’s leg with her toes again.
QooC–
Ag: “Trim your toenails before rubbing another woman’s legs!”
Hootie: “I looked like a pimp-daddy!”
Ag: “A Volvo is not a part of the female anatomy.”
Chat rooms discussed. Chat names came in for a measure of scorn (“Do they really think that calling themselves ‘Mr. Rock_Hard’ impresses anyone?”)
Ag: “It might help if I quit logging in as ‘Hot_Teen_Chick’.” Of course, he immediately gets the m/f question if he dares to use “Aglarond”.
ExTank’s scorpion episode recounted. <BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM–rain of scorpion bits> I explained his persistent absence from our gatherings; I happened to bump into him at Scarborough, and he told me that he had been travelling quite a lot on business–I think he’s made a couple of East Coast Dopefests, but no more of ours.
Zyada traumatized one of the cats some more by trying to bring her through the living room. I missed it (poor timing on the refill), but I’m told the cat actually braced all four paws on the doorframe and barred all forward motion.
Ag followed Grace’s directions to the house: “Off the highway, right, left, right, left, don’t run into the house.” It’s a wonder he didn’t end up in Borneo or something.
Zyada mentioned changes to the search engine–apparently some functions have been disabled. She was trying to search for Lizard’s old hooker thread to link for TN*hippie’s current hooker thread.
Hootie doesn’t understand the impulse to go to a prostitute: “There are plenty of desperate women int he bars.”
maiden: “I’m there every night.”
Celebrity obits discussed, but Eve has that angle covered.
maiden recounted the saga of the exploding microwave. Worse than the simple problem of an explosion, it happened shortly after they got the little kids to sleep, resulting in a mob of horrible (if somewhat drowsy) monsters for the rest of the day. I recommended Kidstoned Chewable Valium (warning: the clip is a 2 meg mpeg–it is awfully funny, though). Amazingly, no one else there–not even Hootie, who apparently gets every allegedly funny clip or message on the web–had seen the “ad” yet.
School daze discussed–Ag hassled me for being valedictorian…in a class of 66 at a rural Louisiana high school. At least I didn’t get beat up–that’ll teach you to skip your bo lessons as a kid. 
Ag and Freudian recommend the Digital Blasphemy website for wallpaper files. maiden accused Freudian of being obsessed with screensavers.
QooC–
Ag: “Oh, I have beer.”
Ag (of Grace): “She was tugging on my shorts.”
Grace: “Not Carla the ho’, my other ex-roomate…” (Never did hear what that was all about.)
Hootie mentioned that her boss invented the “Death by Chocolate” dessert. Other than that, he’s apparently a jerk.
The movie–and the descriptor–“Coyote Ugly” discussed. I didn’t follow it very well–I’ve never seen the movie.
Glurge roundly denounced. The “Build the Perfect Glurge” thread was duly recalled, although none of us could remember who started it–not even Ag, who threatened the whoever it was with torment and death if he found the result of the thread in his inbox.
8:40–maiden and Freudian were getting directions to the orgy (all right, all right–to the pre-orgy party at Planet Hollywood; they weren’t really planning on attending the orgy). Given the conflicting directions they were getting, I’m amazed they got anywhere.
Here endeth the notes. Time to go soak my hands in ice water…
Great job on the notes Balance!
I didn’t mean to pull on Aglarond’s shorts. I was trying to tug the pillow on his lap. I ended up rubbing his legs and grabbing the bottom of his shorts instead.
:mad: And I did too know that El Arroyo meant the Ditch. I was being sarcastic. :mad:
Grace is still being teased about the Ditch…
Picturesin case some of you are too lazy to go back to page 2 to find them.
You better watch it Balance! I’m sure I’ll come up with something dreadful if you keep teasing me about The Ditch.
Talking with Grace just now, she noted that we talked more about sex and adult web sites this time than any other dopefest. She proposed that is was because we were so close to Zyada’s bedroom.
I’m not too sure about that, but the subject came up a lot and for a long time, too.
Maybe, it was the orgy thing that kept it at the forefront.
Good job, Balance with the notes. And as alway I had a great time, even though according the the notes the main thing I did was show up. Taking Grace’s place at that, huh?
Jim
Hey, there were women present. You can’t expect Balance to catch everything you guys said especially when we gals were talking about breasts and wild lesbian sex.
I know that the wild lesbian sex and breast kept my attention.
Jim
Actually, if I remember correctly, you were trying to grab the large stack of napkins from his lap to show Zyada. Though I do think Ag got a bit of a thrill from it none-the-less.
Just goes to show that mine wasn’t the only chain you were trying to yank that day.
You are correct! It was a stack of napkins and not the pillow I was grabbing. I guess this means that I have to deal with two people (FS and Balance) who remember everything.
Ohhh yeah, baby.
Great job on the notes, Balance. I’d type more, but I’m frickin lazy.
Great job on the notes, Balance. I’d type more, but I’m frickin lazy. **
[/QUOTE]
Balance…you did such a fine job on the notes, I vote you chief scribe of the Dallas Dopers. Have you ever thought of a career in journalism?
I cannot believe that NO time was spent discussing what a shame it was that I wasn’t there.
What?! You weren’t there? Did anyone else notice that Cheffie wasn’t there?
I started to bring it up, but everyone was having such a good time, I hated to mention Chef.
That may not have sounded right, or maybe it did.
Jim