What a bad day it’s turning out to be.
I walked into the office feeling fine, except for a tiny headache. Within the last three hours, I’ve developed a cough, runny nose, hyper-sensitive skin, and possible fever.
What the hell is wrong with me?!
According to my careful prosthesis;
You’ve got the plague!
Run everybody!
In medical parlance:
You’ve got that thing that’s going around.
Near as I can tell, he’s pregnant.
[Smartass kid]
“maybe it’s a tumor!”
[/s.k.]
[Ahhhnold]
“It’s not a tumor’!!!”
[/schwartzenegger]
Did you get a bionic arm since I last saw you?
Let’s hope that’s the only prosthesis he wears while posting. 
Your symptoms sound exactly like this disease I remember reading about, except that it normally affects only excessive masturbators and the criminally insane. Hmmm…
Careful with that prosthesis, Eugene!
You have that thing with the infection in the thing and that other thing falls off because your thing gets weak and that stuff that drains from that one part is almost normal except that it’s not the right color so the thing will have to be soaked in this liquid stuff. You have 24 hours to live.
You’ve got a Brain Cloud.
Well, if any of you were reading Geobabe’s thread, you’d know.
And if you’ve never heard of “Beat The Reaper”, then I’m afraid you are beyond the help of modern medicine, clinical or otherwise.
Sheesh!
A dose of the clap.
Oh, I get it. It’s a reference to some obscure joke taking place in a totally different thread.
Bahahahahaha!
I forgot this:
Your brain has really bad gas! What have you been feeding it today? I recommend calling a psychic surgeon at once! This affliction can be treated by phone…
Or, you may indeed be pregnant.
I’m sorry but I’ll need to have a copy of your insurance card before I misdiagnose you.
Where’s our resident hypochondriac tatertot? She should be able to tell you what’s wrong, Cyni…
According to my prosthesis, you have excessive pressure within the cranium. You need to be trepanned.
(My prosthesis? It’s a forehead. Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.)
Your symptoms sound like a rare disease from the Wachutu Tribe of Africa.
You haven’t been having sex with imported sheep again, have you?
Please, for the love of God. If you musthave sex with sheep use only Domestic sheep. DDDOOOMMEEESSTTTIICC!
¡:(!