Diagnose me

Being too lazy and cheap to visit a doctor, I challenge the dopers to diagnose my illness.

Symptoms;

Sore throat
Constant headache
Tightness in forehead
Unable to taste anything sweet
Puffy eyes
Sore and swollen ears
Tiredness
Vague ‘unwell’ feeling

Cranial Rectumitis.

I’m going to have to go with Herpies.

Seriously though, don’t rely on people on a message board for something as important as medical advice. Although there are doctors that post here, it’s still not something that you should gamble with. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if a Mod comes here and tells you the same thing, while locking it.

Scurvy.

…what?

Ebola.

You’re not sick, you’re just in looooooooove!

You are an unwise person who should go to the doctor to get properly diagnosed.

Based on your request for a diagnosis via a message board, I have ascertained that you suffer from Microdeckia.

You’re a cat. I recommend you see the V-E-T to find out what’s wrong with you.

I would have settled for “you’re a cheap bastard.”

is there a lot of mold in your living quarters?

you may be both lazy and cheap. don’t add completely lacking in common sense to the list. see a doctor.

Ok - clearly the “I’m at work, bored, feel mildly ill and can’t get to a doctor right now” thread is a bad idea.

Pretty much. We don’t want you–or anyone–soliciting medical advice on the SDMB. (Ain’t wise to do so, anyway.)

This be closed.