And I agree I cannot think of a more embarassing way for my dead body to be found than described in the OP. Well ok, one- Albert Dekker:
http://www.findadeath.com/Deceased/d/dekker/albert_dekker.htm
IIRC this was the fate of the genius that was Paul Lynde- nude in bed, poppers on the nightstand, erection, spooge, etc, although there was evidence that he was entertaining a young man who panicked and ran after Uncle Arthur expired.
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal]
So you call it your house. That’s *precious. *Does your husband park his car in your garage.
[/QUOTE]
EW.
I don’t believe I have ever used cooking oil as a sexual lubricant.
Hmm,
Did your butt hurt when you woke up? Because I’m working on a theory…
[QUOTE=Jean Poutine]
After a while it gets “full” for lack of a better word, and fragrant, at which point you throw it out, and find a suitable replacement.
[/QUOTE]
Ok, that is nasty after all. My assumptions were wrong. I don’t understand what is so hard about just throwing something in the hamper/laundry basket after you are done using it.
You win so hard*for posting this.
*Grammar nazis: It’s the new slang. You saw it here first.
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.goodcatch.com/ht/images/TOWELS/CTB.JPG&imgrefurl=http://www.goodcatch.com/ht/wholesale/cumtowels.htm&h=93&w=250&sz=19&hl=en&start=13&tbnid=M60aVaCRehjwcM:&tbnh=41&tbnw=111&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcum%2Btowel%26ndsp%3D20%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN
Probably not quite safe for work.
Boy, the things I learn on the 'Dope. Who would have thought that such things existed? And there was a market for them?
[QUOTE=dahfisheroo]
Probably not quite safe for work.
Boy, the things I learn on the 'Dope. Who would have thought that such things existed? And there was a market for them?
[/QUOTE]
I can’t believe you googled that.
I don’t want to know what else popped up in the google images search…
You have to becareful what you search for there. I told my brother in law that I was looking for a new photo album to put all my family picture in there, but I said I didn’t want anything to “gay looking”… He immediately tried to find me a gay looking photo album in google. I think googling “gay photo album” has permanetly changed him…
Ho lordy. If this is just an incident in your every day life, you need your own show on the Spice channel. Not for me to wach, mind you. For someone else to watch. They can compress it into an easily digestible snippet.
…Or is that what your hand is for!!!
Bwahahaha…
…Okay, that was mean. I be sorry.
God, such a quandry. Posting to this thread means actually admitting that not only did I read it, but I have something to say about it.
Oh, hell. At least I didn’t wake up a bare mattress.
[QUOTE=pizzabrat]
(like, why did my underwear have to be on backwards? Did my cousin coax me into doing that for his own amusement?)
[/QUOTE]
That this is the part you’re most concerned about amuses me. (OK, maybe not most concerned about, but concerned enough to flesh out the thought) (Ewwww, I just said ‘flesh out’ in this thread).
::tosses aside the keyboard and flees::
[QUOTE=pizzabrat]
Just forget this thread ever happened.
[/QUOTE]
I’m trying! I’m trying!
[QUOTE=Bear_Nenno]
How on Earth do you keep everything contained with little pieces of Kleenex??
[/QUOTE]
No kidding. I need a wet-vac and a good sump pump.
[QUOTE=pizzabrat]
I just woke up a bare mattress. Crap, I meant to pull my sheets out of the laundry before going to bed. But then I don’t remember going to bed. I also don’t remember clearing the clothes I ironed off my bed either. My underwear’s on backwards. My cum towel is slung over the hallway railing - I know I didn’t put that there. But I definitely remember pulling it out. My cousin is home now, where he wasn’t before. And there’s the cup of canola oil I used, on my bookshelf, which is not where I keep it. God - there’s no chance of there being a more dignified explanation. I must have been escorted to bed after being found passed out at my computer pantless sitting on a cum towel!
Christ, I only had four beers! I took the fourth because I wanted to see if I could handle it. That answers that, I guess. I’ve never blacked out before in my life - what a way to start.
Oh well, I’m immediately over the embarassment - at least it was my male cousin of the same age who found me, and I imagine it was quite a funny sight for him. I can’t wait to ask him the details when he wakes up.
[/QUOTE]
This whole post is hilarious, can we be friends?
[QUOTE=dahfisheroo]
Probably not quite safe for work.
Boy, the things I learn on the 'Dope. Who would have thought that such things existed? And there was a market for them?
[/QUOTE]
These are obviously cheap knock-offs. You need a quality cumrag–a dependable cumrag with rainbows and unicorns… You need an 0fficial Tenacious D Cumrag (Everything else is just a cumrag.)
Canola oil? You should hook up with mangeorge. :eek:
[QUOTE=dogbutler]
Canola oil?
[/QUOTE]
Not just canola oil… a whole CUP!
Canola oil?? Messy and probably not the best for the job. Dude, just get one of the big pump-bottles of Wet Light. It is awesome. And the pump makes it so easy and non-messy! Plus it’s water soluable… big, big bonus there.
Cum rags? Kleenex? Jeez people, what you guys really need is a good old fashion cum sock. Not only can you use it in the act but it saves on the clean up. Just use it and throw it in the hamper. No fuss, no muss.
Hey, pizzabrat: coconut oil, available in stores that sell Indian food. 
Trust me, I went to a seminar on improving handjob technique about 5 years ago, no lie. 
I was gonna refer to it as a class, but seminar seems more appropriate, somehow. 
I’m just trying to help out, is all…
BTW, I’m with you on the cum towel situation, although I have no official cum towel, per se; rather, I see the wisdom of setting oneself up with a suitable piece of cloth for when the magic moment rolls over oneself. Usually, I just use a dirty dark colored shirt that I know won’t stain. Kleenex? :eek: You’ve gotta be kidding…too…too…fuzzy
As once described by a buddy of mine who was deployed. A hand towel wrapped around a surgical glove, with the glove cuff wrapped over the towel, a little lube and voila! Use and when done, take off glove and dispose. You can keep the towel.
Why am I writing this?
is everyone here circumsized? just deploy into the pinched foreskin, hold it while you regroup, then walk to the washroom, dispose, prehaps some toilet paper. viola. much less wasteful.