I always seem to have a disturbing psychological tendency to be romantically interested in women who are totally unavailable.
Now I’ve moved in with a woman who I have had a powerful crush on for the last few months, and she’s in a serious relationship with someone else. I’m not about to create an uncomfortable situation by letting her find out that I’m attracted to her, but I do fear this will make it more difficult for me to get over it.
I’m working on establishing a relationship with a mutual friend of both of ours, in the hopes that if I can get a relationship going I won’t find myself thinking about this woman I live with quite so often, but it’s tough right now because she’s on an extended out-of-town trip.
Any suggestions from the Dopers about getting over a crush?
Yea, I would say you screwed up. You are just gonna make yourself miserable. You will survive though. Just keep your mouth closed about your feeling for her and behave. Wait until she has a fight with the boyfriend. Tell her how you feel but that you respect her so much you would never think of making a move on her while she is vulnerable. That should work pretty well.
Good lord dude! Do you always like to torture youself like this? You need to get the hell out now! Keep up with other intrest though the sooner you find someone that actually digs you the sooner you’ll get that poison of of your mind. (I’m talking about you’re crush not the girl)
Also I think I’d let her know that you made a mistake moving in her becuase you’ve got a crush on her. So now you have to bail.
I say this for two reasons number one being that I’m pretty crass in thinking that MOST girls KNOW when people like you have a crush on them yet they don’t seem to care or they use it to their advantage. I’m not saying this is the case with you but if it is the case; if you telling her that you have a crush on her makes her feel uncomfortable… THAN GOOD!
And the number two reason being and obviously the more virtuous reason being; Being up front and honest is just the right thing to do. You just don’t want to bail on her and not give a reason why.
I can’t help but feel though you fall under reason number one. I hope I’m wrong for your sake.
I agree with SHAKES. Be honest and tell her then move out. What was I thinking when I posted before???
SHAKES, I noticed you are from Dallas. You coming to Lordjim’s Party. (okay I it my party too I just couldn’t figure out grammatically how to say that.) Please do. I would like to meet you.
RUN do not walk past go, do not collect $200.
You made a mistake by moving in with someone you were attracted to, yet who was unavailable and you knew this. Move out before the tension builds and you lose her as a friend
I dunno, maybe wevets is on to something here. Lord knows nothing cured me of my fascination with my ex faster than finding out what it actually was like to live with the @%#^&!
So far tension has not been a problem, which is good. Unfortunately moving is not so easy. I think this could still turn out OK, and I’m perhaps hoping for the CrazyMonkey option to turn out to be correct. What’s that saying “familiarity breeds contempt”? I’m not looking for contempt, but just a change in attitude.
I’m much more concerned about SHAKES’ point: am I being dishonest here? I think that we’ve got a good platonic relationship I don’t want to compromise.
Well, there are a lot of possibilities, here: she could know you’re attracted to her, but trust you to behave yourself. She could know you’re attracted to her and halfway hope you’ll make a move on her. She could know you’re attracted to her and just not give a damn one way or the other. She could be totally in the dark about your attraction.
As for whether or not you’re being dishonest, I think that depends on your motives for moving in with her. If you moved in hoping she’d have a fight with her guy and you’d be there at home to pick up the pieces and [ahem] console her, then yes, you’re being dishonest and dishonorable to boot. If you’re living with her because you both needed a roomie and you genuinely enjoy spending time with her as a friend and are comfortable with the fact that she was, is, and will always be only a friend, then you’re not.
In response to CrazyCatLady’s question; no, in that case I’m not being dishonest. I have no illusions about this: regardless of what happens in her current relationship, the two of us will not have a romantic relationship.
Pretty much my choices were either moving in with her, staying with my former roommate (who smoked in the common areas of the house, something I can’t stand), or moving into a larger house with 8 other roommates (there were other choices, of course, but since they involved quitting my job - housing is provided by my employer - or being homeless, I rejected them out of hand ). I think this was the best option. The only difficulty was the complication I’ve been asking about from the start.
). I think this was the best option. The only difficulty was the complication I’ve been asking about from the start.