We have a young girl (about 23 if it matters), super attractive (if it matters) here at my job. She is the front desk receptionist in a place where 97% of the employees are male. I am probably one of the only ones here who ONLY talks to her on a professional basis and other than that, rarely talk to her except for the good morning greeting or have a good night closing.
Today she walked into the lunch room with a white shirt on and a little open sweater. The problem was (if it is a problem) was you could see through her bra and the PERFECT outline and detail of her breasts and nipples. I motioned for her to close her sweater. The first time she looked at me funny and the second time closed it quickly.
About ten minutes later she asked me why I did it and I explained that her “nipple was very visible”, and she laughed.
I never talk like that to the women I work with (except in previous places where I would sleep with girls in other departments). Could what I did be mistaken for sexual harrassment? I doubt I will hear of this again, but this is the first thing that crossed my mind.
She could be a bitch about it, but more likely you embarrassed the hell out of her. It’s always breas … er… best to have another woman deliver the bad news. Protects you from a harrassment charge and her from embarrassment.
In a perfect world this would have happened, but there were about ten guys in the room, nil on the ladies. Good thing is nobody saw me gesture to her to close her sweater.
Sexual harassment? No way! What you did was very considerate. And she didn’t get mad-she laughed, so I doubt she was upset.
If you’re unsure, perhaps if this ever happened to anyone again, you might want to just say, “Well, I don’t want to embarass you, but your shirt was a bit revealing, that’s all.”
FMG, chalk this up to me being a mean ol’ lawyer, but if you are even a little concerned that she might try to spin this as you getting an eyeful and then harassing her, it might be worthwhile to mention it to your boss, in the interests of covering your ass. (“Just to let you know, here’s what happened the other day . . . [Recount episode] . . . I only mentioned it to SexyChick because I was worried she’d be embarrassed, but afterwards I worried she might have been offended that I said anything, so I thought I should mention it to you.”)
The problem with this is that the only way to bring it to your boss’s attention without sounding like a DOM (dirty old man) is to – regretfully – tattle on the girl for dressing too provocatively. IOW, you said something because you perceived that she was showing her goodies inappropriately, even if unintentionally, and that’s what prompted you to try to signal her to cover up. But between having you bring the situation to his attention in a way that puts her in a bad light but is truthful, versus having her brinng it to his attention in a way that puts you in a bad light – I’d pick having him hear your version first.
I’m not saying you necessarily want to mention it at all, and thereby make a bigger deal of it than it may in fact be, but you said you were worried about your actions being perceived as sexual harrassment, and if that is genuinely of concern to you, you would not be out of line to preemptively protect yourself.
Next time you’re by her desk, just say, in your best “aw shucks” voice, that you’re sorry if you embarrassed her or made her uncomfortable, but that your intention was to keep her from being more embarrassed later. If she seems puzzled by your motives, just say something like “Well, you’re one of the only women who works here, and with so many guys around, one of us could have said something really dumb or awkward or mean – I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
The key here is to focus the conversation in a direction that establishes that
(a) you were sensitive to her feelings, and
(b) she was not offended or embarrassed by what you said, and
(c) your intentions were good.
If you walk away from that conversation unscathed, then you can rest assured that your butt is covered. Also, if you play your cards right, she’ll come away realizing that
(a) you saw her in an embarrassing position and retained your professionalism,
(b) you are a thoughtful, considerate guy, and
(c) you like to talk about her feelings.
She’ll assume, of course, that you’re gay, and fall for you immediately.
I would be embarrassed. Not harrassed or anything, but kind of embarrassed (but I admit I’m a big weirdo :)* ).
She may have noticed the nipple thing when she put on her outfit this morning, but decided it wasn’t a big deal, that no one would notice or care. For myself personally, I don’t like when my nipples show, but if the temperature drops and they make a sudden appearance, it’s not like I’m going to hurry out of the room to cover them up. If a guy coworker perks up just at the mere sight of nipple outlines, I would feel that it would be more of his problem than mine.
When I get embarrassed, it makes me more embarrassed if someone asks if I’m embarrassed…especially if some time has passed. So I wouldn’t feel inclined to broach the topic with her, but I would continue to relate to her as you normally would.
*I’m of those people who get embarrassed whenever someone mentions anything related to my physical appearance. And that includes compliments.
I loudly second Jodi’s advice. Having spent seven years as a manager in cubicleland, I know that actions intended to be helpful or innocent can spin wildly out of control. Document, document, document – talk to your supervisor, then write yourself a memo about what you said. Hell, if it’s at all appropriate, send your supervisor a “follow-up” e-mail (but do it face to face first) just so you have documentation.
Then fuggeddabouditt – you’re a good guy and you did the right thing.
My take is you were a little out of line pointing out the visiblity of her nipples to her. Are you her protector all of a sudden, or her boss or her HR director?
IF the attire of the young ladies in your employ leave something to be desired, bring it up with management first.
Well, I have to admit that I’m sort of with Chula on this, maybe.
I’m a little confused about exactly what was going on with her shirt- was it some how hiked down so her actual breast was showing, or was it just a fitted shirt in a cold room?
If the former, by all means point out the exposed boob. But if it’s the latter - well, it seems a little…creepy to point it out. They’re her boobs, she probably knows that her shirt is fitted and isn’t too concerned about it. To point it out seems a little too paternal for my liking.
However, I’m not 23, I’m 33. If I’m wearing a fitted shirt, and my nipples are erect, I know all about it, thankyouverymuch. Granted, it’s not a look I usually choose for the office, but if a co-worker or my boss commented as you did I would find it quite patronizing.
However, maybe super hot 23 year old latina women like that sort of attention.
