Did you enjoy my Coke, you thieving shitbum?

When I left work yesterday morning, I had half a 2 liter of Coke in the kitchen fridge. And so, when I came in tonight, I only brought 1 bottle of water with me, because I thought, hey, I’ve got that Coke in there for a 2 AM caffeine boost.

Imagine my dismay, disgust, disappointment, disgruntlement, disapproval, my sheer outraged pissed-offedness when I opened the fridge and saw my Coke missing.

Hey, fucktard, did that bottle have a sign on that said, “Drink Me?” NO! And do you know why? Because it was MINE!!! It was in that fridge specifically so that I, and I alone, could have something to drink tonight! What the hell was going through your tiny little 9-volt brain? Did you go to the kitchen for the sole purpose of swiping someone else’s shit? Obviously you must have, because if you’d had anything of your own in there, you wouldn’t have needed to steal mine!

Shitferbrains. Did you not notice the security camera in the corner? It’s only been there for a year and a half. Did you forget this whole place is wired like a fucking Christmas tree? One way or another, I will find you. I will either see you on the tape pilfering other people’s consumables, or I will find you in the bathroom puking your guts out after you swipe the Mello Yello bottle I plan to piss in and place in the fridge next week.

I’m starting to get a caffeine withdrawal headache and it’s entirely your fault. Fucker. I hope you got the trots.

Please don’t put urine in the company fridge.

There are extremely distasteful and/or painful ‘spices’ that can be used to get revenge on food/drink thieves, without exposing yourself to any legal repercussions - after all, it is perfectly possible a person might prefer their sandwiches with a thick layer of sliced fresh habaneros (be sure to wear gloves and goggles) and cod liver oil.

Badtz Maru, I like the way you think.

I’m not really going to piss in a Mello Yello bottle. I don’t have a funnel. I do, however, have some leftover pizza, and some Generol Tzao’s chicken with a bunch of those thinly sliced super hot red peppers that would tuck ever so nicely under the mozzarella…hmmm…

While I do not advocate stealing someone else’s beverages, it seems to me that 2 liter sized bottles are normally considered “community property” unless otherwise labeled.

Not that that’s a good thing, but that seems to be the common assumption. Much like a bag of potato chips (one of the big bags) or a large cake, a large soda is the type of thing that you normally see at get-togethers with several people sharing the food and beverages. The presence of a non-individual-sized item in the company 'fridge automatically invokes the “this is too big for one person, so the company must have stocked the fridge for us” response. You should always put your name on something if you don’t want it stolen, but that is particularly important for “bulk” items.

A small bottle or can of soda should normally be safe. Unless the can is part of a six-pack or larger, in which case it becomes a “bulk” item, and should be labeled for safety. Also, anything in a bag (brown paper bag for greatest effect) should be safe.

Of course, in a perfect world, people wouldn’t take stuff that isn’t theirs without an explicit “eat me” label, and I’ve seen those before, when someone’'s trying to get rid of something that they didn’t want to have to take back home. However, in the real world, people either don’t think, or they’re stupid and/or assholes, and they will take your stuff, with the probability of them doing so being directly proportional to the “bulk factor” of the item in question.

One day I came into work and there was an E-mail addressed to the whole company (about 200 people over 3 shifts).

It was addressed, “To the person who stole my dinner”

It detailed how this woman had left a frozen dinner in the freezer and when she came back the next day to eat it, it was gone. It also featured a request for the return of her three dollars and an apology.

She actually got both.

I also used to work for a warehouse where food was taken all the time. We only had about 10 employees, but we had vendors coming and going all the time and it was nothing for one of them waiting in our breakroom to open up the fridge and take whatever they felt like.

Yeah, that sux. For milk my coworker ended up buying some sickly sweet hazelnut-mint-cappuchino-whatever milk that only she could stand.

For the most part we had the opposite problem, where people bring stuff and it stays there… forever!

One of the office assistants threw out a bunch of containers once. My boss said the last time she did that, he thought “Wow! Free tupperware, all I have to do is wash them out”. After he recovered, he decided he wasn’t gonna risk his health for plastic containers anymore. :smiley:

Marli–you could do what I heard somebody else doing. Make a chocolate cake with Ex-Lax and put in the fridge, labeled ‘eat me’. See who bites and ends up running to the bathroom and you have your soda theif. :smiley:

Ah, but if it’s labeled, everyone would eat it.

Our work fridge is pretty safe, but anything left out on the table is up for grabs, unless it’s by someone’s desk.

Huh? Isn’t it okay to eat food labeled eat me? It is the unlabled food that you aren’t suppose to eat.

Did that bottle have a sign on that said "Marlitharn?"

You’ve obviously never had room-mates. You don’t want someone to take your shit, label it! That may not work, but at least you’re making an effort to show ownership.
It ain’t labeled? Fuck you, Sparky–it’s up for grabs.

labels labels labels

I had a co-worker once swipe a tiny box of Boston Baked Beans candy off another co-workers desk. When she was eventually found out and confronted, she defended herself thusly:

“What’s the big deal? I left you a quarter for them!”

There are many folks out there who have NO manners whatsoever. Sorry your Coke got swiped. Thats just WRONG to mess with another man’s caffeine.

There really is no punishment suitable when someone steals your Coke.

My parents went on vacation. I was stopping by their house every day to make sure things were okay, and one day I dropped off a couple of Cokes, figuring hubby and I would come over the next day and hang out.

Next day, we get there and there are no Cokes. My brother had stopped by and swiped both Cokes.

Once he recovers from the Gypsy curse I’ve put on him, maybe he’ll apologize.


“Please return my Coke. I was saving it for a lab expirement”

-signed Typhoid Mary

Seriously, I hate office thieves.

Syrup of Epicac.

You can buy it in any drugstore or Wal-Mart in the infant’s aisle. The next time you bring food or drinks into work to be stored in the company fridge, “flavor” some of it with the epicac and I guarantee you it will keep any thief’s gag reflex working until the cow(-rker)s come home.
:smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

That’s good stuff right there.

Maybe with room-mates this is true. In the workplace things are just a tad different. You didn’t pay for it? Keep your fucking hands off of it! Otherwise, consider yourself a thief and an asshole.

That was the case the time I took something that wasn’t mine out of the office freezer. Someone had bought a box of cheap-o ice cream sandwiches and left them in the freezer for at least a month. I finally ate one, figuring they had been abandoned. The entire box was gone the next day.

I usually ask my employees if it’s an individual’s or community item, and I’m the employer!

It’s all about respect, IMO…

My workplace recently sent out a memo deriding people who have apparently been stealing people’s lunches out of the lounge refrigerator. I had trouble believing that people could actually eat other people’s food that they had quite obviously brought to eat themselves.

I went to nice homestyle restaurant one time that is usually so busy that I don’t go there very often at all. I ordered chicken fried steak, and the damn thing was HUGE. Must’ve weighed 5 lbs. It was wonderful, though. I took the leftovers home, and put them in the refrigerator when I got there at something like 11 p.m. I wake up in the morning and the whole fucking thing was gone! I wanted that for lunch! Badly! I find out that my brother apparently was in the habit of eating a 6th meal at 2:00 in the fucking morning, and swiped my leftovers. I was pissed, so I got him back by telling him that he shouldn’t have eaten that. I said I had put it in the trunk of the car, and when I got home the box had popped open and the steak (covered with gravy) had been rolling around loose in the trunk and that I was only saving it to give to the dog. I think that taught him a lesson.

How is it different? Two or more people, right? A fridge? Food and/or drink that isn’t labeled?
Same thing. Different venue, but the same thing. If you want people to know it’s yours, you label it. No matter where you are.

[sub] I’m not saying that what happened is the OP’s fault. None of that victim-blaming shit here. But it could possibly have been avoided.[/sub]