Joing your local high school’s wrestling team. (Yeah, not really possible if you’re not in the high school, but hey, you did say imaginative.)
I wrestled my freshmen year of high school, and I could lose 4-5 pounds in a three hour practice. I shit you not. Most of that weight was water, but let me guarentee that my average weight dropped during the season. I was around 5 foot 5 then, normal weight about 110 lb. I got down to 101 lb. at one point during the practice, and I’m a skinny guy to beging with.
Also, people don’t seem to realize how fluxtuating weight is. If you weight yourself when you get up in the morning, you’ll be at least a pound less, maybe two or three, than you are after eating a meal.
Which is why I always, always weigh myself first thing in the morning.
Sorry to have to declare myself a member of the Boring Brigade, but I’ll put my hand up here for the effectiveness of the “eat sensibly/exercise” lifestyle.
I’ve lost 40+ pounds this year, and am now almost at my goal. I fully expect it to take MONTHS longer to lose that final 10 or so pounds, though when I say ‘lose’ I really mean ‘tone away into nothingness’ – it may well just turn to muscle instead, which of course weighs more. I use the scales only as a means of monitoring what’s going on. The real measure of success is your dress size.
Your body goes through plateau periods where it stays at its current weight no matter what you do. Be patient and keep at it, and eventually you’ll see the results you want. The trick is to find exercise that you really enjoy, so that you do it for its own sake rather than just to lose weight. I hate working out in gyms, and so probably wouldn’t keep at it if that were my only option. But I’ve found that I love yoga, and squash, and most outdoorsy things like bicycling and running. Now if I don’t do some sort of intensive workout 3-4 times a week, I feel all sluggish and icky.
Not to rain on your diet parade, but if you actually pursue some of the inventive schemes in this thread, you’ll just gain it all back, you know. Which do you want – a gorgeous body forever, or a quick fix that’ll go away in a month or two?
magdelene’s got the right idea. Coffee, cigarrettes, and one meal a day will have you looking thinner in no time. Remember, “caffiene” and “nicotine” both rhyme with “lean”. And if it rhymes, it’s a participant in a scientifically provable causal relationship, as any man of logic will tell you.
Eat bad food on an airplane on the way home from Prague. Get a nasty bacterial infection that gives you a massive case of the trots for a week. As soon as you put anything in your stomach, about ten minutes later you’re in the bathroom. Hardly anything gets absorbed, so you get maybe 10% of the calories you consume. Not to mention a possible case of dehydration. You’ll be down 5 or 10 pounds in no time.
Oh, I forgot: To what do you refer in the thread subject, Eve? I’m assuming it has nothing to do with anything with which I’d associate it, since the idea of Eve quoting the Misfits would surely warp my fragile little mind. At least I think it was the Misfits who did that song…
Most people don’t realize that clothing was invented to save calories. Think about it. Clothes keep you warm, so you lose less body heat. Since you lose less heat, you don’t have to produce as much heat to maintain a normal body temperature. How do you produce heat? By burning calories. Therefore, wearing clothing mean burning less calories. If you stop wearing clothes, you could burn up to twice as many calories (people in “unclothed” cultures burn about twice the calories as those in “clothed” cultures). So Eve, for your own sake, spend as much time naked as you possibly can. You’ll thank me when the pounds begin to melt off.
Another route you could take is to almost completely stop eating. Live entirely on psyllium fiber (or something similar), and lean meat.
I recall that one study stated that “boisterous sex” (I’m not kidding; that’s what they called it) burns more calories than any other activity. If you want to lose weight, frequent boisterous sex could be just what the doctor ordered.
The best thing about these plans is that you can use all three simultaneously. Come to think of it, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself. I’d be happy help you get started on this diet (especially points one and three!) ;).
Eve, baby, I thought I was your eboyfriend. Why don’t you come to me with this?
You’re being pound wise and penny foolish, and it’s those little leaks that sink battleships. You have to shed weight anywhere you can. Wear lighter clothes, get a haircut, contacts instead of glasses, breathe helium. These little things add up.
Seriously DON’T eat less. Eat right. Solid meals; cut the refined sugar snacks. Eat a lot if you want, just make sure you burn it off with exercise. Food and exercise should always be increased and lowered in tandem, and really, what you want to lose is not weight per se, but body fat, right? So you gotta exercise more. Sorry. What’s your regimen now? I’d be happy to show you a few new “exercises”
Ooooh, at last APB9999 has shown up with some Interesting Ideas.
I hardly ate a damn thing all weekend, which does have the benefit of giving me dizzy spells. I always find dizzy spells provide a nice break in the workday; kind of like a miniature vacation.
But I am rather peckish . . . APB, darling peel me a grape.
Among the more recent suggestions, Eve has been advised to take off her clothes, wrestle with teenage boys, visit an S&M club, and have lots of boisterous sex.
Are we still talking weight loss here or did I miss a turn in the direction of this thread? Because this is sounding less like “help Eve with diet tips” and more like “help Eve make plans for the weekend.”
Nemo, I am going to be in New Orleans next week. I strongly suspect that taking off my clothes, wrestling with teenage boys, visiting an S&M club, and having lots of boisterous sex will be the LEAST of it.
In honor of your trip to New Orleans, Eve, you must forego the diet and visit Central Grocery and eat a mufalata (a sort of Italian/Greek sandwich that is really tasty. The atmosphere in Central Grocery is also worth the trip. A little bit of NYC right in NO.) It will also give you all the strength you’ll need for wrestling naked boys in any number of the S&M clubs I know you’ll be visiting.
Eve, sweetness, you can NOT diet in New Orleans. It’s like going to Florence and swearing off art. It’s like going to Greece and avoiding those crumbling ruins. It’s like going on safari in Africa and avoiding all those smelly animals. You must eat, eat, eat.
Start running. Do you run now? Start with two miles, every other day. Avoid the treadmill; go outside, it’s easier.
(Incidentally, if you want to take your clothes off and go to an S&M club, let me know.)
In that case, Eve, all I can tell you is don’t settle for one of those touristy nude S&M teenage boy wrestling sex clubs. Tell your friends you want to visit a nude S&M teenage boy wrestling sex club that the locals go to.
