I had a girlfriend who would tell me to talk nasty to her. It really was sort of bittersweet, because I was turned on by the fact that she was turned on by that, but I was completely unable to do it the way she wanted. I had no experience in that arena and just didn’t know what to say. So I’d end up losing interest in what I was doing, or what she was doing to me, because I was wracked with panic over what to say and to be just nasty enough to make her happy but not so nasty to completely ruin it for both of us.
My husband and I have been together off and on for just over 20 years. We are pretty compatible, and our amorous exchanges aren’t really what I’d call dirty.
Exactly 2 times I’ve been carried away in the moment enough to spontaneously blurt something truly raunchy. Both times he misheard me, and it brought the action to a halt.
Patton Oswalt talks about G rated filth “i’m gonna fill your hoohah with goof juice” and how it’s far creepier than actual filth.
I don’t know if I’d consider “what the other person would like to do next” to be dirty talk. We do that, and I think of it like a simple request, no different than asking for a particular cheese on your burger at dinner. My SO would agree with you, though. He’ll ask me if something feels good or if I like whatever it is he’s doing and I think it’s distracting.
Am I moaning? Am I squirming around? Yes? Then I like it. He just wants me to SAY it, for whatever reason.
That reminds me of a story. A few years ago, one of my friends heard, coming from her neighbor’s house, the sounds of smacking and verbal abuse. She called the police, who came and also heard what was going on, and entered the neighbor’s house, expecting to find someone getting their ass kicked. It was a man, smacking his own thigh, verbally abusing himself, and whacking off.
Years ago I was lying in bed with my then-GF, and we heard the sounds of the woman next door screaming and moaning. GF got distressed and wondered if she was getting beaten up. She thought maybe we should call the police or at least knock on her door. I suggested that it didn’t sound like she was in pain – quite the opposite, in fact – and that she might prefer some privacy.
Love it. Good sex is all about feeling really comfortable and uninhibited. Nothing kills the mood like someone who gets offended/embarrassed/annoyed by something you do or say during sex thus forcing it into a more inhibited experience. I don’t want to walk on eggshells with a partner because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and getting judged harshly for it while I’m in the middle of fucking her brains out.
Never really tried it in practice, but I can think of fewer things unsexier in porn than some chick hamming it up with stock “dirty talk” phrases… particularly when delivered in that execrable mallrat accent.
Re: all this “you’re a dirty slut” business – I hate this kind of thing. Aren’t we both enjoying what’s going on? But I’m the dirty slut for some reason. While you’re…what? Just a guy, apparently. That’s bullshit. Either both of us are dirty sluts or none of us is, and I’m choosing the latter.
But I have a big problem with gendered insults in general, so they’re not anything I want to hear during what is otherwise a happy fun time.
Hate it. At best it would make me laugh (I say “would” because my spouse doesn’t do it), and at worst I’d be disgusted. And it’s a good thing I’m married to a guy who doesn’t like it either, because I couldn’t force myself to do it.
