Now, before this goes into some weird **VC03 **territory, let me be clear here that I’m asking a question, and it’s a real *question *about whether or not my very limited personal experience is shared by other people, and if so, if anyone has any ideas or information about how it might have developed.
But, long story short, I’ve been in intimate relationships with four black men in my life, and…well…more white men. Every single one of the black men was really into the dirty talk - both doing it and hearing it. And not only in the bedroom, but whispering into my ear really graphic sexual things they wanted to do to me while I’m trying to hold a conversation with another person, calling me on the phone for phone sex, that sort of thing.
While I’ve had one or two white guys who liked dirty talk, it was never so much, so frequently or so…well, detailed. And it was only for special occasions, when the mood was just right, not all the time.
So, am I a freak who attracts dirty mouthed black men while the non-dirty talk ones aren’t interested in me, and vice-versa for white men? Or is there a real cultural difference in how boys are taught to relate to women sexually here?
(Yeah, I’m seeing a dirty talkin’ black man now, which is why I’ve been thinking about this.)
I don’t know if we do it more but I’m a black (gay) man who likes to talk dirty and to hear dirty talk. Of all the black men I’ve dated, I would say about 1/2 talked dirty and about that many enjoyed hearing it. Of the men I dated who weren’t black (fewer for any other race), it would probably work out to slightly less.
And, no, I don’t see you as a VCO3; you have a better track record in general here and, since you actually date and have sex with black men, you know fine with you see it.
:eek: Iv’e got to start dating black guys again (currently my SO is so white he’s almost see through)
I love it when a guy talks dirty. I’m going to go out on limb here and say a lot of woman would like to have their men be more …articulate.
But in my experience black guys arn’t much better than white guys. At best they go all Barry White on you (ohhh, baby…). Not that interesting. I’ve have very interesting dirty talk online, but once they’re there they shut the fuck up. For god sake, talk to us, we like it!
I’m white (sort of) and I despise dirty talk. Instant turnoff. Makes me go soft. Bad news. Language is for communicating, not for faking pleasure.
Not all dirty talk, I mean. It’s nice during foreplay or when you’re trying to hold a conversation ( ), etc., and I’ve even had phone sex and enjoyed that. But that “tell me what you’re feeling! tell me if you like it! say ‘yes’ a bunch of times! why aren’t you talking about it?” stuff is an effective debonerizer for me. I don’t want to talk about it, I want to do it. (It’s an instant turnoff in porn, too.)
Much like you experienced, the black guys I’ve been with really love dirty talk- particularly in public. I have had many a dirty things whispered in my ear in public, but never by any of my white boyfriends.
Actually, presently there is a guy in one of my classes who keeps trying to get me to sleep with him. He’s black, it so happens. He can obviously tell I’m not offended by his advances, but I usually respond by laughing and pulling away from him. That said, he’s taken to grabbing me (literally) as soon as we’re out of ear shot from our classmates and growling things into my ear like: “I’m serious. Tell me when and I’m going to tear that shit up raw. I’ll make you explode. Let me know when and I’m going to fuck you better than you’ve ever been fucked.” Followed up each day in class with him looking at me and whispering, “Let me know” or things like that.
Come to think of it, I should totally sleep with him. That’d be hot. Wait, that’s not the point of this thread.
Though I will say, I had one white boyfriend (only one, out of like. . .4 or 5) who REALLY loved dirty talk in the bedroom or through texts. He was the only one though; the others always would turn bright red or say it wasn’t lady like for me to say things like that shrug. Oh well, I like it.
I’m a white guy, I like the dirty talk but I’ve only done it with women of whom I’ve had a “one night stand” or casual relationship.
Never actually done it with a serious GF.
Well maybe a little but it was all very PG-13 stuff. Hardly worth mentioning.
On the flip side I’ve only been with one black girl. She liked the dirty talk. With out going into graphic detail she would refer to herself as Black and certain body parts of herself as black.
At the time it was an incredible turn on but then after the fact I got a little freaked out over myself and asked her please not to do that any more.
I’d wager a lot of white guys just don’t have the confidence to say such a thing in public. Honestly, I can barely ask for a phone number, much less give the line above. Now I know what to open with with. I bow to those who can whip that line out, may he be mumified with a gold plate on his dong.
When I was in high school, I had a black guy do something similar (but much less explicit) after I’d offhandedly remarked that he was a ‘‘cutie’’ in some comment I’d written. I hadn’t meant it at all as a come on, just a simple statement of fact, but damn… that was hot.
Ya’ll are making me wish I’d dated more black men.
My husband is white as can be (Italiano flavored, though) and can barely get out the word ‘‘vagina.’’ So perhaps your theory holds.
That depends on how good his follow-up is. In my (limited) experience with dirty-talking Black men (limited to, oh . . . one, though two other women who’d slept with him recounted similar experiences), the “promise” wasn’t really fulfilled.
See, that would freak me the hell out. Not sure why, maybe it just feels too aggressive or something. Makes me uncomfortable. Deep in my mind there would be thoughts of “one of these days he might stop asking”.
I suppose it would depend on the underlying relationship - but even then, if my boyfriend tried something like that, I’d feel strange about it. I like a good fuck as much as anyone, but having my “shit” torn up “raw”? Um… no thanks.
(White girl, never cared too much for the nasty talk.)
Touches the doorknob of the thread to check for flames.
Whew.
Thanks! I appreciate fine in its infinite shades and shapes.
That’s EXACTLY what I’m talkin’ about! Actually, a little less explicit even, but I’m so not comfortable sharing a more explicit example! And, like you, my most common reaction is to pull away and laugh nervously. I mean, seriously, what do you say to that?!
**hands **Diosabellisima a condom
Oh, wait.
**hands **Diosabellisima a 12 pack of condoms
Hit it, girl!
I was discussing this with my (very white) husband last night* and he wondered if it was a symptom/reflection/cause of the explicit lyrics in “Urban”** music. If, indeed, it’s a cultural teaching that attracting a woman is done through dirty talk, and black and black-influenced musicians are merely recording their wooing techniques - and through that, teaching another generation that women are attracted to explicit words.
(Then again, my husband’s a bit of a performance geek. If he can turn any art into a sociopolitical statement, he will.)
*heh, bet I just made some noob’s head explode
**have they gotten rid of that stupid euphemism yet?
Maybe what the ladies are responding to is, at bottom (snerk), classic archetypal man talk…commanding, controlling, passionate without the cloying scent of romance. They know they won’t be treated like delicate flowers, but they know, deep down, that they won’t be left bruised and sobbing either.
My tastes run rather strongly towards innocently naughty. Dirty is nearly always a turnoff, especially the form of it that tastes all contemptuous and angry and shot through with disgust, if you know what I mean.
Mostly dirty-talk reminds me of misbehaving 3rd graders acting out.
I bow to those who can whip that line out, may he be mumified with a gold plate on his dong.
:dubious: