The thing that is bugging me about this discussion is not whether the OP should celebrate his birthday or whether his friends should give him presents or whether birthday celebrations/acknowledgments are crap or not.
It’s those posters who are telling him he is a big baby for having FEELINGS, because FEELINGS (especially **HURT **feelings) are reserved only for women and children. Kind of like the spaces in the lifeboat, I guess. I’ve been involved with men who won’t let themselves have their feelings (good and bad), and usually they’re 1) very immature (since mature people know that human feelings are both permissible and attractive), or 2) buttoned up tight and not much fun.
Yeah, you should take responsibility for making sure you have fun on your b-day and not leave it up to others. And yeah, it’s okay for a big, strong, mature, smart, capable, adult male to want to celebrate his birthday. (The little boy in him is where the charm is, anyway, not the oh-so-sophisticated-feelings-are-just-for-girls Cool Guy.)
And yeah, being without an SO (as I am, too) makes those once-special occasions difficult. (My late H used to observe not only my birthday, but my half-birthday, which was something they did in his family growing up. It’s the day that’s six months from your birthday. One time he went to the bakery and got me half a round cake with “Hap Bir” written on it on two different lines, as though it had been cut in half. You miss that kind of thing…)
So cut this guy some slack and stop scolding and shaming him! (You know who you are.)
OP also mentioned recently that he’s had to give up his dog, and take it back to the pound. Now THAT’S distressing! We all know what happens to MOST dogs that get taken to the pound, and it AIN’T pretty! I’d be awfully bummed out too.
Thanks all for the kind words, the support, and the criticisms. I am glad to hear opinions from all sides, including those saying grow up and don’t act like a baby
I should be very thankful that I got calls from both of my parents who I’m lucky to have in my life. I ended up getting a birthday card from my grandma and grandpa who I’m VERY lucky to still have in my life (grandpa is over 90, grandma in mid 80’s). And I had a fun time out with my friends both at the play, and then again last night where the 2 great friends made me a FANTASTIC dinner and a birthday cake unlike anything I’ve ever had before and it was also PHENOMENAL.
So all in all, I had a really great birthday. Really! I think I have very little to feel disappointed about in retrospect.
As I mentioned earlier, and as others have recently pointed out, I am (sort of recently) single again, and 2 years ago on my birthday was when I told my then boyfriend that I loved him for the first time, and he said it back. So it was kind of a special day and a wonderful birthday just because I had found someone really special. Last year I had this amazing big party that he and my sister threw for me, where lots of people showed up with presents and I had an amazing time. This year I knew the onus was on me to make my birthday as good as I could, and I did have a fun time, and I have 2 very special friends who also made it amazing.
When I was over with those 2 friends I keep mentioning, I brought it up to them and asked them what they thought about my sister and other friends not doing anything. They were similarly dissapointed and agreed that they should have at least got a card or something small considering what I did. Or maybe they thought “wow Drew needs to grow up!” and were just being nice and conciliatory, but anyhow. I’m not going to bring it up to anyone else because honestly it’s not bothering me anymore and it shouldn’t have really bothered me in the first place. I’m just lucky to be alive and to have all my friends and family wish me a happy birthday
On my birthday I expect dinner and cake and my husband knows this. As long as I get that I am happy. Anything else from anyone else is just a bonus. Me and my bff usually exchange gifts because our birthdays are so close and my parents send me a card with cash or check for a few bucks. This year since I am pregnant I told people that I honestly didn’t want anything for myslef but if they did want to get something I had some baby items I needed and gift cards were always welcome.
After seeing that thread I’m going to take back and apologize for what I said re sucking it up and getting on with your adult man’s life. The OP is a gay man and in this specific context that does make a difference in this particular circumstance. I’m not going to delve into the whys or wherefores, but I have observed over time that birthdays are often very important occasions to gay men and are a big deal in gay social circles, and feeling you got left out by your friends is understandable.
Happy belated birthday, drew. I’m sorry things have been so rough for you lately and your birthday didn’t turn out like you wished, but I hope the upcoming year is a good one and everything starts looking up.
Thing is, I don’t really need all these excuses to go out and have a good time or celebrate. Don’t get me wrong, I love traditional Christmas, Thanksgiving and a few others, but when you’re an adult, the reality is these holidays turn out to be far more stressful than enjoyable… At least at this point in my life with my particular family dynamics.
I think we tend cling to our childhood feelings over these events, overall, and I’ll be the first to raise a glass to your birthday, but unless your my wife or kids, I wouldn’t expect much more than a lunch or dinner on me, or an iTunes gift card. My life has become almost paralyzingly busy.
I mean, Is it just me or is everybody making a bigger deal out if these sort of things than we did even 30 years ago?
I’ve had to attend “graduation” ceremonies or parties for every year both of my kids passed from each of their elementary grades. I love my kids to death, but seriously… WTF?
So…you don’t want to be that shallow, you know it sounds petty, you’re aware that this is about expectations, and you’d never be one to keep score, but…
Unless you’re keeping score, you couldn’t possibly have written such a clearly petty and shallow post. If you really did understand it’s wrong to ‘expect’ others to celebrate you, this wouldn’t be happening, don’t ya think?
I am reminded of those irritating types who announce their bad manners, as though that excuses them. “I know it’s rude but…”
Yuck!
Do you have any idea how many people you walk by every day, who lead lives of quiet desperation, without friends, to Facebook and see plays with? Your life seems littered with friends you are close to, close enough to publicly harsh for failing to celebrate you up to your expectations.
Go put on some big girl panties, you’ve earned them!
I actually do that quite a bit. The idea is that if you don’t start out opening with a, “I know it’s rude but,” prefix, then whoever this “rude” person is targeting can get very surprised and it seems more unexpected. However, warning them of “it will be rude” makes it less of a surprise so the reaction isn’t quite as negative.
Actually, he’s going through a very emotional period right now. He has just lost a lover a few weeks (I think) ago and is in a serious heartbreak. On top of that, he’s lost a dog too.
The OP is a male, so unless you were unaware of that, this kind of seems rude.
Ow drewtwo, I know! I’m The Organiser of Birthdays for my circle of friends, so mine just gets forgotten. It doesn’t help that it’s the 30th of December. My last birthday I got a few vague promises of future gifts from the people I was with. And my granny gave me her bird feeder.
The worst thing is how, on the whole you don’t really mind, but the minute you do care just a tiny bit you immediately spiral into a ridiculous circle of self-loathing for being so petty and immature and materialistic and ungrateful. Which only makes it worse.
But now, open your card:
Dear Drewtwo99,
[SIZE=“4”]Hipy Papy Bthuthdth Thuthda Bthuthdy.[/SIZE] (Pooh looked on admiringly. "I’m just saying ‘A Happy Birthday,’ said Owl carelessly.)
Hope your year becomes brighter than you feel today!
I don’t know if it’s a bigger deal, but technology sure makes it harder to forget birthdays. My insurance agent, who I met for five minutes a billion years ago, sends me an automatic email on my birthday every year. I was floored when a Doper once wished me a happy birthday. I’m not on Facebook, but I imagine that “friending” someone enables people to see when your birthday is.
I could see how this amplifies the importance of birthdays in general. But I also can see how technology gives people an “out” when the day rolls around. What’s easier? Sending a card through snail mail? Or sending a text?
Drew, next year just cut through the bullshit and tell everybody how important your birthday is and how important is to celebrate it. If you get stiffed after telling them then you got every right to be pissed off…and to find new friends…
I have a Facebook account that I have only ever signed into once. It gave me two warnings (vis email) of my friend’s upcoming birthday. So you don’t even need to be a “friend.” He might have actively caused Facebook to send me those reminders, I don’t know.
Like you, my insurance agent, the dealer I bought a car from last year and that real estate agent I talked to once all email me or send a card on my birthday. Who needs friends?
Birthdays are bullshit. And yours sounded nice. This year I had to call my father and mother:
“Hi father…”
“Hi son.”
Long pause.
“… It’s my birthday!”
“Oh… Happy birthday son. How old are you now? 25?”
“No… I’m 24…”
The only one that gratulated me on his own accord was a friend. He was also the only one who gave me a gift… A bottle of wine he’d mostly finished all by his own.
I often feel that the Jehovah’s Witnesses – most of whose ideas I find, well, odd – are perhaps onto something, in their doctrine / rule of having nothing to do with birthdays, or the celebrating thereof. They see the whole birthday thing as tending greatly to promote the baser and less positive human traits – self-centredness, jealousy, greed, spite, hypersensitivity, competitiveness of a negative kind – and as leading to overall more misery, than happiness or goodwill.
Perhaps there might be something to be said for just ignoring birthdays – everyone’s, across the board?
This year my birthday fell ona day when we had an off-site for work. It was pretty intense, with meetings nonstop for 12 hours, and a lot of arguing. My Bosses’ Boss did remember, and commented on how it sucked to have to go through this on your birthday. Whle I was in there, my dad called and left a very nice birthday message on my phone.
We had left-over cake from Celtlings birthday, so that night we stuck a candle in that and she sang for me while I blew it out. (This is not a sob story, I enjoyed that immensely and it was all I would have asked for. Plus it was incredibly good cake.)
