My husband watched a season and was completely convinced he wanted to go on the show. This is a man who gets freaked out by missing an exit on the freeway and who refuses to drive in traffic. Yeah, honey, I can see that working out.
[QUOTE=BiblioCat]
I used to think I wanted to go on TAR with rockle, because she’d be a lot of fun and would make me a sparkly BeDazzled shirt, but now I pick ScubaBen because he knows all the rules and would kick ass.
Hey, I can drive a stick and read a map and I’m willing to do the scary stuff (I think he is, too) and I’ll eat any weird food that isn’t kosher.
Plus, if we went up against jayjay and supervenusfreak in footrace, we’d win. 
[/QUOTE]
You shut your dirty mouth. I am the only partner you may have. What do you need to hang around with those Amish boys fer? Or Ben? He’s too reasonable. Rockle will cut you if you even lookit Phil. I will let it slide, for I know where you live.
[QUOTE=rockle]
[ol]
[li]Do. Not. Ever. Touch. Phil. EVER! Or a whole bunch of us out here will cut you.[/li][/ol]
[/QUOTE]
See, I rarely notice names unless something catches my eye. The above said ROCKLE. I didn’t need to look. I just hit ‘reply’ and lo and behold… 
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth]
You shut your dirty mouth. I am the only partner you may have. What do you need to hang around with those Amish boys fer? Or Ben? He’s too reasonable. Rockle will cut you if you even lookit Phil. I will let it slide, for I know where you live.
[/QUOTE]
This is too good – we haven’t even made it on the show yet, and already we’re bickering for the audience!
So let’s add another tip: Play up the drama, and give the audience a reason to remember you. If you survive the first episode, that is.
[QUOTE=Scuba_Ben]
BiblioCat, you’ve got a deal.
I also drive stick and can navigate with a map, and I can do my share of the scary stuff – but please Og, nothing involving great heights!
[/QUOTE]
I can do great heights. I rode on the Sling Shot ride in Ocean City (like a reverse bungee jump), I climbed a 105-foot aerial ladder in Firefighter 1 class, and climbed to the fourth floor on an extention ladder and went in a window (in full gear with an air bottle on my back - 50 extra pounds). Scared of heights? Not me!
[QUOTE=Draelin]
I think we’d do okay, except for the part where we get to the mat and try to get Phil to say “Chinchilla”.
[/quote]
Oh lord, I can totally hear Phil in my head saying that. “Chin-chillaaah” with that delightful flat A of his.
Team Dazzle comes to mind. But just remember you’re not allowed to try to nickname your own team. That hasn’t worked for anyone after Team Guido.
And especially didn’t work for “Mojo”…
Or the disastrously un-karmic “six-pack.”
Fah. Forget all those wussy rules. There is One Rule: learn the names and preferred sacrifices of every deity and then make offerings to all of them in asking that you get only cabs with full tanks and sound tires driven by cabbies who know their entire countries by heart.
God does not care who wins reality TV shows. God Is In The Tub.
It doesn’t stop the oh-so-pious teams from thinking God cares who wins.
“Dear God, please help us win this leg. Oh, and while you’re at it, please smite the Hell out of those other teams. Thanks.”
[QUOTE=BiblioCat]
It doesn’t stop the oh-so-pious teams from thinking God cares who wins.
“Dear God, please help us win this leg. Oh, and while you’re at it, please smite the Hell out of those other teams. Thanks.”
[/QUOTE]
I promise, we will not be a pious team. We will be the salty old bitches. They’ve never had a team of salty old bitches who swear like wounded pirates, and I think now is the time.
Well, we certainly wouldn’t be calling God out of the bath. Og, on the other hand…
Jayjay, you guys can go on the angle of being the only gay athiestic Amish. That’d be awesome.
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth]
I We will be the salty old bitches. They’ve never had a team of salty old bitches who swear like wounded pirates, and I think now is the time.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, we’d be a great team. Every other goddamn word would have to be fucking bleeped out. 
And praying for the other teams to be smited would be great TV. At least, I think it would be great TV.
I add:
Stack of $1 bills
Ziplock baggie into which you put the clue and/or map before you jump into the water
Nah, our hook would be the 500 pounds we’d collectively lost. I’m not really Amish (I’m originally from Hillrat Country in west-central PA) and he’s not an atheist, so that’s out. And the whole gay thing is old on TAR, anyway. Has there been a season that didn’t have at least one gay Racer?
Season 5, Season 6 and The Family Edition had no known gay Racers.
[QUOTE=Otto]
Season 5, Season 6 and The Family Edition had no known gay Racers.
[/QUOTE]
Oh, please! Rolly Weaver is going to be arrested in a park restroom someday in the next 10 years for stall-crawling, I’m pretty sure, even if only as a rebellion against his cultleader…er, mother.
I did say no known gay Racers. Although, honestly, I almost made a comment nearly identical to yours about Rolly.
[QUOTE=Shoshana]
Stack of $1 bills
Ziplock baggie into which you put the clue and/or map before you jump into the water
[/QUOTE]
The stack of $1s is good – but you’re limited to cash provided by (or earned during) the race. If you can save up several singles, you’re good.
A supply of Ziplock baggies is a very good idea. I heartily endorse this product or service.
BilbioCat: You went on the Sling Shot?! I’m impressed!
I’ve got the Traveler’s Prayer handy. It says plenty about “Give us a good trip.” I’d have to work up some text for “And please delay all the other teams.”