Well maybe standing is an exaggeration. It’s like a half squat. Plenty of opportunity to spread the old asscheeks.
I just… So do you reach behind yourself to wipe?
I was always taught front to back.
Yes, i reach behind myself. I reach past the relevant parts, place the paper and pull back, wiping front to back. I never reach close to the forebits when wiping the back.
(If I’ve also peed, that’s a separate piece of paper. Don’t cross the midline.)
Yup. And the piss paper is first; then the shit paper.
Ok, what the hell. I’ll try it that way next time.
Wipe your butt while standing? Ewwwwww! While sitting on the throne, one should lean to one side or the other, and use the other side hand to wipe the tush with toilet paper, then use a baby wipe.
Also, it’s disgusting to use a urinal thanks to the infamous splashback. Park your carcass to do your business, and wipe the tip off with a baby wipe.
Ah, the Perineal DMZ.
mmm
Damn right.
Also known as how to break one of the toilet seat hinges. My grandmother was morbidly obese and did this quite often. My parents had to buy a new toilet seat after my morbidly obese grandmother would visit.
I’ll continue with my half squat, thank you. And I won’t be using a baby wipe. They are not flushable and I don’t want them sitting in the bathroom trash.
I am only moderately obese, have been doing this all my life, and have never broken a toilet seat hinge; or any other portion of the toilet, for that matter.
If your grandmother was that heavy, I suspect she’d have had trouble using the half squat method. (I can use either, but find the sit-and-raise-one-haunch method both easier and more effective.)
Ditto. I don’t think of toilets as fragile implements that need to be babied and protected. (And i HAVE broken a chair by leaning back in it.)
This is how I know most of the male teachers and staff down in my area of campus are right-handed. The cheap plastic seat on the toilet in the Faculty Mens Room flexes to the right, meaning all of us lean on the left cheek and use our right hands to wipe. If they had installed a substantial seat, this never would be an issue.
In the list of Granny’s recipes, you forgot Pickled Crow Gizzards!
This, exactly.
Hoppin’ John is the first thing to eat on New Year’s Day in New Orleans. My friend made it so hot that it would scare the hangover right out of you.
As for Granny’s recipes, I’ve tried most of them but never had smoked crawdads. That sounds delicious!
Smoked crawdads are probably awesome. I’ve certainly had crawfish before but it would never occur to me to smoke them.
I’ve stood on the summit of Haleakala (10,023 ft), and Mount Hamilton (4,265 feet).
‘mountain’ seems a bit vague if both of those are included
Pic Paradise is the top of the mountain in the interior of St Martin. My first time on the island my gf convinced me to do the hike. Sea level to 1391 feet doesn’t seem like much, but there are occasional heart attacks. It’s a tropical forest ecosystem and probably the most strenuous activity I ever do. The hike takes a couple hours, including sections where you have to really climb.
One year we were told to beware of the snails. We smiled and assured them we would. Well, on our return we found a mass migration of snails going on. Each step smashed at least one, and the trail was slick with mucous. It was like walking on ice.
So when you are gifted the degrees do you magically get the knowledge with it? Or do you just get the paper?
And grandma can take her recipes to the grave.
That’s what I want to know. If all I get is the paper, I don’t want any of them. (And if I get the knowledge, I’d have to look a few of them up first to decide.)
And if all I get is the money to enroll, I’m really not interested in any of them.