Votes matter, campaign rallies don’t.
Anyway, here is my “livestream” thread for continuing discussion about this:
Re: dishes. I rank the options as:
1 - Offer to help with the washing up.
2 - Kids do the washing up. They’re not going to care about the adults’ conversation.
3 - Washing up waits until after.
I voted that the host does the dishes. If I’m hosting you, I don’t want you to feel you have any obligation to help. You are my guest and I am your host. When the shoe is on the other foot, however, I always offer. I don’t insist, and I take ‘no’ for an answer.
Most of the dinner parties I host end up being jam sessions after the meal, so the washing up always gets put off until after the guests leave. Offers are appreciated but unnecessary so we can get to the music.
When I’m a guest I always offer to help but it’s rarely accepted, so I don’t insist.
Gee, it varies.
Is this Thanksgiving or Passover? Unless you are my SIL, sure, offer to help, and we may give you something to do.
Is this a houseguest? Quietly doing some dishes if they are sitting out (but not trying to put stuff away) is certainly appreciated.
Is this a potluck in my back yard? Helping to carry stuff in and out of always welcome. Feel free to clean your own dishes (the ones you brought, not the ones you ate off of) but it’s probably simplest for us if you let us wash up out stuff.
My husband usually does the dishes during large parties. He’ll tell you if you can do something helpful.
Yeah, it’s going to depend a lot on what sort of party and who the hosts are.
Oh, of course. I never expect the guests to clean up. But sometimes it’s nice if they help, and other times I’d just as soon they stay out of the way.
I would find it pointedly offputting if the host started washing up before all the guests had left, in that case I would probably offer assistance.
What I would expect though is for it to be left for afterwards.
Agreed. IMO, this is a passive-aggressive way of saying, “You’ve been here long enough. When are you going to leave??”
Yep. A family gathering (especially Thanksgiving or other large occasion), everyone pitches in for cleanup.
If I’ve been invited to dinner by a non-relative, I expect that they’ll be cleaning up after I leave, just as I’ll expect to clean up after they leave if I’m the host.
But also, dishwasher. Nobody’s “doing the dishes” at my house.
I think a guest should offer to help with the dishes, but the host should then refuse the offer. No dishes should be washed while guests are there.
Family gatherings? Offer to help clean up (scraping plates before loading into the dishwasher mostly), almost always declined, but no one feels bad because it’s all family (well, my in-laws mostly).
Close friends? Almost always a much smaller group (6 or less), so less need, and almost always get turned down - I would do the same, I want to pack my dishes most efficiently, know where the best/worst spots in my dishwasher are as well.
Doing dishes while everyone is there is normal at the big family events because family brings all the side dishes normally - so when possible those containers get washed during the latter part of the event so they can be brought home more easily.
Doing dishes with close friends still present is also normal - especially with houseguests, the amount of dishware we keep is great for 2 people plus pets, and if I’m not regular on doing dishes frequently with more people present, might find myself short of something.
More or less my thoughts, but then the guest should offer to heap clear, and the host might accept that. Especially after certain types of events or parties with quite a few cans, trash etc around.
Totally.
As a St. Louis Cardinals fan growing up in enemy territory (Chicago) who went to Wrigley as often as possible when my team was in town–
--yes, I have frequently rooted for the visitors at a major league sports event.
You’d find it off-putting that we clear the dinner dishes and put them in the dishwasher before serving dessert? That we put away the leftovers as we prep dessert? That we scrape excess scraps off the serving plates, and maybe even wash them to get them out of the way?
We don’t usually serve dessert for just family, but we almost always do for parties. Would you just leave everything from the main course piled all over the kitchen?
Heck, passover is a dozen courses. If we didn’t clean up early course as the evening progressed, there wouldn’t be any flat surfaces by the end of the evening.
What does “washing up” consist of in your house?
I’ve been a Brewers fan since I was a kid. I’ve cheered for them while they played against the Cubs at Wrigley Field, and against the White Sox at Comiskey Park.
Different situation with additional details. No. But I suspect you knew that already.
Well, yes and no. I’m struggling to imagine the situation where you feel unwanted because the hosts are washing up. That’s why i asked
Barring the exceptions you mentioned, if I’m at a hosted dinner where we’re seated around the dining room and the hosts start washing the dishes, I’m going to take that as a signal they are ready for me to leave.
If I’m the one hosting, I figure I can wash dishes any time, but the time in which I can socialize with my guests is limited.