Dibbler could take on the whole bunch. Put him and his sausages amidst any orc army, and the orcs would be out of commission in an hour, not having the advantage of growing up in AM and becoming immune.
EXCUSE ME, I AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE CALLED december.
Whereas I agree that the likes of Ridcully and Gandalf would just relax and get to know one another rather than fight, what kind of chance would Gandalf really have? I’ve only seen the movies and cartoons, so I may be completely ignorant of his magical capabilities, but we’ve seen Ridcully fling fireballs, lightning bolts, and balls of magic of varying colors, as well as several other rather vulgar displays of power, but haven’t seen Gandalf do anything like that. I mean, when faced with huge hoards of enemies, Gandalf charges into battle and hits people with his staff…why not fireball the beasties? Or make the ground swallow them whole? Does he have such magical powers, and how would he defend against such attacks?
Granted, but Ridcully generally uses his fireballs to light his pipe, roast a dinosaur chicken, things like that. He couldn’t even take down a mutant compost heap, for cryin’ out loud. Gandalf, on the other hand, held off a fire-whip-wielding-creature-from-the-Stygian-depths-of-Hell-itself with nothing more than a freakin’ sword. Gandalf is one tough sumbitch.
Nevertheless, I vote for Ridcully and his Wow-Wow sauce. Ya just can’t beat grated wahooni root…
Don’t forget, before Ridcully came along, the position of Archchancellor at Unseen University was a job with terms measured in days, if not hours. All those lower-level wizards looking for a way to advance their careers over your corpse and all.
But Ridcully? He shows up, yells at all the buggers, smashes a few heads against the walls, and everyone drops into line toot sweet. Whupping Gandalf will be a cakewalk by comparison.
Yeah, but Gandalf’s had to deal with Saruman…
Ridcully’s also used fireballs to melt stones into slag. And don’t forget that whole mess that happened with the wizards during Sourcery. A lot of things got blowed up there. How would Gandalf stand up to that kid (I’ve forgotten his name, unfortunately)?
Disc World monsters are frequently of cosiderably different, and often nastier, nature. The fire-whip guy was still a garden-variety reality-based creature, after all. And don’t forget Ridcully’s rule of staff: If six feet of oak won’t stop it, magic probably won’t do any good.
As for Carrot vs. Aragorn, I say it would be Carrot hands down. Aragorn is the sort of king who can pull a sword from a stone, to be sure, but Carrot is the sort of king who can stick the sword into the stone in the first place. Besides, Carrot is the better king. He has the wisdom to realize that a hereditary despot may not be the best form of governance, whereas Aragorn would wipe his ass with the Magna Carta just to keep his authority.
How about Discworld dwarves vs. LOTR dwarves? I vote for Discworld dwarves. Not only are their ancestral enemies made of stone, as opposed to the flesh-and-blood Orcs, but they have the ability to adapt and innovate. Look how well they adapted to life in the big city. LOTR dwarves would be too rigid to cope with the adaptable DW dwarves, IMO.
What about the Discworld trolls vs. the LOTR trolls? Sure, the trolls of the Discworld are made of rock, but the trolls of the LOTR seem pretty damn strong (according to the movies, at least).
Or better yet, the Elves from LOTR vs. the elves of Discworld. Whereas the Elves from Middle Earth are very old, wise, pristine, and wonderful fighters, the elves of the Discworld tend to be small, impish, troublesome, and downright lewd from the books I’ve read (haven’t read Lords and Ladies yet, though…)
Are you talking about the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions? They never struck me as particularly impressive. What could one of them do, anyway?
Even a C-class “wizzard” like Rincewind survived many years on their own turf. And my memory may be off, but didn’t he fight at least one of them to a draw in The Colour of Magic? What could a single Dungeon Dimension monster do if it ventures into our unfamiliar reality and try to fight an incorporated immortal spirit like Gandalf?
A WORD WITH YOU, GANDALF?
Do you really think The Lady would choose Gandalf as a player in a game on Dunmanifestin?
Ahem. Azrael? Illuvitar?
A WORD INDEED.
Furthermore, I think the Lady quite likes Gandalf. How many times have he and his entourage been dealt the fabled million to one chance?
The things from the Dungeon Dimension are apparently foreboding enough that they drove Albert to hide in Death’s domain and subject himself to an infinity of servitude for fear that they might come for him. Pratchett’s very shaddy on what it is exactly that they are or what they can do, but it’s pretty apparent that if they managed to get threw into “the real world,” they’d destroy it. And they’re different than the thing Rincewind fought off in The Colour of Magic. That was some odd octopus/spider demon. He didn’t see them till Soucery, where, admitadely, he was able to fend one off with a brick in a sock, but that was more to buy him more time to run. And I’m not sure of how long he spent in that dimension, but he only managed to survive the same way he survives every situation…by running shitless. The man’s survived dragon attacks in the same manner, I don’t think there’s a single thing on any planet that can catch him.
Still, those things are nasty, and I’m sure would give the Balrog a run for it’s money.
Sure, but that’s only because Rincewind is a racist – the 100 meters, the short sprint, the marathon… 
More like he was afraid he would go to them after he was dead. The Things may have been scary enough to his naked unshriven soul, but not to his mortal body.
En masse, surely, but the same holds true of locusts, more or less. You can still step on an individual locust.
Are you sure? I thought it was one of the DD Things that was poised on the threshold of reality, after whats-his-face read from the Octavo.
I think it was actually someone possesed by things from the DD, not something from the DD itself.
Nah, I’m not so sure. In Equal Rites Esk - an eight-year-old girl, for heaven’s sake - beats them just by not using magic. Scared the bejeezus out of 'em. And in another book, I can’t right now recall which one, they show up as awkward and clumsy agglomerations of limbs and claws and tentacles. They don’t understand the rules of the Discworld - by that I mean the physics - and so they’re very weak. They’ve always reminded me of Agrajag from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe - you know, the way he’d gash his face with an errant tooth every time he spoke.
The only time the Dungeon Dimension creatures are scary are when someone is in their world. And as has been pointed out, Rincewind survived there for years.
No, the *really * scary creatures of the Discworld are the Auditors. Now they give me the willies…
I’m surprised no one has paired up Constable Dorfl and the Balrog of Moria yet. My money is on Dorfl, fireproof and he handed King Dragon (a vampire dragon) his ass on a platter without even working up a metaphorical sweat. Another matchup would be Evil Bastard, Teppic’s camel and Shadowfax.
DEATH versus anyone… no contest. And the funny thing is he’s really a pacifist at heart…he doesn’t kill or attack anyone… He’d probably let Gandalf go if he told him a good joke…
Angua versus that Elvin Chick… susan hands down…
Vetinari versus the Elvin King…again, discworld has it…
Cohen the Barbarian versus…any orc / orc hybrid…no contest.
Detritus versus the trolls that man the gates… tie maybe
the sweeper versus the ring keepers… i’m votin sweeper
you bastard versus olephants - okay, maybe olephants win
gaspode versus the dragons that the ring wraiths ride…gaspode in pinch…cause the dragons would probably die of indigestion
just my thoughts…
D>